How To Save A Life
by StandingOnTheRooftops
Summary: Trowa's a doctor. Duo's a psychologist. Can they learn 'how to save a life? 3x4, 1x2, 5xR. Rated for mature audiances ONLY, for citrusy goodness, implied NCS/incest, death-fic and lots of angsty stuff. COMPLETED! EPILOGUE ADDED... Finally!
1. Chapter 1

**How To Save A Life**

**Trowa is a doctor. Quatre, a sickly violinist, is his newest patient. Duo is a psychologist at the hospital, and depressed Heero is his hardest case yet. With Sally Po as the Dean of Medicine, and Wufei as a neurologist, life is interesting at Victoria Point Medical Hospital. And as life spirals out of control, can Trowa and Duo learn how to save a life? Or are they the ones who need saved?**

_**Pairings:**_**eventual 3x4, 1x2, 5x?, ZxN and others.**

_**Genre**_**: Angst/Romance/Drama/Tragedy**

_**Warnings:**_**The usual. AU (of course). Yaoi (Duh). Romance (naturally). Angst (yep). Smart Duo (Well, duh, he's a phycologist!). Suicidal Heero (He needs a psychologist, people! Something's gotta be wrong) Dying Quatre (He needs a doctor, people! Somethings gotta be wrong) Annoying Wufei (Okay. That one you could have guessed) Death Catherine. Dead Treize... dead lot's of people. (but you can't really be sad about Treize being dead. He's such a bitch. And I really mean that.)**

**No Releena bashing! Get it? Good Releena, you've gotta love her! Will be eventual lemon, but is still rated M because of language, and subject matter. There will be foul language, and there is references to incest and rape and suicide attempts and self mutilation . And most of the medical stuff is made up. I watch House too much. Some of it is true... but don't bet on it. **

_**Disclaimer**_**: Nope, don't own GW. Or House. Or the song 'How To Save A Life' by The Fray. (or any other song I might use along the way) The only thing I own is the plot bunnies- and an OC or two. I don't get money for this (pout)**

**Alright, and PS: I apologize to kudasai, who, incidentally has a story with this same title (That is also in a medical setting). That one is posted as a 3x4, like this one. And where that one is based sort of off Greys, this is not. I hadn't seen that story when I started writing this, and I considered not posting it, but I decided that I would. Oh, and whereas that story mostly only takes it's name from the song... this entire fic is based off it. I tried, but I couldn't find another song to base it off of.**

**Oh, and italics represent song lyrics. Underlined represents scene/time change. "double quotations" are spoken words. *Flashback*/*End Flashback* sets off a memory from before the main timeline of the story.**

**Alright. I guess now that all that's out of the way, we can move on to the actuall story. Enjoy!**

_Chapter One_

_"Step one, you say 'We need to talk',"_

_"He walks. You say 'sit down, it's just a talk."_

Monday, around 3 or 4 in the afternoon

The cafeteria at Victoria Point Medical Center was quite empty, with most of the lunch crown already gone. A few people mulled around, and a few actually sat down at the tables. Tucked far back in the corner, away from what little crowd there was, two young men wearing the white lab-coat typical of the doctors in VPMC sat eating their late lunch. One was clearly Chinese in heritage. From his raven black hair to his midnight black eyes, to his petite stature and facial structures. A crisp white shirt showed from beneath the white coat, and the coat's pocket sported a clean gold name tag that read 'Dr. Chang, W. Dept. of Neurology'. His companion had rich caramel hair swept forward over one clear, emerald eye. He'd dressed his tall, lean frame in plain khaki slacks and a green sweater. He wore a name tag, too. His read simply "Dr. Barton, T. Oncologist, DCR'.

Music played softly in the background, barely audible even in the sparse crowd. The strains of the song could barely be heard, but no one really payed much attention anyway.

_Time is a valuable thing..._

"New patient?" The Chinese man asked. His lunch companion looked up from the manila file in his hand.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. A transfer."

"What's this one got?"

"What?"

Dr. Chang sighed. "Any transfer you get, Trowa, there's always something horribly wrong with them. Treize Kushrenada. Pancreatic cancer. Terminal. Sara Valejo, brain tumor. Terminal. Middi Une. Malignant Melanoma. You gave her three months, she made it four. Randy Mitchell... need I go on?"

Trowa shrugged and sighed.

_Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings..._

"Quatre R. Winner, transfer from Doctor Velasquez in Huntsville, via UAB. Diagnoisis, Leukimia. Enrique gave him less than a year. That was eight months ago."

"Oh," Chang said softly. Trowa always wore himself out on such cases. If Trowa gave the diagnosis, it was fine. But it was like the brunette doctor had some kind of compulsion to prove the other doctors wrong, to prove that someone didn't have to die if he didn't say so. It might have sounded... anal? arrogant? stupid?... in other people. But that was just the way Trowa was. He cared.

_Watch it count down to the end of the day..._

"Sorry bout lunch," Trowa apologized. His salad was untouched, and he hadn't said very much, focusing on his new case.

"It's alright," Chang said. "Go ahead and go meet with your patient. As long as Maxwell dosen't come by, I'll be alri..."

"Hey, Wuffers!"

Chang jumped, almost knocking his drink over.

"Maxwell," he said wearily, not even bothering to get angry. "My name is Wufei Chang. When will you learn?"

A slender young man slipped down into a chair between Trowa and Wufei. His hair was a long, waist-lenght mass of chestnut/auburn pulled back into a loose braid, and his indigo eyes verged on being purple. And those eyes sparkled with mischief.

He took a sip from his juice.

"Oh," he said casually, "As soon as you learn that my name is Duo. You're the only person that calls me by my last name."

"It is considered respect," Wufei ground out. Truth be told, he actually did respect the twenty-five year old psychologist. But... he would never admit it in so many words. Especially not to Duo Maxwell himself.

_The clock ticks life away..._

"Not to me. Now say it. Du-o. Du-o. Understand?"

"If I call you Duo, will you leave and never pester me again?"

"Hmm?" Duo put a hand on his chin, as if mulling it over. He took a thoughtful sip of his juice. "Tough call, but no. I enjoy your company too much, Wuffers."

"And with that... I take my leave," Trowa quipped. He gathered his files, and took his untouched food to the trash bin.

_It's so unreal..._

"See ya, Trow," Duo called out. Trowa waved a hand, but didn't turn around and kept walking. Keeping up a brisk pace, he made it to his office, five floors up, in less than ten minutes.

But he was already late, apparently.

He stopped in the open doorway and observed the young man sitting in his office. It was an odd back-side angle, but it was adequate for a quick observation. Pale blonde hair that looked a little unkept. Very pale skin that verged on unhealthy-looking. A small, very slender frame. Pretty, but certainly sick, although he didn't look like a twenty-four year old who had only less than three months to live.

_Didn't look out below..._

"Ahem," he coughed politely, walking into the room. "I'm sorry to keep you waiting."

"Oh, no problem," the young man turned, and Trowa's gaze met with surprisingly bright, sparkling teal eyes. The young man offered him a small smile. "I think I'm kind of early."

"Hmm. Well, I guess that means you're Quatre Winner?"

He received a slight nod.

"Good. My name's Dr. Trowa Barton, and I'm the director of the Department of Cancer Research. You're case was transferred to me from... Huntsville, I see. So I'm assuming that your cardiologist, Dr. Velasquez, fully briefed you before he sent you here?"

The smile was sad this time.

"He did," was the soft answer.

_Watch the time go.. right out the window..._

Trowa's heart nearly broke. It did every time someone came to him after being handed a death sentence. Usually, all that could be done was to make the best of what was left. But Trowa refused to give up on anyone, especially young people like this with an entire life ahead of them.

"Dr. Velasquez and your oncologist report that the tumor is inoperable."

"Hmm," his patient nodded.

"And I assume he told you about the experimental surgery we offer here? And the risks?"

"He did," came the soft voice. "And I don't want to go through with it."

This startled Trowa. He'd never had a patient decline the surgery. It had a twenty-nine percent chance of success. That was better than the one and two percents some other surgery methods offered. And certainly easier and quicker than trying to wait for a transplant to become available.

"Mind if I ask why?"

A shrug. "I know what kind of life I have left. I know pretty much when and how I'm going to die. Even if the surgery was a success, what kind of life would I have? For years, I'd be reliant on shots, iv's, medication. For the rest of my life. Alone, weak, and drugged. I don't want that." His voice was soft, but strong and full of conviction.

"Most people leap at any chance for life. Most people don't give up."

He turned a shocked face to Trowa, his teal eyes shimmering.

"I'm not giving up," he stated indignantly. "I would never give up. I... I simply accept my fate. A life as a burden to society? It's not a life at all. I'd rather face destiny on my feet."

"Without having fought?"

"I'll be fighting to my dying breath!"

Trowa looked taken back. The vehemence in the voice. He believed him. It was his job to try to talk his patient into the surgery... but he had an idea that no coercion would change this man's mind. He may look small and weak, but inside he had fire.

_Tried to hold on, but didn't even know..._

Quatre Winner suddenly smiled brightly, and the sheer beauty of that face nearly knocked Trowa breathless.

"I know what you're thinking. How can someone like me beleive so strongly about something? How can someone so weak have such strong convictions."

"Strenght does not come from physical capacity," Trowa said lightly, "But from an indomitable will."

His patient smiled again. Trowa liked his smile... he didn't seem quite so sickly when he smiled like that, lighting up his whole face. And Trowa would make it his mission to help this man smile until his dying day- however soon that may be. "Ghandi. Nice."

"Mr. Winner," Trowa began, "I do not..."

"Quatre," he stressed.

"Quatre," Trowa began again, "I do not... It is my job to talk you into this surgery. It is highly effective, and I believe you'll find the consequences not as horrible as you think."

"No. I will not go through with it. Do what tests you want to, learn what you can- I do know that this is a rare type of cancer- but I will not have you operate on me."

Trowa nodded. "Alright. I'd like to have a biopsy done on the tumor. There may be other ways to..."

"Radiation didn't work. Chemo-therapy. Your drugs. I went into recession, but now it's back. I don't see what other way you can see."

"Besides the surgery?" Trowa asked. "There is no other way I know of besides a full transplant and hoping that the cancer hasn't spread beyond the heart. But there may be other ways to control the cancer. We couldn't reduce it, but we might could slow it down. Fifteen minutes of your time now could possibly lead to having another a few months. Maybe a year."

Quatre sighed. "It won't do any good, but go ahead. Do your biopsy."

"And might I recommend a good psychiatrist..."

"I'm not crazy." Trowa winced at the icy snap. It seemed he was already failing his new self appointed mission in life.

"One to help you deal, help with the acceptance...."

"I've already done that."

"Someone to talk to. Someone who won't try to convince you to go through with something you don't want to do." As Quatre stood up, Trowa took two bussiness cards from his pocket. "One is mine," he said, "Call if you have any questions at all. The second is a friend of mine. Duo Maxwell. He's a wonderful man. I'm sure you'd like him. And he's a psychologist."

Quatre sighed, but smiled just slightly as he took the cards.

_I wasted it all just to watch you go..._

"Thank you." he said, in a way that told Trowa he didn't really think so. "I might just do that."

**AN: Dr. Velazquez is a real person, but I hope I don't offend him. He's a heart doctor in Huntsville Alabama. And like I said, most of the medical stuff is just wish-wash/mish-mash (to quote my daughter) and simply made up.**

**Oh, and just in case I forgot, or forget to mention it... they're all in Nashville Tennessee. The hospital is made up, but you'll probably see a lot of real life stuff in here. And it's modern day time, but maybe just a few years in the future.**

**Oh, and the song lyrics are all from "In The End" by Linkin Park (I absolutely love this band!!!!) The lyrics kinda/kinda don't fit the story, but let me know what you think of them.**

**Oh, 'cept for the very first two lines... that's How To Save A Life. First two lines of every chapter will be that song, kinda like a chapter title.**


	2. Chapter 2

Notes: Italics are song lyrics. This is not going to be a happy fic. Attempted suicide in this chapter.

_Chapter Two_

_"He smiles politely back at you._

_You stare politely right on through."_

Later that day (Monday, late in the evening)

The apartment was quiet when Quatre got home. And it was just the same as when he left. His medical papers were still stacked on the kitchen counter. His cup of tea was resting by the sink, long ago forgotten that morning. And he could see into the living room, where his violin was still lovingly resting on it's stand, and a book was layed open on the coffee table. But the light down the hall was on.

"Heero?"

He called out to his roommate. Heero, his roommate for quite some time now, was often still at work when Quatre got home, but the doctor's visit had kept Quatre much longer than he'd expected. Heero should have made it home close to a hour ago. Quatre frowned. There was no answer.

"Heero?" He asked again, setting his keys down and walking down the hallway towards Heero's room.

The door was opened all the way, so Quatre did not hesitate to go in. The lights were off, and Heero was not in the room. A thin crack of light shone from the closed bathroom door. Quatre begin to get an ominous feeling, his breath coming shorter. Something wasn't right. In the distance, from another apartment, a radio blared way to loud with a song way too ominous. And, as if he was in some kind of suspense movie, Quatre could hear the music, the song, and the lyrics. And it didn't set lightly with him. He was in full blown 'worry' mode now.

_The walls start breathing, my minds unweaving._

"Heero? I'm home," Quatre knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Quatre couldn't hear anything at all. No sound of water, no sound of the bathroom being occupied. Only that damned far away radio.

_Maybe it's best if you leave me alone..._

"Heero?" He twisted the knob, surprised to find it open. "Heero, I'm coming in."

_A weight is lifted._

Quatre opened the door. And nearly screamed.

"Heero? Heero? What..." Quatre's breathing was coming in gasps. Heero lay on the square rug in front of the tub, his head resting against the wall. His dark brown hair was matted with perspiration. Quatre dropped to his knees, ignoring the blood soaking the rug.

"Heero? What did you do?" Quatre asked softly, brushing hair away from Heero's face and looking from his paled face to his bleeding wrists.

_On this evening, I give the final blow._

A single, Prussian blue eye opened just a slit.

"Q...Qu...Quatre?"

"Heero? Why? Oh, God." Quatre leaned up, dug in his pockets for his phone. He dialed 911 on speaker, setting the phone down on the tub side as he grabbed towels to try to stem the now sluggish bleeding.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"I need paramedics to eleven twenty five Riverside. Apartment 408. Hurry, my roommate's cut his wrists."

"eleven twenty five Riverside, 408? Please stay on the line, an ambulance in on it's way now sir."

"Oh, Allah!" Quatre exclaimed, not even noticing the phone anymore. "Heero? Heero? Stay with me. Don't leave me! Heero? Damnit, Heero!"

_When darkness turns to light, it ends tonight._

Quatre paced outside the ER. They wouldn't let him in to see Heero. He'd rode in the ambulance, watching as for once, IV's and needles and medical treatment were given to someone else instead of him. God, he was so scared. Heero was his only friend. Almost like a brother. Well, Quatre amended. Heero was like a brother. He was closer to Heero than he was to any of his numerous sisters. Except for maybe Iria. And Heero wasn't his only friend, or even really his best. Heero's half sister, Kaori... oh, God! Someone had to tell Kaori!

And it was all his fault! For not being home. He knew what Heero was capable of. He knew... and Kaori had trusted him. She'd trusted him to take care of her brother. She'd trusted him with her brother's life.

And he'd just failed her and Heero both.

_Just a little insight won't make this right._

He jammed his hands into his pockets out of frustration and exhaustion. Something crunched in his left jean pocket. He pulled it out and looked at it in the bright florescent light.

It was the bussiness cards Dr. Barton had handed him. Quatre looked at the top one. Duo Maxwell.

Hmm. Maybe. Maybe Quatre didn't need a psychiatrist. But maybe Heero did. And maybe he could help Kaori, too.

_It's too late to fight._

Quatre looked from the card back up, and he just happened to catch sight of his reflection in the long, wall lenght windows. His hair was messy... and there was blood all over him. Heero's blood. The blood of his best friend, covering his hands, his once pale yellow shirt, his jeans. It streaked his hair. Blood. Everywhere. Covering everything. His head started spinning, his mind going blank. He didn't feel the cards slip from his hand as his vision blurred, and he felt tears falling down his face. And then he was falling.

_It ends tonight._

"Quatre?" He didn't have time to wonder who at the hospital knew him, but that was all he could think of before warm arms wrapped around him, before his whole world sank into the blessed black nothingness of unconsciousness.

_It ends tonight._

Trowa was getting off shift early, and he'd decided for some reason to take the long way out, down through the ER waiting room. At first, he'd thought he'd been seeing things. Surely, after three hours Quatre Winner wasn't still here. And then he'd seen the blood coating the frail young man. And then he's seen him start falling.

"Quatre?" He called, reaching him just in time to keep him from hitting the floor too hard. He laid him back on the floor, pulling out his pen light and looking at Quatre's eyes. He was just unconscious. Thank god it wasn't a seizure. It took Trowa only a moment to determine that the blood wasn't Quatre's. At least, he hoped it wasn't.

_It's my fault when you're blind._

"Get me a gurney!" He ordered a nurse, rushing forward. "And someone get me ten cc's tetricyvectricin." (1)

"Tetricyvectricin?" Another nurse asked, clearly confused at why he would ask for such an uncommon, highly controlled medicine.

"This man has leukemia! He's my patient. Now someone get me the damn ten cc's. And where's my gurney? We need to get him to level five, ASAP!"

_It's better than I see it through your eyes._

"Heero," Quatre murmured. "Have to... tell Kaori. Heero, no!"

Trowa tried to shush him, as he lifted him up onto the gurney. God, he was so light!

_All these thoughts locked inside..._

Trowa decided that as soon as Quatre was stable, he had to find out what the hell was going on. And find out who this Heero was... and what exactly needed to be told to this Kaori.

_And now you're the first to know._

_A falling star,_

"Heero!" A young girl, probably no more than nineteen or twenty, dressed in the shorts and long-sleeved halter top uniform of the local Hooter's rushed through the doors, her wild black pigtails, nearly knee lenght, flying behind her. She nearly ran into the nurses station, panting.

"A Dr..... Barton called. My brother Heero Yuy was admitted to the ER. And Quatre Winner. God, please. Tell me they're alright."

"Ma'am," the nurse said, "Please calm down. You're Mr. Yuy's sister? I'm going to need you to fill out some paperwork for me and I'm going to need..."

"Ms. Kinomoto?" Trowa appeared, a file in his hand. She turned to him, her eyes round and brimming. She grasped at his hand.

"Yes... please someone tell me what happened..."

"Ms. Kinomoto, I'm Dr. Trowa Barton. I'm Quatre's doctor- he's just fine. A little fainting spell. I also took over your brother's case. He's sleeping now, but if you'd like..." He'd found Heero in the ER, then looked up his next of kin- who happened to be a Kaori Kinomoto- the same person listed as Quatre's emergancy contact.

She looked so pale, so afraid. Her voice shook when she spoke.

"Can I see him?"

_Least I fall alone,_

Her big blue eyes pleaded with him.

"Yes... right this way."

He ushered her to Heero's room, warning her to be quiet and that the sight may not be pretty. She, now much calmer, stated that it wasn't something she'd never seen before. Her brother lay on the bed, an IV drip of blood leading into his left arm. The lights in the room were out, the only light the soft illumination streaming in through the door and inside window.

_I can't explain what you can't explain._

Kaori gasped softly, falling into a leaning position beside the bed. Heero's wrists were taped with white gauze, and a small tube feed oxygen into his nostrils.

"God, Heero. Why'd you do it?" She asked quietly, forgetting Trowa standing behind her. She brushed hair away from Heero's forehead. "Why couldn't you just talk to me? Or Quatre? Or someone? God, Heero. Why? You promised you wouldn't do this again. Did the last time not teach you anything? You're so stupid. Why, Heero?" Tears fell freely down her face, dotting onto the white hospital blanket.

_You're finding things that you didn't know._

"Kaori?" Heero's voice was deep and weak.

"Heero?"

"Kaori.. sorry."

"You're sorry?" His eye's blinked open to meet her matching ones. "Heero, you're not sorry. Why do you do it? Why? You're not sorry. If you were, you wouldn't do this to me. God, you're the only family I have left. You and Quat... you're the only people I have left in this world. Don't you see how much you're hurting me? Every time I have to leave work and rush to a hospital? God, one of these days I'm going to get here, and... and... and... it'll be a morgue instead of an ER!" She gasped out a sob, burrying her face against his side. He lifted a hand, pulling her head closer.

_I look at you with such disdain._

"Kaori, I'm so sorry," he muttered. "I don't deserve a sister like you."

She looked up just enough to meet his eyes again, Prussian meeting Prussian.

"Damn straight."

***********

**AN:**

**(1) Like I said... this is completely made up. If it sounds anything similar to a real drug... I apologize. This is set slightly in the future, a few years or so.... so lets just pretend that medical science had improved in leaps and bounds, kay?**

**Also, I said in the first chapter that there would be ZechsxNoin. I apologize for that. I meant Zechs x Iria. Don't worry... it's all good!**

**Song for this chapter was It Ends Tonight. And yes, I made Heero's sister a Hooter's girl. It will be explained later.**

**And poor girl. Her brother has a suicide fetish, and her best friend is dying of leukemia. Rough.**

**PS: Don't own anything but Kaori. She's all mine! And if my Japanese dictionary is right, Kaori means fragrance. Pretty name with a pretty meaning.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter Three_

_"Some sort of window on your right,_

_As he goes left, and you stay right."_

Monday night, near midnight

Trowa looked on silently before he left the young girl alone with her brother. He had to go check on his real patient. Quatre.

_'Cause all this time I've just been too blind to understand..._

Everything was fine with the unconsious, beautiful young cancer patient, so Trowa made himself leave the sleeping blonde. He cursed at himself the entire time. He knew this feeling. He'd felt it before, and he didn't care for it. He didn't need to get emotionally attached to his patients. Especially not with his job, where over fifty percent of his patients never got a chance to live a full life- and most didn't live over a year after coming to him. It was a hard job, but someone had to do it. And Trowa thought he did it pretty well. He guarded his emotions while still acting very friendly.

_What should matter to me..._

What he didn't need was to fall for his patient. A patient with only a few months to live. Trowa knew he couldn't take that kind of pain, of loosing someone. Not since Cathy, his beloved sister. Not since the cancer that took her away. That's why he did this job. For those few he could save, those few who he could actually help.

_My friend this life we live, it's not what we have..._

But as he walked out the door, he knew it was hopeless. Within the span of one conversation, he'd begun to fall for the willful blonde with the teal eyes and angel face. And nothing short of the refused heart surgery and the refused heart-transplant had any hope of giving this angel back his life.

He checked back on Heero, only to find Kaori asleep in a chair at his side, the chair pulled right up close so that her hand could remain on his arm. She shivered once in her sleep, and Trowa wondered if it was from some internal nightmare, or if it were the cold of the hospital, and her skant clothing, with not even a sweater to protect her from the chilled early spring air, or the frigid ER.

He opened the closet, silently cursing when it was empty. This room must be between cleanings, and the only blankets were the ones covering Heero. He sighed and removed his long white lab-coat. Lifting her black hair gently out of the way, he settled the coat over her, letting it drape down her chest and arms and thighs. He checked the IV's once, then left, shutting the door lightly. Everything would be alright here. And Quatre would be alright for the time being.

_It's what we beleive._

Maybe it was time to call it a night and leave the girl to her dreams.

***FlashBack***

Kaori laughed aloud. The sound was light, melodic. Her lips smiled, but it never quite reached her eyes. Her eyes were always shadowed. Not even Heero could take those shadows away.

Quatre reached out up above him, wrapped a strand of her long, dark hair around his hand. He was on his back on the grass, the seventeen year old girl above him. Sun sparkled down through the leaves of the oak tree, warming the ground as the summer air warmed them. The smile on her face was simple, loving.

"Quatre," she said, her eyes meeting his.

"Yes?" he asked, seeing a question in the making.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

She dropped a silly little kiss on his nose, but she still didn't seem satisfied. It seemed like there was another question on her tounge, almost refusing to fall.

"Quatre?"

"Yes?"

She paused. She ran a hand over the short, short blonde locks on his head. A testament that the chemo was indeed over. That the cancer was gone. It had been a grim year, fighting against it. But it was finally over. They'd won. She'd get to keep him. He was going to live.

"I love you, too," she returned finally, lowering herself to the ground beside him, nestled against his side.

Quatre chuckled softly, knowing where her line of thinking had been to.

"I'm here to stay, beloved. I'm here to stay."

***Flashback ends***

Tuesday morning, sometime just before dawn

Kaori woke knowing exactly where she was. She'd been there often enough, in a hospital, sleeping beside her brother after some stupid botched suicide attempt. At least five times since Heero'd came home from Iraq. Five times in two years. Yeah, she'd been here alot. What first suprised her, though, was the warmth across her upper body. She'd went to sleep shivering, damning herself for forgetting her jacket at work when she'd taken off early to rush here. But now, even if her knees were cold, her upper body was relatively warm. She opened her eyes slowly and looked first to make sure Heero was sleeping alright, absently-automatically- checking the lights on the vital signs monitor, and then at herself. She lifted the coat off of her. It was solid white, and a gold tag told her whose it was.

Dr. Barton's.

She sighed sleepily, and snuggled back under it's warmth. Dr. Barton was a good doctor. He'd been nice, helpful. Sincere, unlike some of the nurses and other doctors who'd always scorned Heero- and pitied her. He cared. About Quatre, about Heero. And obviously about her, she thought, burying her nose in the coarse fabric. She liked him. He was nice.

Maybe he could save Quatre's life. Maybe he could even help Heero.

Maybe...

An hour or so later, Trowa walked into the almost empty cafeteria. Kaori stood there, a coffe in one hand and her cell phone in her other, held up to her ear. She nodded absently, said a affermative answer, and said thank you before hanging up. And then she saw him and smiled, even if it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Just calling to tell them I won't make it to my morning classes today." She said by way of explanation.

"Classes?"

He'd seen her 'Hooter's' get up and hadn't looked much past it. Looking at her now, he could see she might be about twenty or so, though her eyes held the shadows and wisdom of someone much older. Maybe judgement wasn't to be made so quickly.

She smiled softly, sipped at the warm drink in her hand.

"Mhmm." she nodded. "In May, I'll graduate and be a full fledged RN. God knows maybe I can do some good and help someone. I work at the bar most nights and take classes in the mornings."

"That's nice. Maybe you'll get a job here."

"Maybe. That would be wonderful. It's close, so that I could still keep an eye on Heero. He's more trouble than a two-year old." Her words were said lightly, like a joke, but her eyes were serious and not at all laughing. "And him and Quatre together is like twice the trouble."

"You're very close to Mr. Winner then?" Trowa knew she had to be. Listed as the blonde's emergency contact, his legal proxy in case of incapacity to make decisions. But she wasn't his next of kin- that was some Iria Merquis residing in New York. Lover, maybe?

"Mmhmm, he's my best friend in the world. See, I met Quat in the symphony. It was kind of a shadowing/mentor type thing. I was about thirteen, Quat was almost seventeen and had just made first violin at the university's freshman symphony. That year, he walked me through most of the the JV symphony. We were like best friends, and it turns out he'd even went to the same school with Heero. I... I was there that first time..." Her voice was suddenly quieter as she continued on.

"I was fifteen, and... and he just collapsed. We were at the park, practicing. I'd decided to play fiddle that day. I can still remember. It was about thirty seconds into my second go'round of 'Foggy Mountain Breakdown'. I was so scared. And I went to the hospital with him. That time... every time. His dad didn't care enough to come, so I went with him. I was there the day they gave him the diagnosis, the first time. I was there during the chemo. When they said it was gone... and when they said it was back. And when he went through all the radiation again. I was there when Dr. Velasquez gave him a year."

"He's lucky to have a friend such as you," Trowa commented, his respect for this young woman growing. She'd had a rough past few years... and probably a rough life all together, judging by the shadows in her dark eyes. "You're brother's lucky to have you, as well."

She smiled sadly. "Yeah. He's said that before. But it dosen't stop him. After he came home from the war... he's just not been the same." Her eyes were foggy and distant, as if recalling something. Maybe a better time. "I know that war'll change anyone, but... he jumped out of the parking garage once, trying to kill himself. Stupid. Hit a soft-top jeep five stories down. Broke seven ribs, his leg, dislocated his shoulder, cracked his arm open, but didn't kill him. Either he dosen't really want to die, or there is some higher power that wants to keep him alive, because that should have killed him."

"Hmm," Trowa hummed. Those injuries alone could have killed someone. "Have you thought about talking him into seeing a therapist?"

"I tried once, but it didn't work. I may try it again, seeing as how we're in this situation."

Trowa handed her one of Duo's cards.

"I gave one of these to Mr. Winner, but maybe you'd like to see about getting Heero some help. Duo can work wonders with anyone."

Kaori looked at the card.

"Alright. I'll give it a try. I'll _make_ Heero go. He's going to get better," her voice took on a distinct ring, "It'll be the last thing I do."

Trowa wondered for a moment if she'd mis- said what she meant, but then his beeper went off, and he was distracted, pulled back into his work.

Four days later, on Friday

Duo looked at the man on the chaise in front of him. This promised to be his hardest case yet. He dealt with OCD, ADD, simple things like that. Divorce cases, marriage counseling mostly. Maybe the ocasional drug abuser. He did not deal with suicide attempts. Especially ones with such erratic and dark history as Heero Yuy. But Trowa had asked him to take the case. Because Trowa's patient had asked Trowa to ask him, because Heero's sister had asked him to ask Trowa to... well, you get the point.

Twenty-seven years old. Multiple suicide attemps over the past five years, starting one year after his return from a three year stint in the army.

"So,,," Duo drawled. "Kaori tells me you work as a computer technitian. Do you like your work?"

"It pays," his patient grunted. Heero didn't want to be here. Duo had already gathered that much. And now, with two words, he'd learned that Heero did not like his job. He was unsatisfied with his work.

"Hmm," he made a note, and tried not to look at his patient. Duo made it a point never to see a patient as anything other than that. But when someone as hot as Heero came in, with such a dark, negative aura around him, Duo could help but look... and wonder what had happened to make such a good looking guy so suicidal.

And Heero was hot. Of a height with Duo himself, with dark chocolate hair and a wiry, athletic body filled out with just enough muscle. Dark prussian blue eyes that Duo knew his sister had, too. Large hands with long, tapering fingers, probably great at playing a piano, Duo thought. He noticed the white bandages still wrapped around the wrists. Or maybe not- least not right now.

"Do you have any hobbies, any past-times? Pottery, painting, photography?"

"No."

Do you have a favorite color? Red, blue, yellow?"

"No."

"Do you have a favorite book? A favorite song? A favorite movie?"

Heero sighed visibly, as if giving up some internal battle. He met Duo's eyes squarely, seemed a bit confused, then began to speak.

"Listening to music, Purple, Fall of the House of Usher, by Edgar Allen Poe. In the End, by Linkin Park. Beneath Still Waters."

"Good," Duo commented, taking more notes. Not as dark as he'd expected. Listening to music... quite normal, but not quite an involving hobbie. Purple... Duo thought there was a reason behind this, and it seemed to be made up on the spot, but he'd delve into that later. EA Poe was dark, but it was... not that bad. In The End. Sad, depressed, hopeless, but not quite suicidal or death-like. Duo himself happend to be a fan of the band- though he liked 'Crawling' much more than 'In The End'. Beneath Still Waters.... Duo frowned. Wasn't that the stupid B movie about demons where the whole town had one big sex fest? He shook his head.

"Alright Heero, I'm going to say something, and I want you to say the first thing that pops into your mind. Don't think about it, just say it, whatever it is, okay?"

"Hnn."

"Alright. What do you think of when I say... plane?"

"Crash."

"What about... Train?"

"Wreck."

"Ship?"

"Sink."

"Chickens?"

"Salmonella."

"Bull?"

"Shit."

"Day?"

"Night."

"Cloud?"

"Rain."

"Blue?"

"...." Heero opened his mouth to say something, but stopped.

"Come on. The first thing you think of. Out with it."

"Kaori's eyes," was the soft response. Duo smiled inwardly. Finally he was getting somewhere.

"Alright. Red?"

"Blood."

"Flying?"

"Falling."

"Life?"

"Death."

Now for the real tests.

"Quatre."

Heero had his eyes closed.

"Peace."

"Kaori?"

"Love."

"Mother?"

"Caring."

"Father?"

"...." there was a small pause, but Heero continued. "Hate, anger. Regreat."

"Heero?"

"Hopeless."

That last word was spoken on a sigh, a resigned voice.

"Okay. That's enough for now. Now when you leave here today, I want you to go home, and I want you to think of something you'd like to do. A hobby, a pastime. And I want it to be constructive. And next Friday, I want you to come in here and tell me about it. And tell me why you chose it. Do you understand?"

"Hnn."

"Good. Now I think that's it for tonight."

Duo watched as Heero practically just disappeared. Without another word... the older boy was gone- simply vanished. Duo shook his head sadly. They would really have to work on the whole 'social' thing.

He looked back over his notes. There was some interesting information there. One day, maybe they'd have to delve into family issues. It seemed that there might be root for some of these feelings in the childhood home.

Duo sighed as he prepared to lock up his office. Things were never simple.

**AN: yeah. You guessed right. Kaori's falling for Trowa, too. Hmmm. This should be interesting. Yes... and there is very blatant QuatrexKaori in that flashback/dream. It will be explained later on.**

**Oh, and yeah. Heero's very pessimistic, isn't he? But at least it's funny. And 'Beneath Still Waters' is a real movie and it sucks and it's really really weird. Stupid, but not scary. You'd have to be depressed, suicidal, or just really really out of it to like this movie. (My apologies if any of you actually like it.)**

**And yeah, things are moving kinda fast, but remember- Quat's only got three months to live.**

**And sorry for so many scene skips. But, it does tell the story.**

**And song at the begining was Not My Time, by 3 doors down.**

**And for those of you who may not know, 'Foggy Mountain Breakdown' is a real tune. It's very amazing. I thinks it's amazing if you can play this on the fiddle. It's even more amazing if you can perform the clogging routine to it.**

**And for clarification, cause even I'm having trouble keeping it straight... Heero is 27. Trowa is almost 28. Duo is 25. Quatre is 24. Kaori is 22. Wufei is 29. Releena will be 25-ish. (Sally, Iria, Zechs are all in their early thirties) And yeah... my math's gotten a bit screwed up along the way. My timeline is way messed up, but I'm trying to fix it.**

**Oh, and it's around the first of March. This last scene, Friday, was March 4th.**


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter Four_

_"Between the lines of fear and blame,_

_You begin to wonder why you came."_

Early the next morning, Saturday

He stared at his reflection in the mirror, letting his eyes take in his appearance. Aqua eyes bright, but dark circles under his eyes. Skin pale, but cheeks a little flushed. His hair had grown back since he'd stopped the chemo, but it lacked the lusterous shine that it had had during his youth. Yeah, he looked like shit, he thought. He sighed as he heard Heero getting ready, hearing the zip of the case as he packed up his laptop.

Quatre left the bathroom, already dressed, though he knew he probably wouldn't leave the house. He never did- not on this day, anyway. He silently accompanied Heero to the door, calling a soft 'bye' after him. Heero nodded, but never said anything. Heero rarely said anything. Heero didn't acknowledge what day it was. No one did. They'd tried before, but Quatre prefered to ignore it. Quatre sighed again as he turned away from the door.

He picked up the violin from it's stand as he walked back into the living room after Heero left for work. He didn't feel like Bach. Or Brahms. Or Mozart. He didn't feel like anything upbeat either. He pulled the bow back, and slid into the melody of a familiar song, feeling the music pour from his soul. It was his most favorite song. At least for the past four years, anyway.

He lost himself in the music so readily that he didn't notice when a deep voice joined the tune, blending the lyrics perfectly with the music.

"....lovin' all of our friends,

Living life like an ocean.

But now the current's only pulling me down,

It's gettin' harder to breath.

Won't be too long, I'll be goin' under,

Can you save me from this?

Cause it's not my time, I'm not gone,

There's a fear in me, and it's not showin'

This could be the end of me,

And everything I know...

But I won't go..."

Quatre jerked back to reality, cutting the song off with a sour note as he spun to confront the singer, standing in the open doorway of the apartment.

"Doctor Barton?"

"Call me Trowa since you insist I call you 'Quatre'," he said. "The door was open. And I heard you playing. Three Doors Down. I like that song. And it suits you. Not something you normally hear on a violin though," he smiled, but came no further into the apartment. He leaned a hip against the door jam, and tilted his head a little. Quatre could see curiosity in those emerald eyes.

"Just something to play," he fluttered his hand a bit in explanation, "I used to be first violin in the University Symphony. But... the chemo, and the radiation... I couldn't keep on. I had to give it up. But... what are you doing here?" he shook himself out of his memories. "Are the results of the biopsy in yet?" The test had been done earlier that week, and Quatre knew it'd tell them nothing they didn't already know.

"No. Today's my day off..."

Quatre only now noticed that Trowa was wearing jeans and a tight fitting black and white shirt. And was looking quite yummy in them.... 'Bad Quatre', he mentally smacked himself. 'Don't even go there.' It had been far too long since he'd been able to find the beauty in anything. But here he was, admiring a body that looked like it had been sculpted by Michelangelo. His doctor's body...

"Then..."

"I was looking over your file yesterday. I figured you might be a little depressed today. It's the..."

"I know. March 5th. This day, five years ago, I found out I had cancer." Quatre's voice was suddenly quiet. "But..."

"I decided to come by, take your mind off things. Heero's going to be at work all day, and today Kaori has classes today, if I recall, so I thought that maybe you'd like some company. We can, oh, I don't know, go to the lake, or the Farmer's Market, or... I don't know." He grinned sheepishly. "Just go do something. It's a Saturday. No one should be down on a Saturday."

"I'm not..." Quatre stared to argue.

Trowa smiled. "Don't lie. You're terrible at it. Healing must take place in more than just the physical heart. You should know that."

Quatre returned his smile after a moment. "Alright. I'm game. Let's just.... do something."

Quatre couldn't bleive the words coming out of his mouth. God, what was he doing? It was his doctor? He shouldn't be thinking like this.... but God, he did have such a fine body, all long and lean and clad in those tight fitting, slimming jeans, and... Quatre! He shouted at himself mentally. It was his doctor for crying out loud. This was wrong on so many levels.

But he just smiled and set his violin back down. And when the hot doctor held out his hand, Quatre found himself taking it and allowing himself to be led from his apartment- remembering to shut and lock the door behind him.

***Flashback***

"Play it again. I think I can pick it up."

"Sure... but only once more. This song is too demanding!"

Kaori was delighted that she knew something that Quatre didn't. It was nice to have things turn around for once. She laughed as she placed the fiddle back under her chin, and drew the bow across the strings once before launching into the song. Her whole body moved with the effort, trying to keep the song the pace it was meant to be. But she'd barely started when she glanced over at Quatre. A sheen of sweat that seemed out of place in the cool February air glistened on his face. And even as she looked, she saw him fall. His eyes simply rolled back and closed, and his body began a slide towards the ground.

She'd never know how fast she moved, but the fiddle was dropped as she darted the few inches, her arms wrapping around her friend's torso as he collapsed. He was fairly light, but still to much for her, she crumpled under his weight, dropping to her knees, keeping him braced against her chest.

"Quatre?"

There was no answer to her plead. She sobbed, brushing pale hair back from his face. His skin felt flushed, and he was sweating. It looked like he had ran a mile, though he'd been standing there with her in the park for a good hour.

"Quat... Quatre... please wake up!" Still no answer. She looked up, looking around the busy park.

"HELP! Someone call an ambulance!"

Her voice was raw, breaking. A nearby couple had seen the whole ordeal, a cell phone in the woman's hands already, dialing 911. But Kaori paid no attention, her focus back on her friend... her best friend, laying motionless in her arms. Still as death, though she feel his heartbeat, faltering, erratic, but still there. Tears came to her eyes even a crowd gathered around. She hugged him closer, fear gripping her own heart.

"Oh, Quatre... what's wrong?"

***Flashback ends***

Monday

Kaori sighed and told herself to relax. No biggie. All she had to do was pick up the papers, sign them, and hand them back. No biggie.

The fact that being close to the enigmatic, sexy Dr. Barton made her breath come short should not matter. Quatre was trusting her to do this. She had to do this. And if talking to Dr. Barton, being close to him, maybe wrangling out a few more words than she had last time... well, it wasn't her fault. Damn the man for being so hot and so.... nice.

She'd had a shortage of nice men in her life. With the exception of Heero and Quatre, she'd yet to find a truely nice man. But Heero didn't count- he was her brother. And Quatre didn't count- he was gay and almost like a brother. She sighed. Horrible only two guys she'd ever met that she had ever fallen in love with were related to her.

She looked at the door to the office, and took a deep breath.

But maybe... maybe her luck would turn around.

Wufei rifled through the drawers impatiently. Damn Trowa. Why couldn't he have pawned his work off on someone else? Another cancer doctor? Why him? True, an emergency was an emergecy, and you couldn't exactly ask someone to wait to have emergency surgery.

But why him?

"Aha," he breathed, pulling the file folder from the drawer. A knock sounded on the closed door. Just in time, too.

"Come in," he said.

A young girl, about twenty or so, waltzed into the room. Her raven hair was left down, flowing freely across smooth pale skin exposed by the classy scoope necked long sleeve sweater. Prussian blue eyes glowed brightly, and a bright smile tilted her full lips up at the corners.

"Dr. Barton... It's so..."

The smile died, and her eyes suddenly dimmed a little. She cocked her head to the side in a sweet, childish gesture, regarding him with distrust.

"My name is Dr. Wufei Chang," he said, almost a little breathlessly. When was the last time he was knocked senseless by a pretty... nay, beautiful... woman? A very long time ago. Even his wife- rest her soul- hadn't had this... classical beauty.

"Dr. Barton had an emergency to come up, so he asked me to help you with the paperwork personally." Trowa had indeed asked him to help her. Because even with so many cases he could hardly breath, the dumb brunette had still taken on the stupid suicide case.

"Hmm," she hummed melodically, seeming a little disappointed. "Well, if you have the papers, I'll just go ahead and sign them. I already know everything that's in there."

"Are you positive?" Wufei questioned, handing her the file of papers to sign. "There is alot of medical jargon and legal jargon in there. I'd be happy to go over some of ....."

She flashed him an annoyed glance. "My best friend is the local ADA. And I've been in and out of hospitals for the same things enough times to understand all this. Or did you honestly beleive that this was the first time I've been to a hospital to help Quatre? And plus," she added sarcastically. "I am a nurse. Well, I've still got three months until certification." The last part was added almost sheepishly.

Wufei resisted the urge to whistle. Damn, but the girl had fire. Very few people ever told him off. In fact, Trowa and Sally Po, the dean of medicine, were the only two to have done it in years.... since... since Meilan... since...

Suddenly, he didn't feel quite as happy. He watched as the girl signed the papers, going through them like she knew what she doing. And according to her, she did. She thrust the papers back at him, barely pausing for a polite goodbye before she fled out the door again.

Wufei stared dumbly after her.

Who was this woman?

Early the next morning (Tuesday)

Kaori tapped her foot on the sidewalk. The air was still chilly, even this time of year, but the sun was warm and she'd opted for the breezy sidewalk tables. The warm cup of Chai Mint Tea warmed her fingers, but she was still getting impatient. Usually she liked to look at the rambunctious kittens playing in the jewelry store window, but apparantly they were sleeping, because they were absent this morning. And so, her annoyance was begining to show.

Really. One might be the ADA, but did that give one reason to be late for every coffee meeting with your best friend? Especially when it was your day off, and you had no reason to be late?

She glanced at her simple Timex digital watch, and counted down. Seven thirty-six. She sighed. And forty one seconds. She saw a slender blonde dashing up the sidewalk, still meters away. Long, honey gold hair streamed behind her as the girl ran as fast as she could without falling down in her classy, two inch heels. Her simple black skirt reached her knees, and her button-down, fitted blouse was a color of blue that nicely complimented the sky blue of her eyes.

"Sorry," the woman muttered, sliding gracefully down into the chair. Kaori glanced at her clock.

Seven thirty seven, exactly. Always predictably and fashionably late. The same as usual, Kaori smirked. But she couldn't resist pestering her friend, older than her by some four years or so.

"Late as usual, Counselor."

The blonde smiled, waved a hand at her. "Ah, don't worry. I'm only seven or eight minutes late. No big deal."

Kaori grinned as the waitress dropped off a whipped mocha latte', settling it in front of the young lawyer. It was the same ritual every Tuesday morning.

"Thanks," the lawyer muttered, to Kaori instead of the waitress. Kaori had her pegged and timed, and knew just when to order the coffe to arrive just in time.

"What are friends for, Releena?"

**AN: Ohh! Releena's a lawyer? Hmm. Should be interesting. And was it love at first sight for poor Wufei? (Hmm. Interesting triangle forming here. Kaori likes Trowa. Wufei likes Kaori. Trowa likes Quatre...)**

**And again with Not My Time by 3 doors down. It's kind of like Quatre's theme song.**

**And Kaori's whole thought about falling in love with her brother will be explained later. As well as more focus on the 1x2 aspect.**

**And sorry, it's a bit shorter than the others.**

**Please reveiw, and let me know what you think. Comments, concerns, complaints are all welcome. Was it good, bad, neighter? What did you like about it, if it was good? What was bad, so I can fix it? If it was just 'blah' then what could I do to spice it up? Feedback is the only way I know what you think, so just a word or two will help lots.**


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter Five_

_"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness."_

**Tuesday**

Only hours after starting his shift, Trowa found himself sorting through papers, prescriptions, and files. It was tedious and boring, but he was one of the few lead doctors that didn't have a personal assistant or a nurse to help with these things. But it was by his choice. Sally was always trying to press one on him.

_The miles just keep rollin..._

And speaking of Sally...

"Barton!"

He looked up as the Dean of Medicine came thundering into his office, her gray eyes flashing.

"Yes, ma'am?" She looked ready to spit fire. And he thought that he knew why.

"Yes, ma'am? Why you... What is the meaning of this?" Her short blonde braids flying as she marched to his desk, she tossed- litterally- a piece of paper at him. Trowa barely glanced at the file that he caught.

_As the people leave their way to say 'hello'..._

"I took on an extra case last week. What's the problem?"

"I'm not paying you to take on ER cases, Barton. I'm paying you to make these rich brats with cancer happy and to save their lives. I don't want this to happen again."

Trowa looked up at her, his emerald eyes glittering. "You pay me to be a doctor. They're not all rich brats, Sally Po. And if I remember correctly, not too long ago- you were one of those 'cases' I took on."

"That was almost five years ago," Sally gritted, voice on edge and eyes snapping. "When you were still just starting at that mediocre red-neck family clinic as a damned intern with more student loans than you could afford."

"And if I had not decided to go against the clinic's rules about non-members, risking my job- a job that I very much needed- you'd have probably died before you made it to the hospital."

Sally's eyes glitted. How many times had they had this exact conversation?

"No doctor or clinic can ignore an emergency, no matter what. It's the law."

"And the law dosen't define a migrane as a medical emergency," Trowa pointed out with undeniable logic.

"I had an anurism!"

"We didn't know that. Neighter did you. I saved your life."

"And I gave you a job!"

Trowa shrugged. "This is true, but saving people is my job. And I'll do it, no matter what you say."

_I've heard this life is overrated..._

Trowa sighed, leaning back in his desk after Sally left. He hated these petty arguments, but it was their way. No... it was Sally's way. She argued with everyone. She'd probably argue with a brick wall. In fact- knowing her- she probably had at some point or other.

Rich brats indeed. Half of Trowa's patients barely had the insurance to cover their treatments. And Quatre certainly wasn't a rich brat.

Indeed, it seemed that Quatre was from classy birth, from an upscale family. But the apartment he shared was clean but modest. He worked as a lawyer's assistant to the one of the ADA's, but he was far from rich. And far from spoiled. Trowa had never met anyone more selfless or genuinely caring- except for maybe that Kaori girl. It seemed like attracted like in their case.

Quatre was kind and sweet and utterly charming. Trowa'd spent Saturday with the blonde, simply walking all around the town. He'd listened as Quatre had spoken about his life. About his mother dying from leukemia when he was only three. About his father- his Arabic Oil Tycoon father- disowning him when he was only thirteen because of a petty argument about following your dreams (music, in Quatre's case, and not business or law, like his father wished.). About living with his sister Iria up until she married several years ago. About moving into his apartment, about meeting Kaori, who'd been with him through all the ups and downs of the cancer ridden past years. About playing in the symphony, about... well, about everything. He was open and honest, sharing both bright memories and those dark times most would try to forget.

Trowa found himself talking about himself, as well. It wasn't something he normally did, but he found himself confiding in the sweet little violinist. He spoke of his parents divorcing when he was a child, about how him and his sister, Cathy, had grew up with their often hair-brained mother. About his father's death in a NYC mugging, about his mother's pneumonia, about Cathy dying of leukemia. About medical school, his struggles there, about the medical clinic he interned at, about Sally and getting his job at Victoria. He talked about everything. They'd shared life stories, and just talked for hours on end.

Twilight had been falling before they'd finally made it back to Quatre's apartment. The brunette doctor had place a simple, chaste kiss on the blondes lips before high-tailing it way.

More than once, Trowa had found himself wondering just what the hell he was thinking. It was simply not proper. And if Sally found out... God, she'd have a field day yelling at him. As it was, even Wufei had been a little worried about him when the prim and proper Chinese man had found out that the oncologist had spent an entire day, outside of work, with his dying patient.

_But I hope that it get's better as we go._

But Trowa had seen the way the Chinese man had talked about 'that pretty little Japanese girl'. Smitten already, so Wufei had no room to talk. And it was about time, too. Trowa had seen Wufei before, when Meilan was still alive. And he'd seen him during that awful time, when Wufei had lost the only one who seemed to see the 'real' him. And he'd seen the Chinese man after. It was time that Wufei started to come back out of that iron shell he'd built around himself. It was about time Wufei saw beyond his nose.

It was time he learned to move on.

**Later on, That night**

_I'm here without you baby..._

Duo tossed and turned in his sleep. Images of dark, prussian blue eyes and chocolate hair haunted his dreams, mixing with the dark hair and dark blue eyes of another face... another person, another place in time.

_But your still on my lonely mind..._

*Flashback*

Duo looked on with tears in his eyes. The tears came not from the pain in his body, radiating from the ravenous red burns across his back, his torso. No. Even as his body screamed in pain, he remained silent, choking back sobs as Hilde clutched at him.. heedless of his wounds. She sobbed openly as she too stared at the raging inferno, and the out-of-control fire that was once the Maxwell Orphanage.

_I think about you baby...._

That was why Duo cried.

Father Maxwell, the stern but kind priest who'd given Duo a home, given him his last name.

Sister Helen, the saintly nun who'd looked after a bedraggled young orphan when other's had deemed him a lost cause.

Sophia, the ditzy but sweet cook who'd often let him sneak in for a midnight snack.

Everyone he knew had been in there. Everything he knew.

Far in the distance, sirens wailed, coming closer.

_And I dream about you all the time..._

But they were too late. Duo's life had already went up in flames. Most literally.

Except for Hilde. Never Hilde.

She held him close. Duo could feel the pain, but he knew the other orphan was injured as well. In the firelight, Duo could see the burns, the gashes on the older girl. Wounds sustained saving him, pulling him out. He could see her dark hair, and her dark dark blue eyes.

_I'm here without you baby..._

"Hill?"

"Shh... it's alright, Duo," she crooned, her voice weak and sobbing.

But it wouldn't be alright.

Three days later... Hilde would die from the burns. Leaving Duo alone.

Forever.

*End Flashback*

_But your still with me in my dreams..._

Duo jerked awake, sweat pouring off of him. He threw the covers away and made his way weakly to the bathroom, flicking the light on as he did.

He peered at his dishevealed appearance in the floor lenght mirror on the door. His PJ bottoms were wrinkled, soaked with sweat. He pulled the damp shirt over his head, staring at the dark color of the burns across his chest. They wrapped around to his back, covering almost all of his left side. He tore his eyes away and continued changing into mercifully dry clothes. He swallowed an asprin, turned the light out, and went back to sleep. Just like he always did. Hoping that his sleep would go easier, hoping that memories would stay away and let him rest in peace for the rest of the night.

_And tonight... it's only you and me..._

**Wendsday**

_A thousand lies have made me colder..._

"So... tell me a little bit about Heero and Kaori."

Trowa looked across the table at Quatre. Trowa was actually eating lunch for the first time in many weeks- and his appetite made up for lost time. He forked another mouthful of salad and ignored the humdrum of the cafeteria.

"I don't know all that much," Quatre said. "They're only half-siblings. See, her dad, Odin Lowe was Swedish. Her dad and mom had one daughter, but she died as an infant. Afterwards, her dad cheated with Misao Yuy. Heero resulted. Six years later, Kaori came along. From what Heero's told me, he was in the hospital that night. Didn't want to be, but Kaori's mom- a fair, loving, meek little woman from what I hear- made him hold her. Love at first sight, pretty much. A few years later, Heero's mom died, and he came to live with Kaori and her parents. When Kaori was fourteen- a year after I met her, they died in a car crash. Heero took care of her until she could support herself, then he went off in the army. I tried to be there for her. I even went to the courthouse when she legally changed her name back to her mother's maiden name. But she was wasting away- she missed Heero. She tried to be there for me, during all I went through, but there was always a shadow in her eyes. She still missed him. He came back... changed. Almost three years there. He'd always been closed off, shy of touch and other people. But afterwards... only Kaori could get close. It still seems like she misses him- the old him. About a year ago, she made me move in with him- to try to keep him from hurting himself further. I've failed... so many times." His voice was soft, and Trowa though he might cry. But, with a complete 180, he turned around.

_And I don't think I can look at this the same..._

"You know," Quatre said, looking up, eyes glittering with emotion. "I think Fate screwed up."

"What?" Where had that come from?

"Kaori. She's.... unique. Special. I think that when her destiny was being planned, when the tapestry of her life was being woven, Fate fucked up big time."

"Explain..."

"Well... Her dad was pretty tough. Heero's mom wasn't his only affair. Odin was abusive to her mom, Setsu. Kaori nor Heero have ever said anything... but I think her dad might have abused her physically- might have ra....." Quatre looked away, letting the silence tell the unspeakable words "- at least until Heero moved in. He became her protector- they loved each other, deeply. I think that everyone has a soul mate, Trowa. And I think that Kaori is Heero's. I don't mean it like it came out. Not in that sense... but in a friend kind of way. I think, that had they not been related, Heero and Kaori would have been such a complete, perfect couple. That's how deep their love is. If only they weren't siblings... god, Trowa, they would be so completely perfect and in love. She and I... tried... for a while. But it didn't really click like that. We just weren't physically compatible- and lucky we found that out before we went too far. We're much better suited to being friends. Everyone that Kaori could fall in love with, everyone she did love, every possible match she's come across, has had some major obsticle that can't be resolved. Fate fucked up with her. Sometimes... sometimes I wonder why it's Heero that's suicidal and not her."

Trowa frowned. Remembering that cryptic little quote from that morning. 'It'll be the last thing I do.' Little pieces were falling into place in his mind. He let his emerald eyes meet the aqua ones of his lunch partner.

"Because she has you, Quatre. She has you, and Heero. You both count on her, weather you know it or not. She has something to live for. She's got enough to make her want to live."

_When the last one falls..._

Kaori was surprised to see the Chinese doctor at the bar that night.

"Dr. Chang," she said, a small little frown/smile gracing her face. "I didn't think this was the sort of place you frequented."

"It's not," he blushed prettily. "But I decided that if an angel could work here, it couldn't be all that bad."

She laughed at the sneaky little pick up line.

"That one's old. Gotta try harder," she chuckled, like she did with ever other customer she'd ever served. Her humor was one of her best attributes, according to the bar manager. But it was just another mask. Her humor had long since died, if it had ever had a chance to develop at all.

"So... what'll it be tonight, Dr. Chang?"

"Wufei, please. I'm not on duty right now. And I'll have whatever you suggest. I'm not used to places like this."

_When it's all said and done..._

Suddenly, Kaori caught a glimpse of gold and blue from the corner of her eye.

"Hey, 'Leena! Come here," she waved her hand at the blonde.

"Kaori," the blonde smiled. "I thought you were off on Wendsday nights?"

"Unexpected tuition fees," the dark haired girl shrugged. "Say... you want the usual?"

"Sure... and is this on the menu, too?" Releena asked with a grin, motioned her maincured hand at the chinese doctor. Wufei blushed a bit, and Releena laughed.

"Down girl," Kaori laughed. "As a matter of fact... I think he's here alone tonight. Doctor Chang... this is my lawyer friend... Releena Darlian, the ADA. Leena... this is Doctor Wufei Chang. He works with Quatre's oncologist."

"Hmm," Releena hummed. "Nice to meet you, Doctor Chang."

"Pleasure's all mine, Madame Counselor."

Wufei took her hand, but instead of shaking it, he lifted it to his lips. Releena laughed brightly.

"Oh, boy. What manners! And who said chivalry's dead?"

Kaori busied herself mixing drinks, including Releena's favorite.

Wufei blushed brightly, but turned back towards Kaori, trying to put the blonde angel out of him mind. His mind and heart were torn between the dark haired girl and the fair one. Kaori.... she just looked so much like.... Meilan... He tore his thoughts away from there. No. Dark hair and a pretty face did not make Kaori Meilan. He was interested in Kaori. So... why did the fair haired angel seem so.... distracting?

"So... Kaori... I was thinking. There is a fundraiser being held next week at the hospital. And since the ticket does say "Doctor Chang plus guest" I was wondering if maybe you'd care to accompany me."

Kaori still had her back to them, mixing drinks. She frowned. She really liked the chinese doctor... but for some reason, she didn't have the heart to persue him. Thoughts of a certain emerald eyed oncologist crossed her mind, but she pushed them firmly away.

_It gets hard..._

And suddenly, another thought took their place.

"Sorry, Do... I mean Wufei. But I'm already attending. My anatomy proffessor is required to attend... but can't make it. He's asked me to stand in his stead. But I'm sure Releena here could use a night out. She knows her way around doctors, so it should be no problem for her. I'm sure she'll even know some of them."

Wufei knew a rebuff when it happened. He should have known from that very first frown, back at the office, that Kaori wasn't interested. She'd been polite, but she just wasn't interested in him. Wufei held back his defeated sigh, but immidiately turned to the blonde, blue eyed vixen next to him. He wasn't about to miss an opportunity of any kind. Maxwell was always telling him to get out. So... he was going to take the doctor's advice, so to speak.

"Well, Miss Darlian. What say you to a night of music, dancing, wine, and listening to doctors telling gory tales about their latest surgery?"

Releena slid a look at Kaori, who simple stared back innocently. Releena grinned.

"Sounds like a date, Mister Chang."

_But it won't take away my love._

**tbc....**

**_AN: Alright, were nearing the two week mark now. Somethings are bound to happen. And yes, I'll be focusing more on Heero and Duo. And we're finding out a few things 'bout all our characters, and why they're the way they are. And yeah, the couples will start to move along. It's kinda slow... but it gets better as we go. It may seem a bit... disjointed, maybe a little confusing to follow, especially their pasts, but I meant it to be that way, so that when everything finally does come to light, it's that much better. Is it working?_**

**_And back to Three Doors Down. It was 'Here Without You' this go round._**

**_And I know that my spelling is horrible. Just bear with me, my proofreaders/betas are busy with school at the moment, so I'm adrift with little time to go through and correct everything. I'm trying to buckle down, but I want to update as often as possible, so a few- okay, a lot of- mistakes have fallen through the cracks. I apologize for the poor work, and am sad that I have traded quality for quanity, so to speak._**

**_Oh... and can anyone guess the meanings behind Heero's mother's name? I chose it to be kinda ironic. Misao means fidelity. Ha ha. She was having an affair with a married man. Also, Setsu means faithfulness. Just thought that would be interesting to know._**

**_Also Kaori's apperance. I have searched, and searched and searched to find something close enough to give you a reference. And ironically enough, one of the two I think are closest is a Gundam character. Princess Marina, from Gundam 00. Pretty much almost exactly how I picture Kaori, right down to the blue eyes. BUT... Rei, aka Sailor Mars, comes in a close second. If you like, I can E-mail you a pic. Also, you can look at my new avatar._**

**_Anyone who wants to draw a pic of her for me will be worshiped admired and given anything you want. I'll write you a story, add something you want into this one. ANYTHING._**

**_Oh, and just one more ensey weensy thing. The next chapter deals with rape, incest, and stuff like that. Nothing is too graphic, but it is still there. And I'll go ahead and say that I don't condone any of that stuff. But it is a part of life, a bad part, but still there nonetheless. It is wrong and horible, and there are very sick people in this world._**

**_Feedback is worshiped! I enjoy it! Good or bad, let me know. PLEASE???? Questions, comments, concerns? Anything?_**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Note that this is for mature audiances, aged 16^, due to subject matter and language. And it is very, very angst-y.**

**Be forewarned, again, that this chapter will feature rape/incest and maybe a few other deplorable acts. It's not that graphic, but it is there. Furthermore, it will be done to a young child.**

**I do not in anyway condone these acts, and I urge anyone who has actually had something like this happen to them, or knows someone who has, to call a help-line. **

**Trust me, child abuse is no laughing matter and is not to be taken lightly. The situation in this story is purely fiction, but it does have roots in truth.**

**Thank you.**

**~rooftops**

**How To Save A Life**

_Chapter Six_

_"And I would have stayed up with you all night,_

_Had I known how to save a life."_

**Friday**

It was only the second time Heero had seen the psychologist, but he felt odd all the same. Those indigo, almost violet, eyes looked right at him, as if they could see right into his soul. Heero was and had always been a quiet person by nature. He'd never volunteered any information, and had only spoken when asked a question. Except with Kaori. He and Kaori had been... different.

"So," The braided doctor began, "Have you completed the task I set for you last week?"

Without a word, Heero held out the book in his hands. It was a simple folder filled with pages, the pages were littered and filled with various pencil sketches. Well done, but not prize-worthy by any length.

Dr. Maxwell took the book and spent a silent few moments looking through the drawings.

He hummed, and ahhed a couple to times, softly under his breath. Eventually, those violet eyes came back up to meet Heero's.

"These are good," he commented.

Heero shrugged.

"And you lied to me. You said you didn't have a hobby. Some of these sketches are old. Years old."

Another shrug. Dr. Maxwell sighed, and Heero could tell, despite his outward demeanor, that the doctor had been affected by the content of those drawings.

"Heero... would you like to talk about these?"

He held up a single page. It was beautiful and mysterious, but horrid in a way. A young girl, small and frail, huddled into a shadowed corner. Bruises shadowed her bare skin, and she clutched at the remnants of her torn nightgown. Tears could be seen sparkling on her face, but the expression in her eyes could not be fathomed. It could have been fear. It could have been sadness. Or it could have been condemnation, anger, or anything at all.

The picture struck a chord within the psychologist, but he pushed the feeling away, focusing on his patient. Something told him there was a story behind this sketch.

And when Heero's eyes shadowed, grew cold and distant, and the older man opened his mouth to speak, Duo knew he'd never met anyone like the man in front of him.

***Flashback***

Heero closed his eyes against the rage. The screaming was loud. He tried to fight it, but it didn't work. How? Why? What had Kaori done?

And so, his feet blindly leading him, he found himself at her door. He wasn't all that big. Scrawny was what Odin called him. Slender is what Setsu-san called him. Strong what what his mother had called him.

He was small... but he would save her! She was innocent!

_Lost and insecure,_

His eyes blurred at the sight when he opened the door, using a laminated baseball card to slip the flimsy little lock. His six year old half-sister was on the bed. Her skirt was bunched up around her waist, panties were torn and pulled down to her knees, and tears were streaming down her face. She was kicking and screaming, but it didn't deter the man looming above her, pinning her arms with one hand, tearing at the closure to his own pants with the other.

"Get off of her! Leave her alone!"

He threw himself at Odin, fists flying in a fast flurry, recalling the hours his mother had spent teaching him martial arts. Nothing mattered but to get Odin away from the girl. He had to protect her.

_You found me, you found me,_

"Wha... why you little b*stard!"

Odin turned, tried in vain to push the little boy away. Odin was larger, but Heero was trained. Odin was stronger, but Heero was faster. Heero landed one solid punch to Odin's face and the bigger man stumbled backwards off the bed.

_Lying on the floor,_

Heero grabbed Kaori's arm, pulling her up off the bed and placing himself between her and Odin. Setsu-san had said he was a big brother, and that meant protecting Kaori. Even if he had to protect her from her own father.

_Surrounded, surrounded,_

"Leave her alone," he said again. "She didn't do nothing!"

"You little bastard. I'll teach you to..."

Odin took one wild swing, a back hand towards the boy. But Heero had expected this. Pulling Kaori with him, he sidestepped the swing and Odin went sprawling. Heero caught the distinct smell of whiskey as Odin stumbled by.

_Why'd you have to wait?_

Kaori was crying, clinging to Heero. Odin muttered obscenities as he staggered out of the room. Heero knew there would be hell to pay later, but he didn't care at the moment. He turned his attention to Kaori. He dried her tears on his shirt sleeve as he righted her clothes the best he could. She sobbed, weeping into his arms.

"He'll punish you," she whispered. "And he'll punish me."

_Where were you, where were you?_

Heero nodded a little as he sat on the floor, his sister still clinging to him. He could see the faint bruising on her arms, everywhere. He knew this wasn't the first time. Far from it. He'd ignored the screams before, but not anymore.

_Just a little late..._

But Heero couldn't always be there. It was far from the last time. Kaori would never speak of what happened when Heero wasn't around, but sometimes he'd have to hold the girl as she wept, and he saw the bruises. Eventually, as years passed, they appeared less often, until by the time Kaori was eleven, they almost never showed up.

Almost never, but they never truly left.

_You found me, you found me..._

***End Flashback***

Heero's voice was soft, quiet. It was dead. He related the events with a detachment that Duo knew he didn't feel. Duo had to force his own face to remain impassive and professional. What the hell had Trowa gotten him into? This went far, far beyond simple war-wounds. This was much deeper than simple suicide. There was way more to this than most people could see.

This was going to test Duo's resolve. He was determined not to leave the case like this, but he wasn't sure if he could handle this. This was far more complicated than his usual cases.

And he wasn't going to work on this for professional reasons, either. No. He wad going to do it so he wouldn't have to see that cold, dead look in those beautiful eyes. He was going to do his damnedest to save this man.

Heero kept his eyes on the psychologists face as he spoke. Emotions were so evident on that heart-shaped face. They flickered through those eyes before a stone mask slammed down, hiding everything from view.

It was such a beautiful face. Heart-shaped and framed by a few stray strands of dark chestnut. The nose was slightly crooked, as if it had been broken more than once or twice. There was the shadowing of red almost hidden under the strands of hair on his left side. Like an ages old scar, or maybe a burn. What had caused it? When? How old? How? Questions itched through his mind, but he clamped down on them, keeping his voice on the story he was telling.

He hadn't really planned on telling anything. It was Kaori's story just as much as it was his. But Kaori had insisted he do this. And he loved her. He would do this for her.

And because he felt that there was something different about this doctor.

**Meanwhile...**

As per his new, quickly forming routine, Trowa took lunch with his blonde patient. He could see the time wearing on his... friend? or was there more there than that? Those eyes remained bright, but with more sickness than vitality now. His skin, already pale, grew paler. It seemed every moment effected him, changed him more from the way he was and more into the likeness of a person who only had months to live.

That knowledge tore at Trowa's heart. For no matter how he tried to deny it, he did love the violinist. It had been quick, but Trowa couldn't doubt his love, couldn't doubt the depth of his feelings.

Lunch was a simple affair, often cut short due to Trowa's job. Quatre, Trowa learned, worked only very rarely, as one of two assistants. And he worked for his brother in-law's sister, the ADA, Releena Darlian. Releena felt it to be her duty to see that Quatre didn't over-exert himself. An endeavor that Trowa whole-heartedly supported.

After lunch, Trowa busied himself with his filing until late in the evening. He was occasionally interrupted by other duties, but it was soon time for him to leave. He sighed, but he was happy. Chances were he might could talk Quatre into dinner- an uninterrupted dinner.

As he locked his office door and turned to leave, his cell 'phone rang. Hoping it wasn't Sally with some new chore for him to do, he pulled it out and peered at the number, and was pleasantly surprised to see Quatre's name on display. Quatre had entrusted the number to him after that first long leisurely day together- Trowa hesitated to call it a 'date'.

"Hello?" he asked after opening the phone and putting it to his ear.

"Oh, Trowa!" Quatre seemed happy, but Trowa could detect a bit of sadness in that voice.

"Is something wrong, Quatre?"

"Oh, no," came the laughing response. "Releena just had an unexpected twist in a case, so she needs my help for a few hours. So, I can't ask to spend the evening with you," Trowa grinned, pleased that the same thought was on Quatre's mind as well as his. "But I have a favor to ask of you. I know I shouldn't, and I really wouldn't under any normal circumstances," Quatre's voice seemed uncertain.

"What is it you need?" Trowa asked. He had no problem granting favors to Quatre.

"You know Kaori, right?" It was a slightly irrelevant question. Of course Trowa knew Kaori.

"Is something the matter with her?"

"Well, no. Not really. I was going to stop by her apartment for a moment, though. Heero's busy at work right now, and I wanted to see how she was doing. She's off work tonight, and I don't like leaving her alone for too long. I... I'm just a little over-protective of her, I guess. I was just wondering, if maybe you could... well, if you could stop by there..."

Trowa smiled. "Of course I can. I actually have a few files I'd like to drop by for her. Just give me her address and I'll swing by right now."

Twenty minutes later found Trowa standing outside a small apartment, in a small apartment complex in the middle of town, only about ten minutes from Quatre's place. He rang the doorbell.

"Who's there?" A voice rang out from far inside.

"Dr. Barton. I have a few files for you, Miss Kinomoto."

"Oh. Ah... I'm kinda.... occupied at the moment," she sang, embarrassment tinting her voice. "The door's unlocked, just come on in. I was expecting Quatre by soon."

Hesitantly, Trowa opened the door and stepped inside. It was a flat, a wide open room that held kitchen, bedroom, living room, and dining area all in one. Beside him was a door, steam was billowing out of it. He figured it for a bathroom. Kaori appeared from the doorway, affirming the observation. Her hair was wet and falling in thick strands. A white towel covered her from armpit t mid-thigh, and she was shrugging into a thick, lavender terry-cloth robe.

"Oh, darn," she gasped as she almost ran into him. Trowa looked as she swiftly tried to pull the robe on. She hadn't been expecting him to be standing so close. Trowa started to take a step back when something caught his eye. He hadn't been staring, but as he tried to avert his gaze, his eyes noticed the bright red against her pale gold skin.

"Kaori... what?" Trowa could hardly speak, knowing what he saw. Forgetting any sense of decorum, and thinking only as a doctor, and her best friend's friend, he gripped her wrist tightly, holding her arm up and jerking the robe down and away. Long red gashes traveled the length of the inside of her arm, almost from armpit to elbow. Suddenly so many things hit him. The long sleeved shirts. The first day he met her and 'It'll be the last thing I do.' His conversation with Quatre a few days before. 'I wonder why it's Heero that's suicidal and not her.'

Realisations flooded him.

"Kaori... what have you done?" He whispered, staring at the marks. She jerked her arm away, crossing both across her chest, and not bothering to bring the robe back up to her shoulders, leaving it hanging.

"Nothing," she muttered. Trowa could tell by the scars that these ragged wounds were old, recently reopened. "Nothing," she repeated. Her voice was vehement, but somewhat childlike.

"Kaori," Trowa said... "Tell me... what..."

She sighed. "Doesn't look, she doesn't see. Opens up for nobody. Figures out... she figures out." Her voice was soft. Trowa was confused for a moment, before the words hit him. Familiarity blossomed, and he recalled the song.

"Narrow line, she can't decide" he murmured. "Everything short of suicide, never hurts... nearly works."

The song struck a chord in him. He meet her eyes, emerald to sapphire.

"You wouldn't..." He began.

"No," she said definitively. "Quatre needs me. Heero needs me. I will not let my life end until they don't need me anymore."

"They'll always love you," Trowa pointed out.

"Not the same thing," Kaori returned, and Trowa was surprised at the tone of the girl's voice. It was too soft, too... sad. "One day... they won't need me. And then I can go. Then I can leave this all behind. My life is not easy," she said. "But I have never tried to kill myself. This world needs Quatre and Heero a lot more than it needs me. So... when they don't need me..."

She left the sentance dangling.

"Kaori..."

"No. Go away. And don't dare tell Quatre. He's sick enough without your adding my problems to his plate."

Her eyes flashed at him, sparkling with unshed tears, and he nodded. His relationship with the blonde was growing fairly quickly, and he didn't think even the observant girl before him knew how fast, or how deep, it was. But he would keep her secret. For now.

"Fine. But don't sell him short. He probably knows a lot more than he lets on. And you should be honest with him, at the very least."

He left the files on a table by the door and left it at that.

Closing the door and locking it behind him, Kaori braced her back against it, and slid down to the floor, tears falling freely.

***Flashback***

_Something is scratching it's way out..._

Kaori was curled into the bedside chair, her feet drawn up, her chin resting on her knees, one hand wrapped around them, one hand gripping Quatre's lifeless one. She was wide awake, staring at the wall blankly, but not really seeing anything.

Iria was curled on the other chair, clinging to the form of her boyfriend, both sleeping soundlessly- well, Zechs snored a little, but quietly.

_Something you want to forget about..._

"Oh, Quat..." she sighed. "Please... don't die on me. I need you. Without you... I have no reason to live."

Why did everyone leave her? First Heero... now....

No. Heero would come back. He would. And no. Quat wasn't going to die. No. He would be fine.

_Noone expects you to get up..._

So why was this all so hard? Why did she feel helpless? How could she keep going on through all this? How... how?

And why? What was the point? What's the use in living, only to die? Living an empty, shell of a life? Her father had long ago taken all the life out of that shell. Only Heero had saved just the remnants, the ghost of the person she'd once been.

So what was the use? Why bother?

_All on your own..._

Her grip on Quatre's hand shifted, as a small little epiphany crossed her mind. Quatre was her life-line. Heero had been once upon a time, Heero had protected her, comforted her. But now, she was in the role of protector. She had to be strong for Quatre. She wasn't going anywhere. Quatre was hers... and she wasn't going to leave him all alone.

_With no one around..._

***End Flashback***

tbc...

**AN: Song at the beginning (Duo/Heero part) was 'You Found Me' by the Fray. The second song (All the rest of the story) was 'Little House' by The Fray.**

**Also, this chapter was beta-ed by Foxy. So lots of huggles to her! Thanks, girl!**

**Eh... AND... Be forewarned that the next chapter is a LEMON! I expect all of my readers to act maturely, and only read it if they are certain that they do not mind graphic sex. I will edit it just a little- just a little- so that it's not as graphic. **

**And I'm always open to new ideas. If you think of a scene for our characters, a song you'd like see, or anything at all, let me know. If there is something you didn't like, let me know. If there is something you did like, let me know. I understand that my work is nothing but a poor imitation of some people's writings, but I can get better- only if my readers respond to me and tell me what I'm doing right/wrong.**

**I enjoy reading reviews- even flames. It lets me know you're paying attention to me, and I always try to respond to each reveiwer personally to thank them.**

**And thanks for reading this far. Hope to see you back here soon!**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Citrus Alert! Warning! Citrus Alert! The following chapter contains a lemon. A very long lemon. You have already been warned. If you didn't think this story deserved an 'M' rating before... this chapter changes that. I urge those who are opposed to male/male sex to turn back now. And I urge those who are NOT over the age of seventeen (or of legal age wherever you're at) to turn back now. I give no further warnings than this, so don't say you weren't warned.**

**And PS: This is a very, very long chapter.**

**Oh, and thanks bunches to Foxxy for the beta. Huggles!**

Chapter Seven

_"Let him know that you know best,_

_'Cause after all, you do know best."  
_

**Monday, Two Days Later**

"What about this one?"

Releena held up an emerald silk dress.

"Hmm... I like green. Maybe." Kaori said, contemplating herself in the full-length mirror. The dress was pale blue velvet and fit like a glove, hugging every little curve she had, some a little tightly and some a little looser, testimony to the fact that the dress was not her size.

Releena and Kaori might look close to the same size, but Releena was a good inch and a half taller, and at least a few inches wider around waist and hip.... even if Kaori was more well endowed in the bust area. And since Kaori had no party dresses... the lawyer was her only hope.

"I like that one," Releena nodded. Kaori frowned.

"Maybe. It's just a little.... revealing." It had a tube top and ended very high up on the thigh.

"Huh. Maybe...." Releena flicked through a few more of her dresses laying on the bed. "This one."

The dress she held up was a darker blue, made out of a satiny material. On the hangar, it seemed to be sleeveless, the back dipping down dangerously low. The dress was slender, meant to fit like a second skin from chest to thigh, where it gently flared out. More blue gauze sheer flitted around, peeking from several slits in the skirt.

"Ohh..." Kaori cooed, catching the dress Releena tossed to her. She immediately shrugged out of the velvet tube dress, standing with just her underwear on as she slipped the new dress on. Releena helped, zipping up the back zipper, and then Kaori was back in front of the mirror. The dress looked awesome, Releena admitted. And looked better on Kaori than it did her. It fit snugly- very snugly- around the bust, but the dress, meant to fit like a second skin, was clinging to Kaori's curves loosely, but not too loosely. Releena grasped two lenghts of gauzy ribbon, attached to the front of the chest, and tied them around Kaori's neck, so that it was more of a halter sleeve than sleeveless.

Kaori sighed. It was a beautiful dress. But it had a flaw... it showed her flaws.

She held out her arm, admired the long, harsh scratches against her pale, smooth skin.

"I have gloves," Releena said with a little sigh, fetching a pair of sapphire satin gloves, tugging them onto Kaori's fingers. Pulled all the way up, they reached her thin upper arm, effectively hiding the worst of the marks.

"A little foundation and powder will cover up these," Releena softly traced the few still-visible wounds before leaning her head on Kaori's shoulder.

"I wish you wouldn't do that," she murmered into the younger girl's hair.

Kaori sighed. It was a long feud. Releena had been the first person to ever find out about her depression, and her cutting. And until the other day, with Trowa... she'd been the only person besides Heero to ever know.

"I know," Kaori whispered. Releena nodded, leaning back.

"Kaori... you are beautiful. I wish you'd take better care of yourself. Stop the cutting. Start eating again. Go to that psychologist you're making Heero go to. You know, it's hypocritical," Releena snapped, suddenly angry. "Making him think he's crazy, when you're just as bad off as he is."

"He knows about me," Kaori whispered.

"Who? Heero? Duh."

"No. Dr. Barton." Her voice was low. Releena's eyes narrowed.

"...."

"He came by my house to drop off some copies of the forms I signed. He... he saw."

"What did you say?"

"That it was my business. He said he thought I should tell Quatre."

Releena nodded. "He's right, you know? Quatre has a right to...."

"No. I stand here every day and watch him get worse and worse," her eyes misted, but her voice was firm. "Knowing that there's nothing more I can do. There's nothing else I can do to save him. I will not place my burdens on his shoulders. I can't do that, 'Leena. Can't you see? I can't."

Releena looked at Kaori in the mirror. Their eyes met and held in the reflection. Releena sighed. She knew that Kaori's will was as strong as steel. Whether she agreed with her friends choices or not, it wasn't her place to intervene. Her brother's brother-in-law was family, but this was Kaori's secret to tell. Not hers.

"Fine." She lifted a hand to the long, loose, straight black tresses of Kaori's hair, changing the subject like she always did. Like she always would. "Will you do something with your hair for Friday?"

Kaori shrugged. "Don't know yet."

"Dorothy's going to come over. She'd love to get her hands on your hair, you know?"

Kaori nodded. Dorothy Catalonia was a friend of theirs, and she had a hair fetish in the extreme. She had actually attended law school with Releena for a while, before she'd quite upon deciding that cosmetology was the better career choice for her. And she was good at what she did. Very good.

"Sure. Why not?"

**Friday afternoon**

Their usual Friday session was in full swing. Duo had slowly broken through over the past three sessions. He'd gotten the quiet man to open up, to talk at length about... well, at little bit at least. He'd been able to glimpse inside of Heero, and see what was truly going on. He knew he still didn't have the whole story, but he hoped that with all these little breakthroughs, he was getting closer.

And the closer he got, the more Duo was certain of one thing. This was no ordinary patient.

And Duo's feelings were quickly transcending the mere Doctor-Patient bond. If they had ever even started as such.

At present, Duo was listening as he managed to get Heero to talk. And he talked about Kaori. If Duo ever gave Heero reason to speak... it was always about Kaori. It seemed that his sister was somewhat of a life-line and a catalyst for his suicide attempts at the same time. It was odd, and Duo was intent of figuring it out.

"I always felt safe with her. Stupid. I was the one saving her. But I felt safe... I felt... protected. She was my favorite place to be. Wherever she was. But... I don't think that was what you meant. My favorite place to go... it's so peaceful... there's a waterfall, and a river, and the air shimmers, and..." Heero stood up suddenly, his eyes distant. "I can't do this. Come on..."

"What?" Duo questioned, his mind suddenly on full alert, coming right back down out of his thoughts. He had been paying attention, but this sudden turn around surprised him.

"Come on." Heero said impatiently, hand held out.. "You said you wanted to know about my favorite place. I'm gonna show it to you. It's... just... I can't explain it. It was my and Kaori's favorite spot. It's where we'd hide from all the bad things. Come on!"

Heero grabbed Duo's hand when it was obvious the younger man wasn't responding. He tugged Duo onto his feet, out the door.

A very dazed and confused Duo followed meekly behind him, thanking the Lord that he wasn't all that interested in the party later anyway- and that no one would miss his presence there, or in his office, since Heero was his last meeting today. Heero pulled him along, down the corridor of the hospital.

"My car's closer," he pointed out, motioning to the employee's garage exit. Heero just nodded and they changed directions. It never crossed his mind what he was doing. Duo was simply focused on the fact that Heero seemed more motivated than usual- more animated. And that's what mattered- Heero. Not just Heero's rehabilitation, but Heero.

Duo unlocked the black four by four and made Heero buckle up before he put the truck in reverse.

"Left at the light," Heero said. "Do you know where Sandrock Park is?"

Duo nodded. A little, tiny wildlife preserve just outside town. He was becoming interested. Heero was showing enthusiasm about something. Surely this qualified as a breakthrough?

"Go to the north entrance." Duo nodded again, as he pulled out of the parking garage.

After a few minutes, Duo frowned at the silence that had overcome the truck with Heero just staring out the window, and turned the radio on just a little. It was still playing his Dark Horse CD. And it just happened to be on his most hated song...

_"S is for the simple need,_

_E is for the ecstasy,_

_"X is just to mark the spot...."_

Duo blushed, quickly hitting the shuffle button.

Ah... better. The strains were beautiful. He hummed along with the first verse.

_"Just one more moment, that's all that's needed,_

_"Like wounded soldiers, in need of healing..._

_"Time to be honest, this time I'm pleading..._

_"Please don't dwell on it... cause I didn't mean it..._

_"I can't believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground...._

_"But it dosen't matter 'Cause_

_"I made it up, Forgive me now,_

_"And every day I spend away,_

_"My soul's inside out, _

_"Gotta be some way _

_"That I can make it up,_

_"To you now, somehow..._

_"By now you know that...._

_"I'd come for you,_

_"No one, but you..._

_"Yes I'd come for you..._

_"But only if you told me to.._

_"I'd fight for you,_

_"I'd lie- it's true,_

_"Give my life for you..._

_"You know I'd always come for you."_

By the time the chorus came in, Duo was singing along at full volume. The rest of the short trip passed by relatively uneventful, with Heero mostly ignoring him.

As soon as Duo parked at the north end, Heero was out and talking, though.

"Come on. I've never shown anyone this place before. I don't think Kaori ever even showed Quatre. It's just our own special little place that no one knows of."

Duo followed along as Heero lead him into the woods, following a marked walking trail. And he followed when Heero veered left at a very large oak tree, leaving the path and making his way through brush and trees. He really couldn't see anything special about the middle of the woods.

He'd followed Heero in silence for at least twenty minutes. Duo estimated they'd covered almost a mile with Heero's quick pace and determination. And then Heero stopped. Duo hadn't been paying much attention, and he nearly stumbled into Heero's back. When he looked up...

His breath caught in his lungs. It was beautiful. The creek that had been shallow and slow by the walking trails, and by the picnic areas, was here. But it ran swift and deep, and about twenty meters away it tumbled down a series of waterfalls of different sizes. The mist thrown up cast rainbows in the air, and the woods fell away to a few meters of soft grass before turning to the boulders of the river's edges.

God... he could see why anyone would love this place.

...........................................................

**Meanwhile**

Dorothy Catalonia was drop dead gorgeous. A friend of Releena's for a long time, the girl- sporting a generously long lenth of hair herself and steely gray eyes- jumped at any and all chances to get her fingers into Kaori's hair.

Dorothy loved doing Releena's hair. For the party, she'd placed a generous amount of curlers in the fellow blond's hair, and had teased it for hours with comb, pick, and hair barrettes until the end result was a beautiful updo of glistening honey curls that bobbed with every graceful step of the young lawyer.

But Kaori's hair was a different matter. Dorothy _adored _Kaori's hair, the entire knee length mass of it. She'd fiddled and faddled for almost two hours, and still hadn't been satisfied with the results.

"Ah, Doro," Kaori groaned. "My neck is getting a crick in it. Just make up your mind... I don't care how it looks!"

"You should take pride in your hair," Dorothy replied, her eyes glued to the mass. "It's the most gorgeous hair I've ever seen."

"That's just cause you have a hair fetish," Releena piped in.

Dorothy frowned comicaly, not the least put out. "This is true," she nodded. "This is true."

It took her another hour... another hour with Kaori complaining and Releena laughing the whole time... before she was happy with the outcome. She'd waved Kaori's hair, so that it fell in loose cascades down her back. Then, she'd pulled up part of the hair into a ponytail, wrapped around itself a few times to form a half bun, a loose knot with waves falling out of it stylishly. It was terribly simple, but when paired with the gorgeous dress, it was perfect.

Releena forced Kaori to borrow some jewelry, a sparkly empress choker with chandelier earrings and a few twinkling crystal hair barrettes, all in silver. And Dorothy insisted on doing both girl's make-up. She went heavy on Releena, using a bright blush and dark eyeshadows that complimented the scarlet spaghetti strap dress she'd chosen. The dress flirted playfully around her calves and laced up on either side of the torso, giving an appearance of a corset. A lacy pattern adorned the top, and the skirt flared out in a swirly length of gauze and lace tiers. Red strappy heels and ruby red lipstick completed her look.

Again, she went simple with Kaori. A sweep of light silvery blue eyeshadow, a brush of pink blush and pale pink lipstick. Kaori had already taken foundation and mineral powder to cover her scars, and no one could tell anything was amiss when she pulled on the gloves.

Dorothy smiled at a job well done when both of her friends stood before her in ther ballroom finery.

"You'll knock 'em dead, girls!"

**Back across town...**

Heero had fallen exceptionally quiet.

"What's wrong?" Duo asked, tearing his eyes away from the scenery as Heero perched on top of a chest high boulder.

"Just... memories."

"Care to talk?"

"Hn. Kaori and I... we used to love this place when we were kids. We'd hide out here when... when Odin did something..." Heero's voice fell quiet, but he picked back up after a silent moment. "I loved Kaori. I still do, more than anything. And yet... she's the one who makes me want to stop living," he sighed.

Duo blinked. Now... that was something. It confirmed his suspicions, but it didn't explain them. He remained quiet and passive, leaning gently against the boulder as he waited.

"Iraq wasn't so hard." Heero began. "It was pretty easy for the most part. The... killing... It... they were all vile. I mean... they had families, loved ones. They were doing what they thought was right. But so was I. I was protecting my family. Kaori, Quatre, 'Leena... all the people I knew, all the people in my life. I could justify it to myself, so I could do it. I could take a life.

"And then... one day, it was a simple mission. All I had to do was plant explosives in the building. The insurgents were storing weapons and ammo there. Two of my team were executed there just the day before. C-4 in all the right places, get out. Boom, it was done. Ten insurgents died in the blast. The rest of my team and I swept the area, when I found a girl. Dead, in the debris. She was about ten, probably younger. She... looked.... just.... like... Kaori. Not really, but I could see my sister in that heart-shaped face. And I'd killed her. We found out later that she'd been kidnapped by the insurgents, and had been brutally raped more than once. Every time I looked at her, every time I closed my eyes, I saw Kaori. My sister. I saw my sister in that little girl's face. And I had killed her. She'd done nothing wrong..."

Duo listened with tear filled eyes as Heero's voice broke with emotion.

"It changed me. I couldn't take another life after that. I screwed up too many times, and finally, after I broke my arm, I got an honorable discharge. The purple heart is still in my dresser drawer, though I never deserved it. I tried to settle back down... but I still have nightmares. Every night, I see my sister's face... and I see myself killing her. I know what I'm capable of... and I can't let myself hurt her."

"You won't," Duo finally spoke, keeping his voice clear through sheer will-power.

"I can," Heero added. "I can."

"You can," Duo nodded. "But you won't. Everyone has done things, Heero. Everyone has a past. I understand that a lot better than you think I do, but..."

Heero laughed, a bit harshly. "How can you understand that? To feel like you'll murder anyone you care about?"

"I grew up in an orphanage," Duo said softly. "I was in it when it burnt to the ground, taking everyone I loved with it. I escaped, along with another. She died three days later. Five years after that, my adopted parents died in a car crash. At my next foster home, my foster brother committed suicide, and our foster mother died of pneumonia. Everyone I've ever loved has died. So I understand what it feels like to lose everyone. I understand what it feels like to think you'll lose everyone you care for."

Heero was silent as he assimilated all of this. Duo turned, looking up at him, trying to fathom the expression on that handsome face.

"We're a lot alike, aren't we?" Heero asked quietly, at last, slipping from the boulder to stand beside his psychologist.

Duo laughed at that. "Yeah, I guess. Funny how things turn out, huh?"

"Hilarious," Heero deadpanned, the reached for Duo, yanking the man close and pressing his lips against the young doctor's.

"...."

Duo gasped in shock as Heero's lips crushed down onto his. Heero took advantage of the psychologist's shock, deepening the kiss quickly. In all of Duo's observations or fantasies... he'd never had Heero pegged as the ruthless type of person to initiate such a rough kiss.

But all protests Duo had died as Heero's tongue rubbed against his with fervor and passion and Duo realized that... damn... his patient was a very good kisser. All rational thought, all memory that he should not be doing this with a patient- an emotionally unstable patient, at that- died in the flood of heat that swamped him. Within a heartbeat, Duo was returning the kiss, pressing his body into Heero's, tangling his hands in that wonderfully messy brown hair as even their depressing conversation fled his mind.

It was Heero's turn to be shocked as the doctor went from tense, to pliant, to writhing against him. He fought to regain the control that had just been his moments ago, but to little avail. It seemed to be a stale-mate, for they were both just as passionate in that hot mating of lips, tongue and teeth.

Without asking for or seeking approval or consent, he moved his hands to the slender psychologist's belt. He fumbled with the buckle before he tackled the zipper, slipping inside to seek out the treasures hidden there.

Duo hissed into the kiss as Heero's hand wrapped around him, extricated him from the confines of his slacks. He thrust into the possesive but still gentle touch.

"More," he growled against Heero's lips as the older man moved, lowering his head to feast on Duo's jaw. "Ah.... Heero..."

But the hand on him was slow and gentle, at odds with the fervent mouth suckling at his skin. Duo thrust against Heero's hand, demanding more attention.

"More," he repeated, his hands tightening around those smooth muscles. Obediently, Heero's hand moved a little faster, a little harder, jerking Duo off. Duo couldn't stand the torture. His breathing was getting labored, and he could feel those lips against his neck.

"Ah... Heero... I'm... I'm gonna... I'm gonna come..."

Heero leaned back up, his lips next to Duo's ears, nibbling at the flesh there.

"But you said you wouldn't cum unless I told you to... remember? Back in the car?"

Duo's eyes flew open. Was Heero joking? Or did he mean that? God, it had just been a song! Indigo eyes met prussian ones, and Heero smirked at Duo's confused look.

Oh, Lord, Duo thought, a little panic and common sense penetrating the haze of pleasure, dampening the impending climax. What have I gotten myself into?

It occurred just a little too late that he was alone in the middle of nowhere with a man who had violent tendencies... a man whose fingers were curled possessively around his cock. Heero gave a slow tug, and rationality flew the coop... again.

"Nnnnhhh... tease...." Duo managed.

Apparently this was highly funny because Heero smirked and chuckled before finally removing his hand, leaving Duo standing there, fully hard. Heero's fingers busied themselves with the buttons on Duo's shirt. Duo regained enough brain cells to see what was happening- but not enough to see the bad sides to this. His own fingers tugged Heero's shirt up, away from the waist band of those jeans.

The sun cast a ethereal orange glow over the area as both men divested the other of clothes.

"Heero... This is a bad idea," Duo managed, though he was steadily kissing any available part of the other's body.

"Hnn... probably," Heero agreed, dragging Duo down onto the ground. The ground was firm, but the grass was thick and soft and cool against Duo's heated skin.

"We could get in a lot of trouble for this," Duo panted.

"Probably," was the same reply before Heero's body pressed down on top of him, lips reclaiming Duo's. Heero's fingers trailed across Duo's skin, tweaking a hardened nipple before moving on, moving down until his hands slipped along Duo's thigh, heading back.

Duo caught Heero's fingers only a hair's breadth away from his puckered entrance.

"I don't do bottom," he whispered against Heero's lips. "'Least not the first time, anyways."

Truthfully, Duo had never found someone he trusted enough to give up that little bit of control, but obviously it didn't bother Heero in the least, because he flipped them over, rolling until Duo rested on top.

"Then get a move on," the blue eyed man urged impatiently, pulling his knees up and spreading his thighs.

Duo groaned at the invitation, and bent to kiss along Heero's jaw.

"Heero... in case you didn't know... I'm not into carrying around lube... or protection... in my pockets. I don't do this kind of thing."

"Me either," the other admitted, capturing Duo's lips in a quite calm, gentle kiss. He knew the hidden question in those words. "I'm clean, I had Doctor Barton do the tests while I was in the clinic."

"Me too," Duo replied. "Sally Po is my personal doctor. I was tested four months ago. But...." Duo pressed his lips against Heero's neck. "I've... it's been a year..."

Heero nodded in understanding; it had been awhile for him, too. Meeting Duo's eyes, he drew the other's hand to his lips, sucking on the two middle fingers. Duo groaned, and rubbed himself against Heero's thigh. Eventually Heero released the captive fingers, and Duo immediately went to work.

Heero must not have done this lately, either, Duo thought. His channel was tight, so tight. Duo groaned as he prepared the his soon-to-be-lover, his fingers slipping in and out, streatching him. He grinned when his fingers brushed over a certain spot, and Heero arched into him.

"Ahh... Duo, Duo..."

Duo loved the way his name sounded on Heero's lips, in that breathless, gasping voice. It suddenly occurred to him that it was the first time his patient had ever used his first name. It had always been 'Dr. Maxwell' before. Duo resolved to hear his name fall from that mouth as often as possible, and searched again for his lover's prostate.

"Ah... Damn, Duo... I need... you.... NOW!"

"You've got me," Duo replied breathlessly as he removed his fingers. He tried to remain slow and gentle as he entered his new lover... but Heero would have none of that. He thrust forward, wrapping his legs around Duo's waist as he screamed to the fading twilight.

Duo's resolve was broken, and the pace was set. A bit awkward at first, having been a while for both men, and being their first time, but eventually they found a rhythm. A fast, hard, excruciating rhythm.

Moans and groans and odd sounds were offered up to the darkening sky as the two raced each other to completion. Duo's hand, and a few strokes that brushed against Heero's sweet spot sent the ex-soldier tumbling over the razor edge only moments before Duo himself.

Duo felt himself falling back down to Earth minutes later, and with him... all of those bad sides he'd ignored through the day fell down too.

What the hell was he thinking?

Just that'd he'd just had the most incredible time of his life.

With a patient, that tiny voice returned.

With a kindred soul, he spat back. He'd felt that connection. That couldn't be faked.

That thought was reaffirmed with one look at Heero's face. It was beautifully devoid of anything and everything except pure bliss, the older man still coming back down himself.

"That..." Heero began, "That was amazing."

Duo almost purred as he rolled himself off of his lover. "Mmhmm," he smiled. "Incredible."

"Yeah. I... I haven't felt like that in years." Heero curled into Duo's side, nuzzling against the other man's neck. "And I can't wait to feel like that again," he breathed huskily.

The whisper sent shivers down Duo's spine, and he smiled, his hand gently moving across the skin of Heero's hip.

"Me either. But think we can take this inside? It'll be getting chilly soon," Duo replied. Indeed, the air was quickly cooling the sheen of sweat on their bare skin. "I've got a nice queen size bed that would be really nice to make love on...."

"Hn. What?" Heero blinked up at him. "Make... love?"

"Yeah," Duo chuckled. "Isn't that what we were doing?"

"Hn...."

"Well what would you call it then?" Duo asked, looking warmly at his partner.

"Sex..." was the simple response. "Just... sex."

Duo blinked and took a moment to fully comprehend the statement.

"Just... sex?" He repeated, sitting up. Was he wrong? Hadn't there been something more there than mere release?

Heero frowned. "Yes. I don't see why you're shocked. You know this can't go anywhere, right? You know that this was...."

"What?" Duo snapped, standing up, scrambling for clothes. He manged to get his pants back on, but didn't bother with shoes or shirt or underwear. His hair was mussed, bits and strands escaping from his braid.

"It was just sex? After I just told you that I don't do that..." he waved a hand at the ground where Heero still sat. "After I told you that I'm not like that... you can say it's just sex? Heero... I.... I am not some whore that does this just for the fun of it. I might be your therapist... but I draw the line at using something like this as some twisted therapy. I only do that if I feel something. If... if you didn't feel it too... then... I..."

Duo couldn't stand it anymore. He knew going in that it could never work, that there were problems to face... but still.... his heart cracked a little as he turned on his heel and stalked off back the way they'd come.

"Duo! Duo? Duo...."

He heard Heero floundering behind him, grabbing after his own clothes. Tears fought for freedom from indigo-violet eyes as Duo broke out into an all-out run. He didn't stop, didn't listen, he didn't look back as he ran. He'd just thrown the truck into gear when Heero rushed from the treeline. Duo fought the tears, pulling away in the darkness, leaving a slim silhouette standing behind him.

tbc...

**Author's Insane Inserts: AHHHHH!!!! Cruel evil Heero! Is he just using poor Duo? Is there really a 'connection'? Or is poor Duo just being a naive romantic? You'll have to wait to find out.**

**And the songs for this chapter were all Nickleback. S.E.X was that first little snippet (duh) and I'd Come For You was the main one. And so sorry for the delay. This chapter was hell to get just right, and I've been a very busy bee lately.**

**Please don't flame me for this chapter... it has been my first ever attempt at writing a lemon, and I think I did pretty good for my first time. I think it was interesting and not too overly graphic.**

**Thanks to Kassidy for the brilliant idea of giving Dorothy a hair fetish as a kind of comic relief, and thanks to Delana for letting me borrow her prom dress as Kaori's gown. And as for Releena's dress... I borrowed the design from a catalogue called Pyramid Collection. The dress's caption is 'Love Goddess' and it's name is the Scarlet Lace-up Dress. I'll probably borrow a lot more clothes from them. *grins* I love this book.**


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter Eight_

_"Try to slip past his defense,_

_Without granting innocence."_

**Friday evening**

The reserved hotel reception room was packed when Kaori arrived with Quatre, some two hours after the actual 'ball' had started. Releena had come a hour before them with Dr. Chang. The first thing Kaori noticed, as she walked with arm intertwined with Quatre's, was the exceptional number of people. The second thing she noticed was that in place of a more traditional string quartet or orchestra was a small stage complete with a keyboard, drums, and a bass and guitar in stands.

Usually, Kaori wouldn't have concerned herself with the chairpeople's choice of music, but she happened to catch sight of a dark head off to the side of the stage.

"Lu!" She exclaimed, coming closer. The head whipped around, and Kaori's eyes met with a pair of dark black ones.

"Kaori!" The woman smiled. Dropping Quatre's hand, Kaori rushed forward as fast as her dress would let her and threw her arms around her old friend. Lu, properly known as Lucrezia Noin, was only about a year Kaori's senior. Her hair was dark black and cropped very short. She was several inches taller than the other girl, and currently she was dressed in loose black pants and a sparkling silver top. A group of five or so people behind her were dressed the same.

Kaori smiled brightly, knowing that no one would ever get Lucrezia Noin into a dress, or skirt.

"Lu, it's been a while."

"Of course. We've all missed you. The theatrical department isn't the same without you, you know?"

"Lu. I couldn't afford the extra classes. And I really needed to focus on my major. I loved the band, but it came down between my love of music and becoming a nurse."

'Lu' smiled. "I know, girl. It's just... we've missed you so much."

"Kaori!"

She turned to find Quatre right behind her and Dr. Barton coming up from the other side. She put on a brilliant smile.

"Kaori," Quatre smiled back, "You should get up there and help them."

"Perfect idea!" Lu beamed. "It'd be just like old times."

"Lu, Quat. I don't do that anymore."

"You sing?" Trowa asked. He'd known she played. Violin, by her and Quatre's own admissions, and piano, he recalled briefly catching a glimpse of one in her apartment. But she sang as well?

"Not well," she admitted with a blush. "I... just liked to sing."

"Please, please," Quatre begged. "It's been so long since I've heard you sing! For me, please?"

Kaori felt her resolve slipping. She sighed, but smiled. She'd never been able to resist Quatre's 'puppy dog face'.

Quatre knew by the look on her face he'd won. "Hmmm... what do you want to sing?"

"You choose."

"Something upbeat," Lu grinned. "We did 'Don't Wanna Miss A Thing' last, so maybe something a little hoppier, but not quite the opposite, you know?"

"Oh! Just Communication!" Quatre squealed merrily. "Do that one!"

Lu shot Quatre a bemused look. "A japanese song, yeah. That'd work. And it's got close to the right beat."

Kaori laughed lightly. "Alright. Just Communication it is, then- but only if you sing the translation right after, Lu."

"Yes! Of course I will!" Lu chortled. "Just let me get the guys set up."

"Damien still on drums?"

Lu nodded. "Yeah. Come on, we'll get you ready."

Kaori flashed a bright smile back at Quatre and Trowa before Lu took her hand and drug her off. Quatre watched as a boy with dark red hair fairly light up with joy at seeing Kaori. The boy dropped his drumsticks before embracing Kaori in a bear hug. Quatre could tell by the look in his eyes that this boy really cared about Kaori. And he couldn't blame him one bit.

"She sings?" Trowa asked, tilting his head towards Quatre.

"Brilliantly," Quatre replied, still eyeing Kaori and Damien. "Well, her voice isn't star quality or anything, but it is lovely. She doesn't sing much anymore. She doesn't play that much anymore, either."

"Then I guess I'll have to enjoy this tonight, hmm?" Trowa said as he saw Lu and Kaori and the red haired boy make their way onto the stage with the band. He'd heard Quatre play, and it was beautiful. And if Kaori was half as good at singing as Quatre was at playing, this promised to be an interesting night.

The music qued, and Trowa was surprised to hear a slightly upbeat melody pour out from the amps around the room.

_"Just wild beat communication..."_

Trowa startled. He'd known that Kaori was Japanese... or at least half Japanese anyway. But she spoke with a normal southern accent, just like most of the people in that state. What he didn't know was that she could pull off such a realistic Japanese accent.

_"Ame ni utare nagara _

_iroasenai atsui omoi_

_karada-juu de tsutaetai yo tonight!"_

Quatre almost laughed at the shocked expression on Trowa's face.

"I told you she was good," he whispered into the taller man's ear while Kaori continued to sing.

_"Nureta sono kata wo_

_atatameru you ni daita_

_furuete'ru yubisaki wa_

_nani wo motomesama you no?_

_"Togire togirete mo_

_tsutaete hoshii itami wo_

_ameta furi suru koto de_

_otona ni nante narenai..."_

Lots of people started to dance to the song. Wufei whirled Releena along, and Trowa caught sight of Sally Po in the arms of Trant Nathans, a doctor from Vanderbilt. Many of Trowa's fellow co-workers were twirling around, all with smiles on their face.

_"anata no manazashi mamoritai_

_kanashimi tsuyosa ni_

_kaeru ai wo shinjite..._

_"Just wild beat communication_

_Nanimo osorenaide_

_kanjiaeru tashika na ima_

_dare ni mo ubenai kara..._

_"Just wild beat communication_

_ame ni utare nagara_

_iroasenai atsui omoi_

_karada-juu de tsutaetai you tonight!"_

Trowa was smiling as he stared in rapt attention at the young, vibrant girl on the stage. This was a different person. This wasn't the tortured girl Quatrehad told him about. This wasn't the depressed self-mutilating young woman he'd met with in that apartment. This wasn't the heart-broken sister weeping at her brother's bedside. This was someone else entirely. This was who she was meant to be. This was who she should have been. This was a beautiful young lady with a sweet voice.

Eventually, after many more versuses, the song left off, and the melody began again.

This time, the woman called Lu joined Kaori on stage and launched with a smokey, sultry voice into an english version of the song. Trowa doubted it was word-for-word, but it still held the same overall meaning.

_"I held your_

_damp shoulders to warm you._

_Your fingers tremble;_

_what are they seeking?_

_"Even if it's in broken speech,_

_I want you to tell me your pain._

_Pretending that the pain's worn off,_

_doesn't make you an adult._

_"I want to protect that look in your eyes..._

_Believe in the love_

_that can change sadness to strength._

_"Just wild beat communication,_

_Don't be afraid of anything,_

_Because no one's going to take away,_

_our shared feelings of now._

_"Just wild beat communication,_

_while being pounded by the rain,_

_I want to express this unfading passion,_

_with my entire body, tonight!"_

Quatrewas pressed up against his side as the song went on, with Lu, and sometimes Kaori, singing about passion and tenderness, the one who is precious to you. Trowa felt his gaze slip from the pair on stage down to the petite blondbeside him. The bright lighting of the reception hall disguised the paleness of Quatre's skin, but Trowa knew that every day brought Quatre closer to the end. He'd already tried to talk to Quatre about surgery to remove the affected tissue. Quatre had refused politely, and only days later the biopsy results had come back.

Trowa's own heart had nearly broke at the news. The cancer was still confined to the heart. It hadn't spread to surrounding organs yet. But it was quickly eating away at Quatre's heart. There was no way they could remove all of the affected tissue.

Quatre was going to die with or without the surgery.

Trowa's eyes misted over as he thought about that, and he tried to fix his hearing back on the song that was still playing despite his inner turmoil.

_".... don't surrender anything,_

_because when you have someone who understands you,_

_you can fight on._

_"Just wild beat communication,_

_Don't let go of love,_

_Unleash all the complexities of your heart, and show me_

_your true self, overflowing and passionate, tonight!"_

Trowa blinked, the whole world falling away again as those lyrics stuck in his mind, all repeating over and over and over again. As the rest of the lyrics came back to flood over him. In that instant, his mind was made up.

"Quatre..." he said, before the song ever finished.

"Hmm?" The blond smiled up at him.

"I need to talk to you..."

"Alright," he tilted his head a little, expectant.

"Not hear. This needs to be private."

Quatre smiled, but a flicker of unease passed through his eyes.

"Alright," he said again, allowing his doctor to lead him through the crowd. Away from the myriads of people. Away from Kaori.

**Meanwhile....**

Wine spritzers and Sally Po did not mix. That was a fact that Trant Nathans was finding out the hard way. The party hadn't been going on that long, and Sally had not had very many of the drinks... but the few she did have went straight to her head.

Dizzy and tipsy, Sally Po was quite different from her usual self. She was currently trying to sneak her hand into the waistband of Trant's pants, and he patiently pulled the hand away... for the fourth time.

He spotted Dr. Chang and his blond date from the corner of his eye, and thankful for maybe a little calvary, he drug the intoxicated Dean of Medicine towards the couple.

"Dr. Chang... a word," he waved as he drew near. Wufei looked up from his very interesting conversation on medical ethics with Releena. He took in one look at his boss and sighed.

This was going to be a very long night.

"Hiya, Wu-baby," Sally purred. Releena saw what had happened and giggled. Wufei merely rolled his eyes.

"Sally Po... you know you cannot hold your liquor. So why did you drink?"

"'Cause is fun, honey. Cum on, you know you want me!" Sally lurched for Wufei, only to be restrained by the ever patient Trant.

"Aw," the pig-tailed doctor pouted. "I never get't' have any fun! You'n Meilan always havin' the fun without me!"

Wufei went stock still at the name. His eyes darted to Releena to see confusion flicker across her face.

"Dr. Nathans," Wufei ground out. "I think it is time for Dr. Po to leave. I trust you can see that she gets home safely and to bed... alone?"

Trant had wondered about that moment Wufei froze, but then he smiled. "Of course. I like my women of sound mind when I bed them. And I'm sure there'll be another time for that."

Wufei nodded satisfied. He would have been worried if the other man had not made some joke about laying the militaristic Dean. Trant Nathans was a man known for quality, not quantity, in everything he did- weather it be surgeries, essays, or women- but he was also known for an outrageous sense of humor.

Wufei's eyes followed for a moment as Trant lead the Dean of Medicine away from the party. Then he turned to Releena.

"Meilan?" She questioned softly. It was more curious than anything, he decided. He just wasn't sure if he could tell her all about his dear Meilan.

"She... was.... my wife," he said, just as softly.

"So..." Quatre beamed up at Trowaas they walked down the deserted hall sideby side. They were heading outside, and Quatre could barely make out the still pinkish tint of the sky, where the sun had just set. "What did you want to say?"

Trowa took a deep breath, and decided the easiest way was the truth, plain and simple.

"Just that I love you."

"...." Quatre's mouth fell open as he stumbled to a stop. "Wha.... No. No, that can't happen. You can't fall in love with me."

Trowa frowned. There was no hate, detest, or repulsion in that voice, on that face. That was a good thing. It meant that maybe Quatre could possibly love him back.

"Why not?" Trowa asked.

"B... because... Trowa.... I'm _dying_! Don't you get it? You can't fall in love with me. I'm not going to be here much longer!"

Trowa stood shocked as tears began to form in those aqua eyes. So... did Quatre already return those feelings?

"Quatre... answer me honestly... don't lie... Do you love me?"

"I..." Quatre's whole body shook with the emotions waring within him. "It doesn't matter."

"Quatre... tell me!" Trowa gripped his arms to stop the shaking. "Do.... you.... love.... me?"

"I...." Quatre bent his head, a sob escaping from his throat. "I... I do...." he whispered.

Trowa sighed in relief, and gathered Quatre up in a tight hug, burying his face in the smaller man's hair.

"Then that's all that matters," the auburn haired doctor whispered in Quatre's ear. "Nothing else matters."

Quatre pulled back from the hug with tear filled eyes, even as he heard the music in the reception hall change, heard Lu take over the entire song.

_Welcome to the planet...._

"Quatre..." Trowa breathed, leaning down close. Leaning back just a bit, Quatre's breath caught as he looked into those dark emerald eyes. He knew what was coming... and he lifted to his toes, intent on meeting it halfway.

_Welcome to existence...._

Their lips met softly, tentatively. Just a mere brush of skin. And then Quatre moved, tilting his head. Trowa's tongue traced the outline of the blonde's lower lip, and those lips parted open on a sigh.

_Everyone's here, Everyone's here..._

Trowa pulled back just a little. Quatre's breath mingled with his own as they stared deep into the other's eyes. Then, like gravity, their lips met again. Lips parted, invitation given, accepted.

_Everybody's watching you now..._

They were lost in each other, in the moment. They didn't see another young couple start down the hall. They didn't see the soft looks on their faces as they turned around, not wanting to interrupt the tender moment.

_Everybody wait's for you now..._

Time lost all meaning. Place made no difference. Reality was an illusion. All that was left was them. Passion, kindness, tenderness. Quatre's arms wrapped around his doctor, and Trowa's hands sank into Quatre's hair, gently pulling the shorter one into the kiss. Tongues met and made acquaintance. Gentle caresses, soft nips. A slow, sweet war that neither wanted to win... and neither wanted to lose.

_What happens next?_

They broke apart, only to gravitate back together after much needed breath. The only thing that existed was that kiss, that meeting of lips. Hands caressed skin through the fabric of clothes, fingers plaited through strands of silken hair. The kiss stayed soft and gentle. Oh, passion was present. There was fire there. But both participants felt the need to be slow. There was no need to rush. When they were together like this... time didn't matter.

_What happens next?_

A figure started down into the hall, and froze as prussian blue eyes locked onto the scene playing out in front of her. Kaori stared blankly ahead for a moment. Her whole world centered on the two men in front of her. They didn't see her, they didn't hear her gasp of breath. She turned, fleeing, as a rush of things hit her mind all at once. She made her way back into the party, pale and shaking.

_I dare you to move...._

She ignored Releena's attempt to stop her. She ignored Lu's confused look from upon the stage, ignored the little tremble of drums as Damien almost lost the beat. She ignored her friends as she scrambled for the keys to her car. The cool air hit her like a wave as she stepped into the darkening twilight. She didn't pause to consider that Quatre had arrived with her. She didn't consider the fact that she'd only been here for a short time. Emotions whirled around in her head as she unlocked her car, nearly falling into the seat. She fought back tears as she tried to sort through the torrent of emotion swirling through her.

_I dare you to move...._

Shock was there. Of course. Maybe even a little surprise. She'd known that the two had become friends, much closer than usual patients and doctors, but she'd never guessed how much. Hurt. Quatre had known about her crush on Trowa. And Trowa had known about her love for Quatre. It seemed that they didn't even care about her. There was jealousy and envy. Pure and plain, but from a different source than she'd expected. As she thought, she realized she wasn't jealous of Quatre because of his relationship with her crush. And that was all it was, she told herself. A mere crush. Feelings that paled in comparison to her love for Quatre. No, she wasn't jealous of Quatre- never of him. She was jealous of Trowa.

_I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor..._

How many times had she wished to be like that with Quatre? How many times when she was younger did she look up to Quatre and see everything she'd ever wanted? How long had she wanted Quatre to be hers... and for her to be his? How much of herself had she given to him... for him? How long and deeply had she loved him... only for this new man to move in and take the spot she'd wanted?

_I dare you to move..._

She growled at herself, shoving away the tears that threatened to fall. She threw the switch and cranked the car, trying to calm herself down as she pulled out and drove for home. She tried to still her mind and force these unpleasant feelings away. Under strict force, her thoughts became numb as she focused on the road. But that didn't keep the memories at bay.

_I dare you to move..._

***Flashback***

She smiled brightly up at him. She hadn't wanted to be here. And she hadn't wanted him to be out tonight, either. But it was all his idea. So, here she was in a aqua-blue dress and him in a black and white tux. There was a small, almost inconspicuous, dot of red on the collar of his tux where he hadn't been quick enough to halt that last nosebleed. And there was a rip in her knee-highs from where she'd caught it on a door jam. The music was old and boring, the lighting in the gymnasium dull, the chairs uncomfortable, and the dance floor slippery.

But all things considered, she thought as she smiled at him, she was glad. Glad that of all people, she could share this with him. They'd both needed the fun of a night out. The fun of her senior prom.

He smiled just as brightly at her, and seemingly without thinking pressed a chaste kiss to her lips.

Her smile faltered for a moment as unknown feelings flitted through her. She'd felt desire for him before. Both physical and emotional. She knew she loved him. And she'd thought she'd placed all of that aside and had accepted him as a brother. But sometimes, like now, those feelings just welled up inside her... and made her long for something she could never have.

***End Flashback***

_Like today never happened..._

***Flashback***

Kaori blinked through the tears, fought through the blinding pain.

"Quatre," she whispered.

"Shh," Iria comforted. Zechs was behind her. Releena was there, too.

"It hurts," she sobbed, though the pain made her breath catch.

"Shh," the doctor repeated. The needle made it's way down. Deep, burying through muscle and flesh, seeking the bone underneath it all.

Tears fell down her cheeks, trickled past her nose as Kaori squeezed Releena's hand.

She kept her mantra of Quatre's name going through her mind. That's why she was here. She wanted to do this. She needed to do this. For Quatre. To help him live.

Hours later she woke up. Quatre was there, on the other bed in the room.

"'Love you," she managed.

His eyes blinked open, met hers. There was unreadable emotion in those aqua eyes.

"Love you, too."

As darkness encroached once again, she smiled weakly.

Because he was alive.

For now.

***End Flashback.***

_Today never happened before...._

Duo pulled into his driveway crookedly, not even noticing the familiar silver mercury parked there. His eyes were blinded by tears as he made his way to the front door, fighting to find the right key. He almost had it when the door swung open and he looked at the woman standing there.

Some forty-odd years old, with auburn hair and warm amber eyes. Short, but slim legs encased in dirty old jeans, T-shirt just a little smudged with oil and engine grease. She wasn't quite skinny, but no one would dare call her fat or even pudgy.

Cecilia Jones, wife of Howard Jones, stood in the door, taking in the figure before her.

Violet eyes dark and muddled, shirt torn and hanging off his shoulders. Hair sticking out this way and that from the usually immaculate braid. Pants wrinkled and dirty. And cheeks streaked with tear tracks.

"Oh, dear God!" She whispered, taking in the sight before her. "Duo!"

Duo only had time to register the warm arms wrapping around him, the familiar scent of gardenias and engine grease filling his nose. And he finally gave into body-wrenching sobs as Cecilia clutched at him, pulling him forward into the house.

"Duo? Duo?"

Cecilia's voice was worried. Duo looked up to meet her eyes, and managed a half grin that was completely fake.

"Hi, Mom."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kaori was still numb when she walked into her apartment. It took her a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dimmed lighting, and when they did, she gasped out loud.

For there, sitting in her living room, was her brother. He was disheveled and looked used and worse for wear. His eyes were blank and looked dull, almost glazed over. Her nurturing side took over, all thoughts of envy and hurt and Quatre and Trowa all fleeing her mind, and she rushed forward with a small cry.

And that was when she saw it.

The open bottle of anti-depressants sitting beside him.

tbc....

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Author's Notes:**

**Songs for this chapter were Dare You to Move by Switchfoot, and of course it was 'Just Communication'- Gundam Wing's theme song- at the beginning. The translation is not literal, or word for word, but it is still pretty close.**

**Not much happened this chapter, but it provides the set up for the next one, in which alot happens.**

**Chapter nine will pick up where seven and eight left off. We will see what happens between Kaori and Heero, we will discover what happens between 'Leena and Wufei, and we find out what happened to Quatre and Trowa. *grins* I get to write another lemon. Yay. **

**I promised Cltc Mistress fluff, but this story is just not wanting to do fluffy. I know I bugged the heck out of her to add some 'happy' to her story, but now I think I know how hard she had it. I mean, how the hell can you add 'happy' into a story where one character is a tortured therapist, the other is a suicidal ex-soldier, the other is a self-mutilating Hooter's girl, the other is a dying violinist with.... less than two months, now.... left to live, and everyone else has just a much baggage? Hmm?**

**Oh, and yeah. Chances of a half-Japanese girl being a perfect marrow match to a part Arab are pretty much slim to none. It's just another one of the artistic liberties I've taken to make the story how I want it. Kaori would probably be a better match for Heero, if medical statistics were to be followed. But, well... I already told you that I'm making most of this up as I go.**

**Thanks to my Beta, Foxxy, for being so wonderful and amazing. You're the best!**

**And PS: Cecilia will end up being significant in the story, and she is an OC. But she won't be as important or as prominent as Kaori.**

**I'm shutting up now, so TTFN!**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Eh... another lemon in this chapter. You've been warned.**

Chapter Nine

_"Lay down a list of what is wrong,_

_"The things you've told him all along."_

**Friday Night, into Sunday Morning**

_I see you there, don't know where you came from..._

Quatre looked around the tidy little livingroom. It was neat and clean, if a little bland. It was done in greens and beige, and was simple, sparse, and almost perfect. Like a magazine. Pictures were placed here and there in simple, neat little silver frames. An aged picture of a pretty young couple. Another featuring the same couple, a little older, with a little girl, maybe about two, and a tiny bundle. Atop the mantel was a picture of the woman and a small girl, though the picture was newer than the others.

_Unaware of a stare from someone..._

"My family," Trowa said. He pointed to the one of the whole family. My parents. Leia and Michael Barton. Cathy, my older sister."

"And the little one?" Quatre traced the edge of a silver frame.

"Marimaia. My half sister. She's only six, right now. Sometimes I wonder how Mom can handle her. After the pneumonia, Mom's never been that strong."

Quatre smiled softly. After finding out that Kaori had left without him, he'd taken Trowa up on his offer of a ride home... to Trowa's house. He knew what he wanted, and he knew that Trowa wanted to give it. He let his eyes drift back to Trowa's, and he saw that tiny frown upon the taller one's face. No. That wouldn't do. He didn't want Trowa to be sad. Not tonight. Tonight was just for them, and no one else. Just for them.

_Don't appear to care that I saw you, that I want you..._

Quatre lifted up and pressed a soft kiss to Trowa's lips.

"It'll be alright," he whispered, before pressing his mouth firmly against it's mate. There was more passion now than before. Quatre offered himself up to that kiss, pouring his soul into that meeting of lips, and tongue and teeth.

Trowa was gentle, but thorough. He explored every recess of Quatre's mouth, stroking and igniting a fire deep inside of his smaller counterpart.

_What's your name, cause I have to know it..._

Quatre was mildly startled when his back came into contact with the wall. When had they moved?

"If you don't want this," Trowa whispered against his lips, "Just say." He moved his lips to nibble on a earlobe, to explore the chin, jaw, neck even as his hands moved to touch every available inch of the violinist.

"Want this," Quatre panted with a low little moan. "Need this. Ahhh... need you."

"You've got me," Trowa said beside his ear. Softly, he wrapped his arms around the small one's waist, lifting him up. No matter how much he wanted this... he was going to do this right. Slow, gentle, and with a bed. Quatre was an angel, and deserved nothing less.

Quatre gasped when his back touched the cool silkiness of the sheets. His eyes fluttered open to stare into the Emerald ones above him. A soft smile graced his lips.

"Make love with me, Trowa," he said, and Trowa proceeded to do just that. The doctor divested his soon-to-be lover of clothes, following each article with small kisses and tender nips to the newly bared skin. He took his time, tormenting and teasing and tasting. From that slender neck, to the smooth skin of the shoulder. Brushing down those slim arms and back up again. Down across pale skin to dusky nipples. From there down a trim waist, to narrow hips. Working his way back, over the tight, firm rear and downwards, past creamy thighs, to a weak spot behind the knees. All the way down, past calves to plant a tiny kiss on the sole of his foot before working his way back up again.

_You let me in and begin to show it..._

Quatre was vocal, voicing his pleasure with small moans and purrs of contentment. Trowa's hands brushed softly up Quatre's now bare thighs, tracing small circles, deliberately avoiding the one spot Quatre craved his touch. Up and up, closer and closer, but never close enough. Quatre pushed his hips up, seeking contact, but Trowa still eluded him.

Quatre groaned, his hands leaving their purchase on the sheets, moving to Trowa. Fingers tugged at the clothes he still wore.

"Wanna touch you," Quatre gasped out, fingers still seeking to remove the shirt, fumbling with the buttons. It was Trowa's turn to gasp as those slender digits brushed across his bare chest, caressing his nipples, pushing the shirt even further off of his arms. He finally took mercy on the smaller man beneath him, shrugging out of the shirt. Undeterred, Quatre's hands moved to the buckle of the belt. He slipped it loose, followed by the button, then slowly drew the zipper down.

As his fingers slipped inside, Quatre couldn't help but smile. It seemed his new partner didn't feel the need for underwear. Trowa moaned as Quatre pushed the pants down, but Quatre didn't tease. His fingers immediately sought out the treasure there. Trowa's breath caught in his throat, then tumbled out as Quatre moved his hand slowly, gently over his now rigid length. Intent on returning all pleasure ten-fold, Trowa stopped his own teasing and softly brushed his fingers up and down Quatre. A shiver went through the blond, and aqua eyes closed under the assault. Trowa brought his lips back to Quatre's, catching the moan with his own mouth, and returning it with his own.

Trowa ghosted his fingers back across Quatre's thigh, gently fondling the sac, before working his way lower still. Quatre arched up, his breath quaking and fingers trembling for a moment, when Trowa's finger slipped across that most intimate spot.

Trowa kept his touch gentle and soft, merely circling that tiny pink opening. Then he withdrew, and with a firey kiss, he leaned up, leaving the bed.

_We're terrified 'cause we're heading for it, just might get it..._

At Quatre's confused look, Trowa smiled and ran a teasing hand down Quatre's leg.

"I need something to make it easier," he explained softly. "Unless... unless you've changed your..."

"No," Quatre smiled, sitting up, bringing his lips to Trowa's in a tender kiss. "I want this." He kissed him again, deeply, passionately.

Trowa just smiled. "Hold that thought, love. I'll be back."

Quatre smiled after his soon to be lover as he lay back against the sheets once more. He was most certainly not completely innocent. He'd played around a bit when he was younger, both before and after he'd discovered his sexuality. Once or twice, he and Kaori had experimented together. But he'd never went all the way with anyone. At first, he was simply shy and unsure and wanting to wait. But by the time he felt ready for that next step, fate had intervened and rendered him too sick and weak for anything, much less physical intimacy. Now... there would be no more waiting. He loved Trowa, and he would not leave this world without having made love with him.

Trowa came back, a bottle of hand lotion in his hand. Quatre appraised the unashamedly nude body striding towards him, and a flush of anticipation crawled across his skin. Trowa's body was long and lean. Athletic and strong.

"Lotion?" Quatre asked. He knew there would be pain involved, and that lube would ease the pain. But hand lotion?

Trowa's smile was sheepish. "I don't do this often. This," he settled the bottle down on the edge of the bed, "is the best I can find. Don't worry, love. I'll make it work." He stole a kiss. "I'll make this wonderful for you." Trowa didn't know for certain, but his was a quick mind. Quatre had been sick since a young age. And if Quatre had ever done this before, it couldn't have been very many times. He was determined to make this a beautiful night.

_You were the song playin' on the background..._

He leaned into the kiss, pushing Quatre down further into the soft mattress. With gentle but insistent pressure, he pushed Quatre's legs apart, pulling the up. Quatre understood and pulled his legs apart and up. Trowa reached for the lotion, pouring a bit onto his fingers before returning to circling that small opening. He didn't tease this time, but softly pushed a slippery finger inside. He moved with gentle but firm motions, determined to prepare Quatre thoroughly. Quatre found the pressure different, but not unpleasant. Trowa worked another finger in, searching for a certain spot inside that velvet channel.

With Quatre's unhushed gasp, and arching back, Trowa knew he'd found it. Rainbow lights danced across Quatre's vision as Trowa brushed across his prostate.

_All along but you're turnin' up now..._

"Hurry, hurry," he chanted. "Trowa... I need... I need you."

Trowa had worked his way up to three fingers into that tight, unbelievably tight, channel. Quatre moaned with the momentary loss as Trowa removed his fingers, but Quatre knew something else was coming. Something better.

Trowa reached, finding the lotion bottle again. But Quatre's hand beat him to it, pouring the lotion onto his own hand. With eyes locked on his lover's, Quatre ran his hand up and down Trowa's length, spreading the lotion, and the tiny droplets of pre-cum. Trowa kissed him once, then settled between his legs.

Trowa took Quatre's hand in his, and staring deep into those aqua eyes, he positioned himself and moved forward. Quatre's eyes drifted shut at that first sensation.

_And everyone is risin' to meet you, to greet you..._

There was a flicker of pain, but nothing more. It was more uncomfortable than painful, and that was it. Quatre's eyes opened to stare back into green pools as Trowa slowly, slowly sank in.

Once buried to the hilt, Trowa paused, waited for Quatre's body to grow used to the fullness. After a few moments, Quatre nodded in asnwer to an unasked question and lifted his hips up, bringing them closer. Trowa moaned, and withdrew gently until only the head remained in. With a soft smile, he plunged back in.

Quatre gasped at the sensation of being filled.

"Oh, oh, Trowa..."

Trowa leaned down as he started a slow, almost intolerably slow rhythm. A part of him ached to speed towards the inevitable end, but he reigned it in, wanting to drive Quatre insane with pleasure, crazy with the wonder of it all.

_I'm breakin' down and you're breathin' slowly..._

It might have been only minutes, it might have been hours. Quatre couldn't say. His breath caught and then tumbled out as twinkling light played across his vision. It was Trowa's face he saw as he tumbled over that gilded edge. It was Trowa's name he called as wave after wave pleasure washed over him. And it was his name that fell from Trowa's lips only moments after when his new lover came upon his own climax.

Even as a glow of peace and serenity settled over them, Trowa shifted to his side, pulling his lover close and burying his face in now damp golden locks.

"Love you," Quatre whispered against Trowa's neck.

Trowa's heart gave a little squeeze, and he closed his eyes against the tears. He'd searched for years for this. He wasn't going to take it for granted, or give up on it.

"I love you too, my angel," he returned, pulling his smaller lover closer. He was not going to loose him so soon after finding him.

_Say the word and I will be your man, your man, say when..._

_//And my own two hands will comfort you tonight, tonight//_

_//Say when//_

_//And my own two arms will carry you tonight, tonight//_

_Come close, then even closer..._

"Meilan..."

Releena stood behind him as he talked, pouring out his soul. She'd went home with him after the party, after Kaori, after Quatre all left. She'd hoped to understand.

And the story he told broke her heart. He sobbed his heart out as he spoke about marrying his high school sweet-heart right after graduation. About the sweet, perfect year they'd spent together. Struggling to balance marriage with starting college, the passion they shared with the differences that made life interesting.

_We bring it in but go no further...._

Releena listened as he told her in broken speech about the argument they'd had. Meilan wanting a baby, him thinking it was too soon, they were too young. The lawyer blinked back tears as she was told about Meilan rushing out into the night, not paying much attention to anything. About the late night trip to her mother's... and about the drunk driver that took her life fifteen minutes after she left.

With the strong doctor in front of her reduced to tears, Releena felt a tug at her heart. When she'd first met him at the bar, after Kaori's quick shout to her, Releena had been infatuated. Strong, handsome, exotic. Clearly intelligent, chivalrous, kind. He had an uncommon sense of honor and justice, and despite seeming a bit reluctant as far as deeper relationships went, he seemed quite loving. Releena was far from naive, but she'd immediately felt something for this man. The time she'd spent talking to him at the bar, at the party... and after... only strengthened that feeling.

_We're seperate, two ghosts in one mirror, no nearer..._

She found her self equally intrigued with all sides of him she'd seen so far, so as he sobbed, she wrapped her arms around him from behind and rested her cheek on his shoulder.

"It's alright, Wufei," she said softly. "Time will heal every wound. And scars just tell the story." She looked at the picture setting on the end table. The beautiful dark haired, dark eyed girl standing in it, a bright smile on her pouty lips. Let me have a chance, she thought to the girl's photograph. Just let me see if maybe I can make him happy.

_Later on if it turns to chaos, hurricane comin' down around us..._

The picture remained silent, of course, but Releena felt a little better. She wrapped her arms even tighter. "Let it out," she murmured into that strong back. "It's not weak to cry. It's strong to love someone like that. I'll be here for you."

That back trembled, and finally the sobs broke loose, pouring out along with the already present tears. She held on as he quaked, and led him to the couch.

She spent the night holding him tight, pondering these strange new feelings inside her.

_See the crack, pull it back from the window, you stay low, say when..._

_//And my own two hands will comfort you tonight, tonight//_

_//Say when...//_

_//And my own two arms will carry you tonight, tonight//_

_Come across, you're lost and broken..._

Kaori rushed forward with a cry at the sight of her brother.

"Oh, God! Heero? Heero!?"

He head turned to her, prussian meeting prussian. But his eyes were dazed, out of it. Kaori snatched at the bottle of antidepressants, dumping the lot into her hand.

She nearly cried in relief to see that she was only missing one dose. So he wasn't trying to kill himself? He just wanted a hardcore anti-depressant to ease his pain just a little? This was different... this was new.

"Heero?" She dropped the pills back into the bottle, and dropped the bottle as she knelt in front of him. "What the hell's happened?"

"..."

He just stared into her eyes for a moment.

"I did something stupid," he said. Kaori searched for explanation in his eyes. All she found was confusion, guilt, and utter sadness.

_You're coming to, but your slow and waking...._

Kaori ignored her fancy gown as she moved to take his hands in hers, clasping them together.

"Heero, talk to me. Please. I'm here, and I'm not going nowhere, no matter how stupid that something was."

He looked at her, as if seeking the truth in her words. And obviously, he found it.

"I... I had sex..."

Kaori's breath tumbled out. Her brother had been celibate for several years. But surely this was no reason to....

"With Dr. Maxwell."

Kaori blinked, then gasped. Pieces all started to fall into place. Her brother's self imposed abstinence. Of course, if anyone could get past that barrier it'd be a psychologist.

"Oh," she let out a shakey breath as Heero's grasp on her hands tightened.

"I made a mistake."

She blinked, confusion coming back.

"A mistake?"

"Kaori... I had sex with my therapist."

Kaori was silent for a moment, thinking. Heero had never reacted to anything like this. Since the war, he'd always had very simple reactions to every situation. At first, it'd been sex. He'd used sex as momentary escape from the pain. When Kaori had voiced her concerns, he'd went from bad to worse, moving on to suicide. But never had he reacted to anything in this way before.

"Heero, admittidly, it wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done. But it most certainly isn't the stupidest thing."

"I... I..."

He seemed to be struggling for words. Kaori shifted again, rising up to sit on the couch beside him, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tight to her.

_You start to shake, you still haven't spoken, what happened..._

"Shh, Heero. Tell me exactly what happened."

"I'm not going to describe me having sex to you," Heero deadpanned, completely serious.

Kaori chuckled softly. "Alright then. At least tell me everything else. When, how. Why?"

"We were at the hospital. My appointment was almost over. And he asked me a question about my favorite place or something. I... I can't remember exactly. So I tried to describe our spot... the falls. But I couldn't. So I took him there."

Kaori nodded. That was something different. Their little spot in the park was just theirs. Neither had ever taken anyone there before, with the exception of Quatre. She'd shown him just once.

"We, talked. I told him about Iraq. About the little girl."

This surprised Kaori even more. It had taken almost a year for her to wrangle that information from him. For him to just offer it to someone he'd only known a month... was surprising.

"He told me about his past, too. We... actually had a lot in common. I don't know what I was thinking, but somehow... we ended up on the ground. One thing, then another, then he'd taken me, right there by the falls."

"Who instigated it, Heero? Who made the first move?"

"Me," he admitted hazily. "And he participated as much as I did."

"But this is about more than you and he being intimate." It was a statement, not a question.

He nodded miserably, leaning into her comfort.

"He said something about making love," he whispered.

And finally the last few pieces fell into place for her. An epiphany as bright as the sun, but soft as rain.

_They're coming back and you just don't know when..._

"Heero," she asked softly, quietly, "You told him it was just sex, didn't you?"

Another miserable nod, and his body started quaking with held-in sobs.

"Oh, Heero. My dear, Heero. I understand now. It's always been just sex, hasn't it?"

"Kaori... I'm scared. With him... it was so much different. I haven't ever felt like that before. There was an understanding between us."

"Are you ashamed? Do you regret it?"

"Yes... no. I don't know. I think a part of me does. I promised that I'd never use sex as an escape again. I swore to you."

Kaori's arms tightened around him as her heart flipped at the naive innocence of her anything but innocent brother.

"Heero... you didn't break your promise. Because I don't think you used sex as an escape, like you used to. You said it yourself... there was something different there. Are you sure it was sex, and not love?"

"I don't know," he sobbed. "It's always- always- been just sex. I've never felt like this. He hates me now, and it hurts knowing that I hurt him. But Kaori, its..."

"Maybe he needs to know, Heero. Maybe if he knew about the dark days, he'd understand why you're skeptical of the brighter ones."

"Maybe..." he echoed, burying his face in her shoulder. She felt the tears on her bare skin,

and she held him all the closer, knowing the best thing for the moment was time... time, and sleep.

_You wanna cry but there's nothin' comin'..._

Kaori slipped away hours later, as the moonlight filtered through the curtains. Her heart was soft and her eyes bright as she looked down at her brother. She let him fall gently into the warm recess she left in the couch cushion before removing his shoes and fetching a throw blanket to ward off the chill of the night. She'd forgotten to turn the heat on to chase away the cool of March. She paused to stare at him for a moment longer, taking in the innocent look of sleep.

His hair was wild and untamed, but in sleep, his face held a soft peaceful expression that she'd never, ever seen when he was awake. Moonlight glittered across his gold-dust skin as she turned to find herself a change of clothes. She watched in silent awe as the same moonlight glittered off her own skin. It was the same as his, only paler. Just like her eyes were the same as his.

She was a part of him, she thought. A small part, but nonetheless, she was his. She chose simple jeans and an even more simple shirt with three-quarter sleeves. She silently booted up her computer, searching for an address on the 'net. He was a part of her, too. And sometimes, a time came to step forward instead of setting back.

Soon, she had the address she was searching for, and as the sun began to rise and cast a rosy glow across the sky, she scribbled a quick note for Heero, grabbed her keys and left the apartment, Heero still blissfully asleep.

_They're gonna push until you give in or say when..._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_Now we're here and it turns to chaos, hurricane comin' all around us..._

Cecilia barely managed to catch her son when he stumbled by the door.

"Oh, God, Duo! What in Heaven and Earth happened?"

"'Salright, Ma," he muttered, the smile slipping away.

"The hell it is!" She exclaimed, pulling him in and shutting the door. The co-owner and operator of the Sweepers was not naive. She could feel the cold, drying sweat on his skin, and she could detect a certain musk surrounding him, but she didn't comment. Cecilia Jones didn't stick her nose in other's business... even her own son. Oh, no. But she could and would pry.

_Then the crack throws you back from the window, you stay low..._

She shoved him through to his bedroom.

"Shower, now!"

"Yes ma'am," he bobbed his head, a half-smile flitting across his features. Cecilia pushed him headlong into the bathroom, knowing that even in his state, Duo could manage a shower, and that a shower would do a world of good for him.

So she busied herself in the kitchen, heating up some tomato soup and making a grilled cheese sandwich. Her son was predictable when it came to comfort foods. As she made her hands go through a once familiar routine, she thought about her Duo. It was true that Duo was not the child of her body, but of her heart.

_It all began with the man and country..._

Ages ago, after she and her husband had tried to conceive, she'd found out that she couldn't. Her body simply wasn't capable. Howard and she thought and considered many alternatives, and eventually, she'd seen Duo. She hadn't wanted to adopt. She'd wanted a baby, to raise from birth. But all that had changed when she'd set eyes on a chestnut haired thirteen year old. Oh, everyone had warned her that that boy was trouble, and troubled to boot. But her heart had already claimed him. It hadn't taken long for her and her mechanic husband to bring the boy home.

She eventually heard, from his own mouth, about the horrors of his past... and the reason he often tried to distance himself from her and Howard. And after years of work, she'd managed to worm her way into his heart the same as he had to her.

_Every plan turns another century around again..._

She was just setting the food out on the table when the bedroom door opened, and Duo stepped out. He was comfortably dressed in PJ bottoms and a tee-shirt, his hair still wet and simply pulled into a plain ponytail.

Disbelief had been the first thing Duo felt. Followed by rejection, then a numbness that had spread over his whole body. The shower had helped settle his thoughts and emotions, and things stuck out to him. He tried to distance himself from the memories as he thought back over what had happened.

_And another nation fallen..._

That had been the most amazing thing he'd ever experienced. Wonderful, he'd never felt that much sensation from physical intimacy before. He'd never felt so close to his partner.

Small things came forward, little things he hadn't noticed before. Heero had scars. With his war experience, it wasn't surprising. And the fact that Heero hadn't noticed, or if he had, hadn't said anything about Duo's own scars. The dark burns across his body. Had it been too dark, too fast to notice? Maybe Heero had noticed, but just didn't care? It was after all, just sex to him, right?

_Maybe God can be on both sides..._

"He hurt you that bad, did he?"

Duo startled out of his thoughts at Cecilia's soft voice. What? Did she... He smiled weakly as he noticed the bowl of soup on the table and set down.

"How'd you guess?"

"Child, I'm your mother. It's my job to know these things. And besides, you show up pale and shaken, your clothes hanging off of you, your hair mussed, all sweaty and smelling of sex. It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together."

_Of the gun, never understood why..._

Duo grabbed a spoon and tucked into the soup, purposefully ignoring his mother.

Cecilia sighed and sank into an empty chair across from him.

"Duo... you know that you've always been able to talk to me about anything. I think I've proven that I can handle anything you throw at me."

_Some of us never get it so good, so good..._

Duo silently thought on this. Yes, she had. She hadn't blinked an eyelash when he told her about the orphanage and everything else. She'd simply held him and dried his tears. She hadn't been repulsed when she found out his sexuality; and a few days later he'd found a very descriptive book and several computer printouts on his bedside table. It was embarrassing, but it was such a 'Cecilia' thing. She'd taken everything about him in stride. She'd supported his decision to become a psychologist instead of following her and Howard at the mechanics shop the owned. Howard was nice enough, and was an excellent father and Duo loved him as such... but Cecilia was much more. She was funny and smart, kind and strong. She was everything he'd ever dreamed of in a mother, in a friend, and he thought it was a shame that she'd never have the chance to be a real mother. She was good at it.

_Some of this was here before us..._

"I had sex," he told her. Her eyebrow lifted, as if saying 'Really? I wouldn't have guessed.'

"With a patient," he concluded. Alright. The brow slammed down, the eyes narrowed, but those were the only outward signs of what she was thinking.

"I'm listening," she said, her voice kind of empty.

_All of this will go after us..._

Duo sighed, stirring his soup absently. And while his mother sat across from him, he told her everything about what had happened that day, sparring very few details. Eventually they moved the conversation to the backyard porch, where Cecilia held Duo as the broken-hearted tears fell.

It was right on the verge of sleep where Duo found an answer he hadn't been searching for. And the tears fell fresh even as sleep claimed him.

For after everything was said and done... he realized he loved Heero Yuy.

_It never stops until we give in, give in, say when..._

_//And my own two hands will comfort you tonight, tonight//_

_//Say when//_

_//And my own two arms will carry you tonight, tonight//_

_//Say when//_

The sun was coming up over the horizon when Kaori pulled her small green Escort in behind a haphazardly parked black truck, and a prim Mercury. She gathered herself as she stepped up the few stairs and knocked on the door.

Heero had taken care of her so many times before, made sure everything was alright. It was time for her to take care of him for once.

_//And my own two hands will comfort you tonight, tonight....//_

tbc...

**AN: The song was all 'Say When' by the Fray (and for once, it was all in order and not mixed up! yay!). Not really any other notes for today. Review if you liked it. And if you didn't like it, review and tell me what was wrong. Thanks!**

**And PS: Foxxy, the best Beta ever, has drew a picture of Kaori for me. It's on Deviantart, but there's a link in my profile, and hers. It's absolutely amazing. Thanks again, Foxxy!**


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Eh... lime in this chapter. No lemon, but still plenty citrusy. Damn, I'm getting carried away with this...

_**Chapter Ten**_

"_And pray to God he hears you_

_And pray to God he hears you."_

_**Early Saturday Morning...**_

Cecilia answered the door after the second knock, and stared at the girl on the steps. She looked a bit tired, but determined. Her black hair was done up in ornate waves that contrasted with the simple shirt and jeans she wore. The chandelier earrings looked more like they belonged to a princess than on a ragged girl barely out of her teens.

"May I help you?" Cecilia asked. She was normally a very kind woman, if a bit contrary, but today her son needed her. And it was barely six in the morning. After the night she had, her mind was a bit frayed, and her voice was a bit clipped.

"I must speak with Doctor Maxwell, ma'am. It's urgent."

"I'm afraid he's not up to visitors right at the moment. If you'll excuse me," she politely started to shut the door in the visitor's face, only to have the girl's hand shoot out to bare it.

"It's very important, ma'am."

"Ma, who is it? What's going o...." Duo appeared behind her, bedraggled and still puffy-eyed. "Miss Kinomoto?"

"Please... Kaori will do fine. Dr. Maxwell, I must speak with you about my brother."

"Brother?" Cecilia began, "Miss, I assure you this is no time to..."

"It's alright, Ma," Duo said quietly. "Can you give us a moment, please?"

Cecila looked from her son back to the girl and sighed. "I'll be in the kitchen, if you need anything," she said, then walked away. Duo held the door open.

"Come in," he said.

"Thank you. This must seem highly unusual. I know we've only met once or twice, but I feel I must share something with you."

"Have you come to do the sisterly act and berate me for having sex with your brother?"

The words were harsh, with emphasis on the word 'sex.'

Kaori sighed, turning liquid blue eyes up to him.

"No. My brother did not need a sister when I found him broken and battered in my home with a bottle of Diazipan."

Duo's sharp intake of breath betrayed the shock he felt.

"He... he didn't...."

"No," she replied. "My brother did not need a sister to tell him he was right and offer to beat you up. He didn't need a friend to tell him he was acting stupid and idiotic. He needed me. I have spent the better part of all night talking with him. He's asleep right now, finally. But I wanted to talk to you before you do anything rash. I wanted to tell you a story."

Duo nodded numbly and waved to the living room. Kaori perched on the edge of the love seat as Duo sank onto an overstuffed chair.

"I am listening," he said at last, running a hand through his bangs.

"My brother has a very bad habit of running from things he doesn't like. After the war, he alienated everyone and everything. He even tried to do that to me. It didn't work. I know him as much as he knows me. He's gone through many stages of dealing. Including being very... loose," she said with a frown. "No. That's not right. Loose doesn't describe it accurately. He used sex as an escape. He used it as a way to momentarily forget about life. He never stooped to actual whoring, but one night stands were the norm for a while. He'd meet knew people every day, and before the night was over, he'd have used them for sex and left. For a very long, long time, that's all it was for him. Sex was simply sex. No strings, no emotions, no regrets.

"I am not one to judge, but thankfully my brother saw the light, so to speak. Only, not the way I wanted him too. He went from seeking sex to seeking death. As far as I know, since that transformation, my brother has remained celibate; he made a promise to never use sex as a coping mechanism again. I have seen him turn down offers and turn up his nose at quite provocative people. And then I come home to have him tell me that in one day, he's undone that. I'm not sure even he knows the full extent of what happened yet, but I can tell you that it was not just sex."

"That is not what he said," Duo pointed out bitterly.

"No. It is not. Because you have to understand, that no matter what feelings were behind it... to Heero, sex is nothing more than release. He might not understand yet the differences between love and sex. He's never simply made love before. Any time anyone's ever touched him... it was just sex. He knows that this was different, but he doesn't know why. He knows that this was much more than simple release... but he doesn't know what it was. You're a psychologist, you should know that one often says things they don't mean when they're scared." He nodded at that fact. He did indeed. Kaori pushed her bangs back away from her face as she stared forward at him and took a deep breath. "Doctor Maxwell, I'd like to know what your feelings for my brother are."

Duo laughed at the whole cliche-ness of it.

"I'm not sure I know. But for me... it was a hell of a lot more than sex. It's never been just sex for me. I'm picky and choosy, and until yesterday, it had been a year since I'd made love to anyone. Lady, I know that it really reflects poorly on me as a professional, but I care more about your brother than I have anyone in a long, long time. I... I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him."

Kaori nodded.

"My brother is brave... but he is easily frightened by emotions." She stood up and pulled a key and slip of paper from her purse. "I suggest you take an hour or so, and then tell Heero what you told me. For once, maybe head-on is the best way to deal. He's at my house, and probably will be for the next day or so. There's the key, and there's the address. I suggest you tell him, before it's too late."

Cecilia didn't call it eavesdropping. No. It was simply being a good mother. She waited until after the girl left then re-entered the living room. Duo was staring at the piece of paper like it was a complex puzzle.

"The answer's not on that piece o' paper, Duo," she said softly. "You've gotta find it inside of yourself."

"I'm not very good with words, Ma. What if I screw everything up even more?"

"You'll find a way to get your point across. I know you will. You'll find a way to let him know exactly what you feel. It took a lot of love for that girl to come here and talk to you. Very brave, she was. Now maybe you should be like her. She loves her brother, that was obvious. I think she'd make a good sister in-law."

"Ma.... Moving a little fast, aren't you?"

Cecilia shrugged.

"A mother lives in hope that her son will grow up and get married and eventually have a family. And I'm just saying that I wouldn't mind having that girl as a daughter in law. She was nice, courteous, brave, and she loved her brother a lot. Duo... I just don't want you to ever be alone. Something like this... you need to hold onto with both hands for as long as you can...."

"That's it!"

Duo jumped up off the couch, speeding through the house into his bedroom. Cecilia stared after him, wondering just what had gotten into her son. Oh, well. Maybe he'd just solved his puzzle.

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

Quatre rolled over, burying his face in the warmth beside him. It took a moment or two for his fuzzy mind to focus and for him to notice where he was. At Trowa's house. On Trowa's bed. In Trowa's arms. He gave a small smile and snuggled even closer. Those warm, strong arms tightened their hold

"Morning," was a muffled greeting from his lover.

"Hmmmm.... Morning," Quatre replied, covering up his little yawn.

Trowa had to swallow the smile and chuckle that wanted to bubble up from inside him with that adorable, sweet picture in front of him. He reached out, gently brushing blond hair away from a pale, but still flushed face.

Quatre blinked his eyes open, and was immediately met by a pair of emerald ones. He smiled a bit lopsidedly up at his lover. Hmm, he thought. Interesting phrase, that. Lover. He'd never expected to fall in love. Never thought he'd find someone he wouldn't mind falling in love with. And it was bittersweet, to his taste. Finding such a perfect thing, knowing his days were numbered. He'd accepted his fate, and though he would regret leaving Kaori, leaving Iria, he'd accepted it, and found his peace with it.

But how would he ever be able to leave this? He met that emerald gaze, and held it as he leaned in and up, capturing Trowa's lips in a soft yet searing kiss.

The hand draped over his hip tightened, pulling him closer. Quatre slowly deepened the kiss as he felt Trowa's hardness press against his thigh.

"We need to get up," Trowa murmured against those sweet lips. He could guess with fair accuracy at Quatre's thoughts, for his own had been drifting into similar patterns as he watched his slight lover sleep.

"Later," Quatre replied, pressing wantonly forward.

"It's already six," Trowa insisted, knowing that even on his days off duty, he was still up at five. "What about breakfast?" He, however, did not break the kiss, and still participated avidly.

Quatre grinned, and with the last of sleep burning away from his mind, he rolled over on top of Trowa, kissing his way from mouth to ear, to neck. He paused, listening to Trowa's moans as he left his mark, before moving his exploration farther down.

"I think I'd like breakfast in bed," Quatre said huskily, the words forming against Trowa's skin and sending shivers through the doctor.

"Wanna see the menu?" Trowa gasped out, playing along. He'd taken charge last night, making it as good for Quatre as it was for him. And he had no problem exploring this new side to Quatre.

"Ooooo," The blond grinned, his lips upturning as the latched onto a dusky nipple. "I already see something I want."

Then, all words became lost in the sea of pleasure they immersed themselves in. After a few tormenting moments, Quatre continued his downward journey, kissing his way past the dusting of pale brown hair and following the trail towards his ultimate goal. When his tongue caressed over too-sensitive skin, his name fell from trembling lips. Hips thrust up, seeking more contact, more touch. Quatre placed calming hands on those hips, holding them still as his mouth obliged.

He sucked and nibbled, nipped and licked. He worked his way up and down the rigid length, teasing and coaxing. Then, suddenly, the breath left his lungs in a gasp as he was pulled away and suddenly the positions were reversed, with Trowa on top of him.

"Trowa?" he questioned, wondering why his lover had moved.

"Oh, my angel. You are entirely too good at that," Trowa consoled, "But I do not want to come like that. Not now, at least. Maybe later. Another time, but now..."

All of Quatre's protests died and floated away as Trowa showed him exactly what he wanted.

And Quatre could not complain one bit, no. Afterwards, he fell back into blissful and restful sleep, held tight in Trowa's arms.

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

Heero knew as soon as he woke what had happened and where he was. And that he was alone. Stretching, he grimaced at the rough, itchy clothes he wore. He hadn't changed since... the park.... and he'd slept in those clothes, to boot. His first order of business was a shower, his logical mind said, taking over. He folded Kaori's blanket, but left it on the couch. He'd probably be spending another night here. He decided to find a change of clothes first, so he walked through to Kaori's dresser, pulling open the bottommost drawer, which was full of his clothes.

Kaori had insisted, and with the amount of time he spent at his sister's, it seemed logical to keep at least something here. He had his own toothbrush in the bathroom, and other toiletries, too. He grabbed a simple pair of sweats and a T-shirt, forgoing boxers. He was not planning on leaving this apartment any time soon. It was on his way past her computer desk, heading towards the bathroom, that he saw the note.

_Heero,_

It read in Kaori's elegant but quick handwriting,

_Sorry to leave you alone. I had things to take care of in town. Take care, and behave. Breakfast and Lunch is up to you, but I'll bring back Dinner. Turned the heat on. It was cold._

_Love you,_

_Kaori_

Heero smiled, and replaced the note. He really didn't feel hungry, but if Kaori found out he hadn't eaten at all she'd be mad, so he reminded himself to fix a sandwich or something after his shower.

It didn't take him long to clean himself, and dressed in his clean sweats, T-shirt forgotten since the apartment was nice and warm with the heater on. He had already fixed and ate a small ham sandwich and cleaned the small mess he'd made when he first looked at the clock.

The curtains were tightly drawn, keeping it dark in the apartment, but the clock on the kitchen wall read almost eight in the morning. It was a bit later than his usual routine, but it was understandable since the night he'd had.

With nothing better to do, he grabbed a pencil and some computer paper and settled down in the recliner to doodle. It made him feel better. He had wiled away almost half an hour on a single sketch without even noticing what he was drawing. That's when the phone rang.

Without thinking, he snatched the phone up.

"Hello?"

_Heero?_ The voice sounded almost confused.

"Jay?" Heero questioned, recognizing his father's stepfather's voice

Heero, boy. I could have sworn I dialed your sister's number.

"You did," Heero pointed out.

Ah. Can I asume that since you're answering her 'phone that she is out?

"Yes."

Hn. Would you mind telling her, if you get the chance, that I called? I would like to speak with her about Eliza's piano.

"Of course."

Good. Then I shall let you go, Heero. My best to you, dear boy.

"And you, Jay."

*click*

Heero sighed, replacing the phone on the cradle. Odin Lowe's step-father had only ever held nothing but contempt for his late wife's only son. But that contempt did not extend to his wife's grandchildren. Jay held an extremely soft spot, in particular, for Kaori and Heero. But Kaori especially. Kaori was the only person in existence that could call Jay 'Gramps' and live to tell about it. Heero returned his attention back to his sketch, pencil in hand, and paused.

Surely... he hadn't drawn him! But indeed. Staring up at him from the stark white paper was Doctor Duo Maxwell. Braid hanging over one bare shoulder, slender form crouching down, a provocative stare straight at the viewer. A shirt hanging loose around the arms, completely unbuttoned. Jeans tight around the thighs, but loose fitting down the leg, the top button slipped open. Heero studied the portrait closely. Something was... something was... off. And then he noticed it, in the shadows, against the skin of the shoulder and torso. A subtle shading darker even than the shadow, hints of... something. Of scars, maybe.

Heero thought back to the day before, recalling every touch and every look as he tried to remember, understand those scars. Had he noticed them? Had he been too entranced with his feelings to see? He remembered, in the dim light, a glimpse of red against pale skin as Duo rose above him, but that was it.

And despite his misgivings about what had happened, the memory still stirred him. Was Kaori right? Was there more to it, this time? Was that the subtle difference he'd felt? Was that the difference between sex and love? Was he in love with Duo Maxwell?

Heero stared at the paper, his mind a sudden whirlwind. And then there was knock at the door.

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

Releena yawned lightly as she awoke. Sunlight was filtering in through the black curtains.

Wait... back up, she thought. Black? But my curtains are burgundy.

Then, she became aware that the warm weight against her chest was another person, and not her thick down comforter. And that wherever she was laying... it was damned uncomfortable.

Oh... memories of last night poured down on her like a bucket of icy water. She'd went home with Wufei... listened to him speak of his late wife... then he'd fallen asleep against her.

Part of her sighed with relief that nothing serious had happened. And a part of her was disappointed that nothing had happened. As she mentally sighed, she physically sighed. She might not have that lovely glow that accompanied a long night of loving, but she certainly felt... safe? Content? For all that she was twisted into a very uncomfortable position... still wearing both her gown and her stilettos... with a fairly heavy man laying on top of her... she liked where she was at.

Which in and of itself was something new and different for her. Releena was a normal, healthy young woman with a healthy outlook on sex, romance, and life in general. She was picky about who she chose as friends, romantic partners, bed mates, and everyone else she associated with. She'd agreed at first because obviously Kaori liked him, and Kaori's opinion was enough for Releena. But after that first night at the bar, after a rather lenghty conversation, Releena found herself liking the young doctor more and more. And while Releena was not one to leap before looking, and not one to make sudden, irrational, or un-thought-out movements, she knew now, with Wufei's soft breathing above her and a glint of sunlight glowing across his raven hair... she knew she wanted him. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to wipe away his tears; she wanted to make him happy.

It was an entirely new feeling, and Releena thought she might come to like it. And with that thought on her mind, she shifted into a (slightly) more comfortable position and instantly fell back asleep.

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

The first thing Quatre noticed upon awakening- again- was that he was alone. With a pleasant sigh, he buried his nose in Trowa's pillow before rising from the bed. He pulled on boxers, but nothing more, as he crept from the bedroom.

Ahead of him, he could hear a low murmuring from Trowa's home office. Quietly, he peeked around the corner and into the room. Dressed in pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, his lover sat at the desk, the flat-panel computer screen in front of him. Quatre made out the visage of a young, dark red haired girl on the screen.

"But Trooowwwwaaaaaa..." she drawled, a plaintive, begging sound.

"No buts, Maia," Trowa said. "I won't be able to make it until Saint Patrick's day at the earliest. And that's only if nothing comes up."

"But Trowaaaa," she pleaded. "I wanna see you! It's been since Christmas! Do you know how long that is? It's like five months!"

"Three, Maia. Only three months," he corrected, and Quatre could hear the grin in his voice. Quatre rested in the doorway, using the doorjam as support as he silently watched the scene before him.

"Ummm... Trowa?" The girl on the screen tilted her head, red curls bobbing about.

"Yes?"

"Why is there a half-naked man in your office?"

Trowa, startled, turned around. And Quatre blushed, realizing that whatever camera Trowa was using for the video call must capture the doorway, too. And that he was indeed half-naked.

Trowa's lips curved into a smiled.

"Maia, this is my boyfriend, Quatre. Quatre... this is my baby sister, Mariamaia."

"Oooohhhhhh," Maia said with understanding. Truthfully, though, she probably didn't understand much. She knew what a boyfriend was, and she knew that though boys were normally supposed to have girlfriends, her brother didn't. Other than that, human prejudice didn't touch her. If her brother wanted a boyfriend, then so what?

"Hiya, Kitty-Cat!"

Trowa blinked at the name, but Quatre started laughing, suddenly not as shy.

"That's just what my own sister's call me," He told the little girl.

"Sisters? How many do you have? Do you have a baby sister? I had a big sister once, but she went to heaven before I was born."

Quatre smiled, coming further into the room. "Yes, I have sisters. I have twelve of them, and they're all older than me."

"Wow," Maia said, impressed. "That's a lot. So you're the baby? I'm the baby. I bet your house is crowded."

"It was," Quatre agreed. "But some of my sisters had already moved out by the time I was born."

Trowa relaxed and smiled as he pulled Quatre a chair close to his and let the two continue their rambling conversation It was nice to know that Quatre liked his sister... and vice-versa. It was a nice feeling indeed. And for that moment in time, Trowa felt like they were a family.

And he focused on that feeling, pushing away that nagging little voice that reminded him Quatre wouldn't be around long enough for them to be a family.

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

It took Duo all of five minutes to throw on clothes and rush out of the house, a computer printout in one hand and a quick kiss on Cecillia's cheek. The aged mother looked after him as he pulled the truck from the driveway.

"My little baby's all grown up," she said, a single tear trailing down her face.

Duo's new-found confidence waned a little when he finally arrived at the apartment. He waited out in the parking lot for a good while, before finally regaining his nerve and searching out the apartment number Kaori Kinomoto had given him.

He knocked once, waited a moment. Then knocked again. It took a few moments, but just as he was about to knock again, the door jerked open. Duo and Heero stared at each other with momentary open-mouthed shock. Duo's carefully rehearsed speech fled his mind at the sight of Heero, messy haired and bare from the waist up.

His mind went blank, and his body acted without his consent, rushing forward to grab the object of his obsession in a deep, passionate kiss. Heero didn't fight him off, and after a shocked moment began to kiss back.

"What?" Heero began when they pulled breathlessly away, still in the open doorway. He was too shocked at Duo actually being here to wonder how Duo knew where he was.

Duo shut the door behind him, keeping one hand linked with Heero's.

"I wasn't entirely sure how to say what I needed to say. I'm not that good with words, and for some reason, they always come out wrong. So... I brought this."

He handed Heero the now slightly crumpled sheet of computer paper. Heero looked at it oddly before taking it and glancing at the title. It was the song lyrics to "Never Gonna Be Alone". Heero had never really listened to the band much, but he remembered it playing in Duo's truck the day before. It seemed like an eternity ago, but it was still only yesterday. Heero's eyes scanned the words, trying to ponder what Duo meant with it. And it slowly dawned on him, about halfway through.

_"You're never gonna be alone,_

_From this moment on._

_If you ever feel like letting go,_

_I won't let you fall._

_You're never gonna be alone,_

_I'll hold you till the hurt is gone."_

Heero let the little sheet of paper fall to the ground, slipping right through his fingers. But though the words were removed from sight, the lyrics still burned in his mind.

_"And now as long as I can,_

_I'm holding on with both hands,_

_Cause forever I believe,_

_That there's nothing I could need but you..."_

"I told you I wasn't good with words," Duo said quietly. "I'll let Nickleback say it all for me. I know that this is wrong. I've always tried to keep my distance from my patients... but Heero, you're different. When I'm with you, it's like I can see a side no one else can. And you can read me better than anyone I've ever met. I know why you said what you said back in the park. I know you feel like you've got nothing to live for... but Heero, I'm never letting you fall. If I have to tie you up and stuff you in a padded room, I won't let this world go on without you. It deserves to have someone like you. You deserve to live. And I want to be the one to be with you. I was just gonna let this go... but someone told me to hold onto it with both hands. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm never letting you go, Heero."

His monologue was delivered with simple eloquence, and hidden grace. Heero still stared at his hands, where the paper had been moments before. Could this really be happening? He knew... he knew Kaori was better off without him. He'd once saved her. But she couldn't save him. He was a burden now, a danger, but she was too connected to him- loved him to much- to see it... but Duo.... Duo hadn't known him. Duo had just met him. He'd done nothing to garner Duo's trust- in fact, he'd done just to opposite... and yet Duo could see something in him to believe in. Duo still wanted him, even after what he'd said.

Anyone else, he'd've called them stupid for thinking that. But... if Duo said it, it had to be true. If Duo said it, maybe it was true.

Maybe Duo was right... maybe he did deserve to live. Maybe he had something to live for after all.

Duo looked at him, violet-indigo eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

"Heero... I'm in love with you."

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

Kaori had no idea what to do. She couldn't go home. Not with the chance that maybe the psychologist would listen to her. She couldn't go to Quatre's. No... she wasn't ready for that. Besides, from the looks of things... either Quatre would have company or not be home.

She'd tried calling Releena's house and cell, but there was no answer to either. Considering how close Releena had stayed to Wufei throughout the night, Kaori had little doubt as to where she was.

She sighed as she found herself, without knowing how she got there, at the theater on the university. It had been quite some time since she'd been a part of the musical guild that claimed the old theater as it's residency. Even as she stepped out of the little, old Ford, she looked on to the large double doors. She tested them, surprised to find them open.

Knowing that someone from her old group might be inside, she let herself in, silently moving through the lobby and into the main area, entering right underneath the furthermost balcony seats. The sound of a soft drumbeat echoed around the old place entranced her, as did the sight on the stage.

The main lights were still dimmed, but the stage was bathed in a brilliant spotlight. That light glittered off of red-bronze hair and cast warm amber eyes in shadows. The soothing beat drew her in, drew her forward. A small smile flitted to her lips as she went nearer the stage. About halfway through her walk, those amber eyes lifted to hers in soft surprise, but the thin lips curved into a smile and remained silent.

So Kaori took those last few steps forward.... those last few steps towards Damien O'Connor.

tbc....

~~~~~{*}~~~~~~

AN: Hows that for cliffhangers, eh? Oh... betcha hate me now, huh? Wow. What's with Releena? And Duo just said the 'L' word! Oh boy.

Eh, and song was (of course) Never Gonna Be Alone by Nickleback... but I kinda said that in the fic, didn't I? Oh well... I don't own it or the G boys.

And as usual... thanks, huggles, and cookies and all manner of good things to my Beta, Foxxy McGee!


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Hey! I'm Ba-ack! Hooray! And here's chapter eleven. It's not as fluffy as I'd planned (I blame it on Trowa! He makes Kaori cry!) but it isn't as dark as some of the past couple chapters. (I blame that on the euphoric mood induced upon me by my hubby... ohwee! so cool to be able to say that!)

Warnings: Sappy! *pulls fingers from keyboard with a sticking sound* Ooey Gooey Sap! Mild, mild, very mild citrus flavor. A teeny bit limey... and it's hetero. (Hey, Wufei needs some, too!) Blame it all on the honeymoon. :P

Chapter Eleven

_"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness."_

_**Two and a half weeks later...**_

_**Tuesday...**_

//And silently within//

//With hands touching skin//

//The shock breaks my disease//

//And I can breath//

Quatre smiled as his lover walked towards him, the cafeteria tray balanced in one hand, habitual stack of files in the other. If someone had asked the blond three weeks ago if he'd be spending his vast amounts of free time with an incredibly sexy lover... who loved him for him... he'd have laughed to no end.

And yet, now here he was, sitting at their regular table, waiting for Trowa to sit down for their usual lunch together. Quatre had noticed changes in himself and his lover in this past half month or so.

He himself didn't feel as tired, as useless, as weak as he had. He felt happier, despite the fact that he never wanted this to end... and knowing that it would end all too soon.

Trowa smiled more, spoke more. He wasn't as quiet and reserved and Quatre found himself falling more and more into love with his former doctor, if that was possible.

After that first night, Trowa and Quatre had spoken about how it would affect their lives, and in the end the mutual decision that Quatre could no longer remain Trowa's patient was made. The case was transferred to Dr. Meggie Cage, one of Trowa's subordinates at the Medical Center. The older doctor was proffessional, and a friend of Trowa's as well. And she'd listen to Trowa's opinion, but she knew in the end it would all be her call. It was a good arrangment all around. All necessary paperwork was gotten out of the way, and a rather subdued and quiet Kaori, in order to reassure her status to make Quatre's decisions if he was incapable of doing so, had signed her share of the forms for both doctors and lawyers alike.

That worried Quatre a bit. Kaori had never seemed so distant to him, but he added it up to being her own new-found love life, as well as wanting to give him his space with Trowa. Something didn't sit well with him about it, though he waved it off. If he didn't know any better... he'd think she didn't like Trowa at all.

"You need to eat more than that," Trowa said, seeing Quatre's small salad. Quatre eyed the larger salad and ham sandwitch on Trowa's plate.

"I'm not hungry. And I ate an apple earlier."

Trowa sighed, knowing it was useless to argue with Quatre about anything. The blond's eating habits left much to be desired. But at least he was looking a bit better, Trowa thought. His skin was still pale, but there were no more dark circles under his eyes. His eyes shone still, but more with life now than sickness. He seemed to move a little better, too. Not as slow and cautious. Not as if any prevailing breeze could knock him over.

Some might say that it was simply the calm before the storm, and some might say that Trowa's love was healing him. Trowa thought that maybe both were true to an extent. Or maybe neither at all.

They had spent near every moment they could together since that first night. Neither wanted to admit it, but it was because they knew they only had such a short time left. Trowa's weekly video conversations with Maia had become biweekly, and somehow, Quatre had been there for all of them. It seemed that Maia was enchanted with Quatre and that the feeling was mutual. With nothing but older sisters, a younger sister was a novelty to the blond... one that he delighted in.

And sometimes, Quatre's candid honesty with the little girl broke Trowa's heart. Just two days before, Marimaia had been whining about Trowa's cancelled visits.

"But Trowwwwwaaaa... why?"

Quatre had frowned.

"I'm sorry, Maia. It's because of me."

The look of confusion was evident upon the small face.

"You can come, too," she had supplied. "Mama won't mind."

Quatre had smiled softly. He'd only had a chance to speak to Leia Barton once. He'd gotten the impression that she wouldn't mind at all. She was a frail, small thing, only a shadow of the beautiful woman in the photo's around Trowa's home. But she was of sound mind, and she missed her son, and seemed happy that he'd found someone to love.

"It's not that simple, sweetie. I'm sick. And Trowa's here to take care of me. And there are lot's of other sick people your brother has to take care of, too. Would you want Trowa to forget those people? They need him."

Maia had sighed, but relented with a mumbled 'no.' It hadn't been the first time the guilt card had been played on her, and she knew it was true.

And that broke Trowa's heart. It was unfair of him to let Maia grow fond of Quatre. She was too young to understand that Quatre would have to leave. It would tear her apart when he had to go.

But Trowa knew that Maia was more mature than others her age. She knew what Trowa did. She knew that unlike other doctors... most of his patients didn't get better. Weather she'd pieced that information together with the fact that Quatre had been his patient, Trowa wasn't sure. Though nothing had been said to his mother, she was a bright woman, and he rather thought she had put the puzzle together. She'd dropped that clue after the second time she'd talked to Quatre. "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all," she'd quoted, glancing fondly at where Maia had disappeared to.

Trowa'd snorted at that. "Whoever said that obviously never lost anyone."

"Don't be so sure," she stated cryptically. "Only good can come of a love like yours. Only good."

"Heero mentioned a dinner to me the other day." Quatre said, as Trowa started in on his salad, snapping the doctor back from his own reminiscing. "Apparently, he wants Duo to 'formally' meet Kaori."

"That's nice. It's sweet."

"He invited us," Quatre continued.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? Maybe it should be just family..."

Quatre eyes frowned.

"Trowa. It might be difficult to understand the bond we have, but Kaori is just as much my sister as Maia is yours. And that makes Heero my brother. Even he would say the same. We are family. And now... you and Duo are making your way into that family. I'm actually surprised that Heero didn't mention Releena, or my sister Iria."

"How do all of you know each other?" Trowa blinked up. He was beginning to figure it out... but there was still so much to learn about them. "There is quite a few of you, and I don't see how you're all connected."

This time, Quatre smiled. "Simple, really. I moved here to live with my sister Iria when I was a kid, about nine or ten. A few years later, I met Kaori. She introduced me to Heero. Heero introduced me to his then girlfriend, Releena..."

"Excuse me?" Trowa nearly sputtered out his bite of salad. Quatre grinned.

"Yeah. Heero used to date your best friends new girl. Small world, really. Anyway, they broke up, and Kaori ended up spending alot of time with Releena... and Releena's brother Milliardo. So, naturally I ended up spending time with them. Eventually, my sister met Milliardo. It was like 'bam' and next thing you know, love at first sight and they're married not to long after."

"Hmm. Very interwoven you lot are."

Quatre grinned and nodded. "Yeah. Heero wants it to be just the five of us at the dinner. He didn't even invite Damien."

"Why would he invite the drummer?"

"Because Kaori's been dating him for the past two weeks, silly. But anyways, I wondered if maybe you could pick Kaori up? I'm going to drive Heero to Duo's, and it's be silly to make a trip back... and I really hate the thought of her driving that stupid car of hers, though she loves it so."

Trowa nodded, and resumed eating as Quatre prattled of a date and time. He'd enjoy a few moments to speak to Kaori. Ever since the charity party, she'd seemed distant to him, and he really wanted to clear the air between them.

He'd kept her secret... but she was going to have to trust him a hell of a lot more if all of this was going to work out.

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

//Your faith, like the pain,//

//Draws me in again...//

//She washes all my wounds for me,//

//The darkness in my veins,//

//I could never explain....//

Releena had seen Wufei a few times since that fateful night. Her work... and his... kept them apart, but they managed to fit in a couple of romantic dates. Their relationship was slow, but budding and growing with every new meeting, with every small, chaste little kiss.

Neither spoke much about what happened that night, but for Releena, it weighed heavily on her mind. She knew Wufei was scarred and jaded after what had happened to him, and it seemed that though he dated normally, he was scared to make an actual commitment, afraid to actually let love in.

Releena was practical. She knew she didn't love Wufei... yet. But she felt herself sliding further and further towards that inevitable outcome every day. Each day was a tiny bit more of herself she was loosing to him. And each day was that tiny bit more of him she was receiving. She knew that while he might be falling for her, it was much slower than her own decent.

But she truthfully didn't care. Any bit of his love was enough for her. She knew she could never ever replace what he lost. She didn't want to. And she didn't want to be a substitute. She wanted to be herself, and have him love her as she was, for who she was. She could, and if this relationship continued, would share him with his ghosts... just as he'd have to put up with her own. But she would not have him try to make her into the ghost.

She was determined that one day... he would be hers.

Wufei gazed across into blue, almost lilac, eyes. Tuesday was one of Releena's (rare) days off. And while he was on call today, he didn't have to stay at the hospital. So they were together for most of today. Releena had decided on a picnic for lunch. Instead of the logical choice of the town park, Releena had insisted they go deeper into the park, past the hidden falls and to where the boulders outnumbered trees, and the water lept and bubbled playfully on it's rocky bed.

They'd spread a wide, checkerpattern blanket across a large and fairly flat expanse of rock just out of the water's reach, so that they could feel the slight mist without getting even the slightest bit wet.

Lunch was long since finished, and they'd laid back, idly talking and feeding each other grapes and bits of apple. Their conversation had somehow turned to the aphrodisiac properties of various foods. And during that conversation, those blue eyes had darkened as they stared back at him. Idly, he picked the last grape and held it out for her.

With a sultry look, she gently opened her mouth and drew not only the grape, but his two fingers into her mouth.

Wufei didn't have the time to swallow the moan that bubbled up, and the sound caused Releena's lips to curve upwards. Releasing his fingers, she rolled to straddle him. Her unbound hair flowed in a curtain around them as she leaned down and caught his lips in a warm kiss.

"There's something I want to do," she whispered huskily against his lips. "I've never done it before... but I want to try. So tell me if I mess up, kay?"

He could only nodd numbly as she took her hands, busied her fingers with the belt of his slacks.

"Leena..." Her name was a moan as his eyes stared, unseeing, at the brilliant, clear blue sky above them. He thought to push her away, to move her. She... she shouldnt' be doing this. He shouldn't let her. He knew she wasn't the prim proper lady she often pretended to be. She had a fire in her eyes, and a passion in her soul. She might give off that polished aura, but she was as far from perfect as one could get.

But still, the other part of him argued even as her fingers tugged at his pants, pulling the fly down and open. She might not be an angel... but she still shouldn't be doing... this...

Even his thoughts turned to mumbles as she finally found what she was seeking, drawing him from his silk boxers.

"Oh, my," she breathed as her fingers ghosted across his rigid flesh. She moved her hand up and down, drawing her smooth palm across his hot skin. She pressed a kiss to his lips before she moved. Down, until Wufei felt her warm breath across the same skin her fingers teased. And then, she placed her lips on him.

He gasped, and his hips bucked up uncontrolably, eyes falling closed. It was far from Wufei's first blow job. And, it was probably far from the most talented. Releena's tounge and lips were not talented, but enthusiastic. She didn't have the experience, but she made up for it in willingness to please and learn. Her tentative, almost innocent, touches held more power to drive him mad than the most experienced woman.

But, the feelings swirling inside him welled up until the felt he might burst. It was quite a time for an epiphany, but even as stars exploded behind his eyes, even as his vision went blank and his mind soared, Chang Wufei knew that as sure as he'd never truely get over Meiran... he'd never- ever- get over Releena.

Under the afternoon sun, in the spring air, Wufei knew that he was in love.

//Am I that strong?//

//To carry on?//

//I might change your life...//

//I might save my world...//

//Could you save me?//

"Cecilia," Heero nodded to the woman who opened the door. As usual, he thought that she bore her age and maturity well. Better than most.

Her hair, cropped in loose ringlets to her shoulders, was a pale brown with bare hints of red in it, and her eyes were a warm dark brown, hovering between topaz and chocolate. There were strands of soft gray woven through her locks of hair, and wrinkles soothed the sharp angles of her face and high cheekbones. She spoke with a classic 'southern belle' accent and her voice was warm and sweet as molasses. She might have fit in well on Tara with Scarlett and Rhett.

Heero had immediately placed her as the grand epitome of motherhood, until he'd noticed that she wore torn jeans and a motor oil stained T-shirt. The only jewelry she wore was a plain gold wedding band.

She intimidated him at first, but he soon realized she was the type of mother that you either wished you had, or thanked God you didn't. She was the type of mother who assumed the 'friend' role, the 'mother' role, the 'sister' roll... she was a charming, unique, and eccentric lady. And before that first week was over, she'd already had him at ease with her.

She'd been at Duo's at least three times a week since the 'misunderstanding' as they called it. And tonight was one of those nights. It had been Duo's idea. If Duo was going to have to 'formally' meet Kaori, he figured that Heero should at least get introduced properly to Duo's parents. As it was, Heero knew Cecilia quite well. It was only Duo's father... the Infamous Howard Jones... that Heero had yet to meet.

"Heero," she said warmly in response to his greeting. Her clothes were a bit cleaner today, but still less than perfect. Slender jeans paired with a loose yellow blouse. And yet she still looked like an angel, ready to tackle any Cinderella ball. He'd been amazed that such a woman as she accepted him so readily.

"Howard," she called out into the house, and Heero noticed that the whole home was bright and lit up.

"Whaddya want, woman?" came a grouched voice. Heero blinked at Cecilia's amused scowl.

"Get yer ass in here, old man. Time t'meet yer son's boyfriend!"

Heero tried to hold in his own amusement at the normally eloquent woman's sudden redneck drawl and rough voice. The way that sweet, slow accent turned violent and crude. It was amusing. He would never understand her. But then, would he ever truely understand every facet of Duo?

A head poked around the door, peering at them.

"Hot damn, why didn't ya say so in the first place, Sill?"

She just scowled at her husband as he came into the room. Heero would never have beleived this to be Cecilia's husband if not for all the pictures around Duo's home. Despite her clothes, Cecilia exuded an aura of primness- she carried herself as though she herself was Scarlett O'Hara, Cinderella, Queen Elizabeth, Cleopatra, or Aphrodite. Howard Jones did no such thing. He wore baggy cargo shorts and a horrific Hawaiian print shirt. His gray and receding hair was a mess, and the glasses perched on his nose were much too awkward for his face. His attire and overall mannerisms portrayed an aura of carelessness and even a bit of laziness, though Heero knew that wasn't true. Duo's parents owned the most prestigious family-ran auto shop this side of the Mississippi, and they'd built it from the ground up. They were anything but careless or lazy.

He held out his hand to the man.

"Heero Yuy, pleased to meet you," he said.

The man grinned before taking his hand. "Ye never said he was so proper," he commented to his wife.

Cecilia sighed, her elegant and natural accent coming back, at least partly. "Everyone ain't as laid-back as you, dear."

"Yeah, half the world's got sticks the size o' pine trees up their ass." He leered at Heero, "Thought I think this'n's got something else up his ass!"

"Howard!" Torn between a real scowl and a belly laugh, Cecilia swatted at the back of her husband's head, her face a twist of humor and horror. Heero appropriately blushed fire engine red at the innuendo, as did Duo, who had entered the room just in time to hear the comment.

"Dad! Geesh," Duo exclaimed. He took Heero's hand and dragged him away from the now guffawing Howard and Cecilia, trying to hold back her laughter, though it escaped in almost deranged little giggles.

"Ignore them," he whispered to Heero. "Dad's brain is not connected to his mouth. And his sense of humor is very very warped. Ma's just a bad, 'cept she hides it better most of the time."

Heero clutched at Duo as the laughter echoed through the house. Between what had just happened, and Cecilia's promise of stories from Duo's earlier years, Heero felt a bit frightened. Somehow... he had the feeling that this was going to be one very, very long night.

Heero wrapped his arms around Duo's waist as the psychologist stood at the stove. He placed a soft kiss against the exposed neck. Duo purred and leaned back into the embrace.

"Ten minutes" Duo managed to moan out under the attention. "Dinner'll be out in ten minutes. Then they can eat, and they can leave. Then you can apologize properly for making me endure them."

Heero chuckled.

"I like your parents," he said. "They seem... real."

"More like really annoying," Duo laughed. "Why don't you grab the plates and set the table? That always scores brownie points with Moms."

"I think your mom likes me just fine," Heero pointed out, but he unwrapped his arms and proceeded to gather up the plates, with just a small kiss against his lover's neck.

He thought back over the past month. Things were certainly alot different now than they were back then. Things were different now than they were two and a half weeks ago. He wished he could say that, when Duo showed up and spilled his heart out that Saturday morning, it was all romantic and sweet and they squealed with joy and had at each other like rabbits right there on his sister's living room floor... um, well, maybe not the rabbit part. That's what it was supposed to be like, right? That's how the novel was supposed to go. Perfect ending, drawing to a close just as the fun starts happening. That was how the movie always ended. That long, slow, passionate kiss right as the screen fades to black. That's what Heero wished had happened.

But the truth was, it hadn't happened exactly like that. Life didn't always go like the movies, and Fate certainly had it in for Heero. He'd stood there, shocked into open-mouthed speechlessness, Duo standing in front of him with sparkling eyes and a sheet of computer paper on the floor in front of him. And it never crossed his mind at that moment that he was half naked with wet, uncombed hair.

Heero sat the plates upon the table, aligning the silverware just so with them, and let his mind wander.

*Flashback*

"Heero..." Duo's voice was small, weak. "Heero, just say something." His eyes sparkled with tears as he stared at the man across from him. Heero's mouth was hanging open, his eyes wide.

"Wh....wh...." Heero started to speak, doing a stuttering, but incredible imitation of a fish.

"Heero... I'm so sorry. Your sister... she came by my house. She told me all about what happened before. And I thought I ought to take her advice and tell you how I feel. And that's the truth of it all... I love you."

That snapped Heero out of his stupor. "Kaori? Kaori told you... about me?" It wasn't anger that she had told his personal life to someone behind his back. It wasn't the feeling that she actually cared enough to go do it... it was something else all together.

"You know..."

"About your seeking solace? Yeah. She told me." Duo said with a straight face.

"And... you still...."

"Love you? Yeah. I do."

"But... I.... I..."

Duo swept forward again, silencing Heero with a searing kiss.

"Yeah. I. Me. You. Us. We. All of those things. I want them all. Heero... please just say that she was right. Please just say you don't hate me..." the last part was just a whisper against Heero's lips.

"Duo... I... I don't hate you, but I don't know if I love you. But... I...."

"Shhh," Duo said, silencing him with another kiss. "That's enough for today. We'll work on the rest. Just for now... let me show you love. Let me love you..."

And he did.

*End Flashback*

Heero had never really loved anyone except Kaori. The sensation was new to him, and he still wasn't sure of it, or of himself. But he was sure of Duo. And Heero knew that he felt something for Duo. Something more, something different. Something bigger than anything he'd ever felt before. And aparently, this was love.

It wasn't quite like he'd expected. He'd read about roses and light-headedness. Soft kisses and soul mates and complete compliments to each other.

He'd expected polar oposites, divorces, weakness, and silly wastes of time. Somehow, this was different than either. He and Duo weren't totally alike. They had their differences, but they could overcome them. There was romance, but not cliche' or over-dramatic romance. There were soft kisses, but there was fire and passion along with them. There were weaknesses, but their strenghts covered the other's weakness, made up for them somehow.

And Duo wasn't his soul mate. That was a concept he understood even less than love, but he was pretty sure that if there was a true other half of his soul, it would be his sister. His sister who loved him more than she loved herself. After what they'd gone through together in surviving Odin Lowe... Heero expected that of anyone... she was his soul mate.

And after all, she was the one who'd managed to keep him from wreaking what was the single best thing to ever happen to him. She was the one who managed to save the most precious thing to him, besides herself.

She was the one who'd managed to talk some sense into him.

//And all of your waves//

//All you dream//

//Falls on me, it falls on me//

//And your beautiful sky//

//The light you bring//

//Falls on me, it falls on me//

_**Wednesday**_

Kaori wasn't sure exactly what happened. One moment, she'd been wallowing in self-pity, fancying thoughts that weren't very kind-natured about her best friend and his new lover. The next, it all sort of filtered away with the beating of a drum.

Damien O'Conner certainly wasn't a 'catch' by any physical means. He was barely half an inch taller than she, and his much too pale skin was dusted liberally with bright freckles that concentrated around his cheeks. His face was a bit rounded, and his body, while it wasn't overweight, had enough meat to soften the angles.

But what he lacked in physical beauty, he more than made up for in sheer personality. He was kind and patient, spoke his mind (even if no one wanted to hear it), and he was incredibly loving and understanding. Kaori wondered why she'd never noticed all of this before, back when she was still part of the band.

She figured that she probably did, she was just much too obsessed over Quatre to worry about him. But she was not going to make that mistake again. Damien was a wonderful and respectful man who was showing interest in her not only as a potential romantic partner, but as a simple friend as well.

It had all really started that morning in the theater. She'd listened to him play for a while before moving to the keyboard still set up there and joining in, spinning the notes in beautifully with the beat. For a good few hours, no words were spoken. No words were needed. It seemed that Damien knew what she was feeling.

And for all of that, she was grateful. That one morning had extended into a lunch date, from there it simply grew. They'd gone to the movies, to dinner, even to one or two double dates with Lucrezia Noin and her current beau, Otto.

She'd not quite gotten used to the idea that Quatre had a lover yet. And certainly not gotten used to fact that said lover was Doctor Trowa Barton. Especially the second part. It should have been easier for her, she thought. She knew Dr. Barton would take care of Quatre... she knew he would be good for her friend. But there was still that feeling of insignificance. She was used to being Quatre's anchor, his life line. That life line was a two way street; she depended just as much on him.

And now... that line was unraveling. And it wasn't just Quatre. She was loosing her Heero too. Once, she'd thought that when they both found love, she could simply take her own life and be done with it. But Damien, and her own consiousness, changed that. She didn't think she could actually kill herself. Damien loved her, and while she wasn't sure of her own feelings, she knew that there was enough there for her to live for. There was enough there for her to want to live.

Tonight would be one of the first nights she wouldn't be spending with Damien. Tonight... she'd be with her brother... correction, brothers... and their boyfriends.

Tonight.... would be hell.

Trowa pondered things as he, for the second time since he'd met her, walked from the parking lot up to her apartment. He knew that Quatre had a substantial trust fund from his mother, but he'd heard from Duo that Heero's parents had been well-to-do. Quatre and Heero's shared apartment reflected that wealth. But Kaori... if she had such money... and he suspected that Heero would never deny the girl her part of the inheritance... why did she not use it? Her apartment was modest and in a low-rent district. It was small. Her clothes... he'd always seen her in fashionable dress, but never in brand names or designers. Always simple. From what he'd seen and heard, she didn't own any real jewelry except for her parents wedding rings, which against Heero's wishes she'd kept in a box in her closet.

And she was working her way through school. Where was her money? What had she done with it?

He knocked on her door, and within moments, it opened. Kaori stood there. She wore a pale lilac dress that had a scooped neckline and three quarter sleeves. It fit slightly snug around her upper body, but it flared out at her waist before stopping just above her knees. She'd added a few inches to her height with silvery colored heels, and her long hair had been pulled up in one of those beautifully messy buns, held in place by pearly chopsticks, with a few short wisps framing her face and a few falling from the up-do. Her eyes were shadowed with silvery lavender, her lips tinted with a glossy pale pink.

There was no doubt that the girl had clear style, and a classic beauty to carry that style with.

"Dr. Barton," she nodded cooly, turning away.

"I already told you, please call me Trowa."

"As you wish," she said. He sighed.

"Kaori... this really must stop. What have I done to you? I've kept your secret. What is your problem with me?" He hadn't meant to burst like that. But her cool voice had been enough for him.

She turned on her heel, stared at him with those dark Prussian eyes.

"My problem? I still love Quatre, you idiot. Even _HE_ knows that."

Trowa blinked. What? But it made sense. And it had been painfully obvious.

"I love him," she said, a bit more calm. "I will always love him."

"You think I'm taking him from you?" Trowa whispered.

She laughed. "Yes. You are."

"No. I'm not. He loves you. I could never come between you two..."

"No. Nothing could. But once, there was a spot in his life only I could fill. There was that same spot in Heero's. I'm becoming useless. I'll forever be a part of his life. Forever in his heart. That's what we promised. But, Trowa." her voice was soft. "They're all I have. Now that you and Duo have saved them... who's going to save me?" Her eyes shimmered with tears that refused to fall.

"You'll find someone," he whispered, suddenly feeling his heart bleeding too. He'd never looked at if from her perspective. In childhood, Heero'd been her lifeline. With him gone, she'd transferred that fixation, that anchor, to Quatre. Then, she'd had them both. And now... she was loosing them.

"What about Damien?" Without knowing how it happened, he'd enfolded her in his arms. Her hands pressed against his chest for only a moment before she gave in, the fight simply leaving her. She collapsed against him, her face buried against his shoulder.

She thought about his question as the tears finally fell, running her makeup. In her minds eye, she took a picture of Quatre, his face radiant and bathed in sunlight as he pulled a melody of love and friendship from his violin. Against that, she held a picture of Damien, face shadowed and eyes glowing warmly in a dim spotlight as he beat a rhythm of life from his drums.

Now she simply had to answer a simple question.

Which one?

AN: Sort of another cliffy, eh? And sorta long, too. Don't worry, next chapter is short enough to make up for it. And I'm on a roll, so expect another update soon!

And if you want another good story while you wait on this, There's a 1x2x1 with lots of plot twists, a few good lemons, love, angst, friendship and more drama than Oprah, Jerry, and Maury combined... Witness Protection by Snowdragonct. Just be warned... Naughty Duo, Cop Heero, Lawyer Quat, Stripper Trowa, Prick Wufei... and lots of other neat and amazing things that make this story unique and so worth the read!

Song was Falls on Me, by Fuel.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Un- Beta'd for now, at least. Not as long as most of the last couple of chapters (Not nearly. It's only like a third of the lenght... and part of it is the song). But it serves its purpose pretty well, and I think that a long drawn-out chapter would just detract from the scene. This is really only a transition chapter, because the relative fluff and happiness of the last few chapters is over. Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

What I'm trying to say is... on with the darkness and sadness and angst and heartbreak and... ah, just read it already!

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

Chapter Twelve

_"And I would have stayed up with you all night,_

_Had I known how to save a life."_

It took Kaori another three days, but she finally found her answer.

She just didn't know how to tell Damien. She loved him. She knew that. If she could let it, there could be something special between them. If she let him, Damien was more than capable of washing away the scars left by Odin Lowe.

She could bear Damien's touch. She enjoyed it. It had been difficult at first, for that first two weeks he'd tried to touch her... to kiss her goodnight and she'd flinched away. And after she'd trusted enough, after she'd let him in enough to know the basic facts of her childhood, she'd found that his touch was different than Odin's. Damien's touch was to please, like Quatre's but different somehow.

Damien was the first person since Quatre to kiss her. The only person beside's Quatre. She enjoyed his company. She liked being with him. She loved him.

But she could not fall in love with him.

She could not give him a heart that already belonged to someone else.

She knew it was probably one of the biggest mistakes of her life, but she couldn't hang onto him selfishly when she knew she couldn't be what he deserved. He deserved someone whole, he deserved someone who could love him body, heart, and soul.

And she couldn't.

She stared at the keys of the piano.

"Damien... I... I'm sorry. I can't explain. I don't know what to say. Or how to."

Her voice was soft from where she sat at the piano her 'grandfather' Jay had sent to her. Her grandmother's piano. It didn't seem to fit in with her home, but she could not say no. She's spent days beside Gramdmama Eliza playing Beethoven and Bach and Mozart... anything and everything. She'd always been gifted with the violin, but it was her father's mother who taught her to play piano, to sing. So many things. But not how to speak her deepest feelings.

Noone could teach her that.

Damien sat on the couch, mere feet away from her. He was curled up at one end. Dinner was long ago eaten and the dishes long ago cleaned. It had been an easy routine. To eat, to enjoy each other's company. Maybe listen to a bit of music. To simply exist with each other.

"If you can't say it," Damien prompted, his eyes meeting hers in the dimmed lighting, " then play it for me."

He knew that music was her medium. Lyrics her words, Melody her emotions. Beat was the beat of her heart, music was her blood. Just another connection that they had.

Kaori closed her eyes against the torrent of emotion in his brown eyes. She squeezed them closed, but before her mind had even began to think again, her fingers knew. They moved slowly across the keys at first, trying to translate her feelings into song. Then, as if by some epiphany, they speed up just a bit, falling into the tune of a familiar song that she'd never thought of playing before.

Obviously Damien knew the song. He sighed, and Kaori found herself singing softly.

_"Somewhere there's speaking._

_It's already coming in,_

_Oh, and it's rising at the back of your mind_

_You never could get it..._

_Unless you were fed it._

_Now you're here and you don't know why..._

_"But under skinned knees and the skid marks,_

_Past the places where you used to learn,_

_You howl and listen_

_Listen and wait for the_

_Echoes of angels who won't return...."_

_"He's everything you want,_

_He's everything you need,_

_He is everything inside of you_

_That you wish you could be..._

_He says all the right things_

_At exactly the right times..._

_But he means nothing to you _

_and you don't know why."_

She finally opened her eyes, and was met with the understanding... and pain... in Damien's. He knew the song was about her. For her. For him. Them.

The lyrics, the melody, they spoke what she couldn't. They were about how she was feeling right now. They told her emotions. Damien was everything she wanted... and yet, she wasn't satisfied. She didn't know why she couldn't let go. As tears sparkled tracks down her cheeks, she didn't know why she couldn't go on.

_"You're waiting for someone_

_to put you together._

_You're waiting for someone to push you away._

_There's always another wound to discover..._

_There's always something more you'd wish he'd say..."_

_"He's everything you want,_

_He is everything you need,_

_He is everything inside of you_

_That you wish you could be..._

_He says all the right things_

_At exactly the right times..._

_But he means nothing to you _

_And you don't know why."_

Across town, Heero and Duo were curled up on the sofa. Clothes were scattered across the living room, the remains of dinner still on the dining room table. They lay wrapped in each other's arms, heedless of the chaos around them. Heedless of everything but the steady rise and fall of their partner's soft breathing. Heero slept on soundly, unaware of his sister's heartache and turmoil miles away. Unaware of anything except the soft dreams in his own mind, and the presence of his partner half beside and half over him.

_"But you'll just sit tight_

_And watch it unwind._

_It's only what you're asking for,_

_And you'll be just fine,_

_With all of your time._

_It's only what you're waiting for..."_

_"He's everything you want,_

_He is everything you need,_

_He is everything inside of you_

_That you wish you could be..._

_He says all the right things_

_At exactly the right times..._

_But he means nothing to you _

_And you don't know why."_

Just as far away, on their way outside of a posh apartment building, a blond laughed at his emerald eyed companion. It was just another day. That little wave of dizziness would not dampen it. That sudden fatigue could not shadow it. He was determined that nothing would ever, ever come between him and the life he wanted to live... with Trowa.

A blinding smile, faltering a bit.

A dash of vertigo. A small stumble.

He never knew he was falling. All he felt was someone... his lover... screaming his name. Warm arms wrapping around him, holding him tight. Cool concrete softly beneath his legs. How did he meet the ground? What... They were in public. So why was Trowa hugging him for dear life?

"Trowa..." he said, his voice thick, weak. Was that really what he sounded like? What was wrong? He tasted copper. Was he bleeding? Did he bite his lip? No... it was his nose. It had been ages since his last nosebleed. Oh, no.

Not now. Not now. Please... not now.

"Trowa..." he managed, even as his eyesight faded away, even as unconsciousness embraced him. "I don't feel so good."

_"Out of the island,_

_Into to highway..._

_Past the places where you might have turned..._

_You never did notice,_

_But you still hide away_

_The anger of angels who won't return...."_

Damien sighed, having to fight against his own tears. He knew just what she was saying, in her own way. He knew that, through her music, she was telling him that she would never be able to love him like he wanted. He knew that there was no way he could compete with her love for Quatre. He felt his heart cracking, little by little. But he wasn't too dense to know that Kaori's was already broken. Beyond his ability to even attempt to repair.

Maybe it never could be whole again.

As her playing dragged on, he managed to sing the last verse. Not as well as she, but his emotion was just as raw, his emotions just as evident as hers.

_"I am everything you want,_

_I am everything you need,_

_I am everything inside of you_

_That you wish you could be..._

_I say all the right things_

_At exactly the right times..._

_But I mean nothing to you_

_And I don't know why..._

_Why...._

_I don't know..."_

TBC....

__________________________________________________________________________________

AN: Song for this chapter was, of course, Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon. And yes, that song played on an actual piano is kinda odd, I know. It's pretty much nothing but drums in real life, but think about that beat played out on a piano, with the volume turned down a bit, and maybe a bit slower tempo. Yeah, that's how I imagined it.

And yeah... I did it again with the cliffy, didn't I? Betcha want to know what happens to Quatre, right? Of course you do. All I will say is that Thirteen is indeed an unlucky number. But unlucky for whom?

Umm... well.... pretty much everyone, I'd say. Opps. Sorry... can't give too much away, now can I? ^_^

Just one question... if Quat dies, should Trowa and Kaori get together? ^_^

Oh, and I've been looking back over everything, and I spotted a few inconsistancies. My fault, and I might go back and fix them, but in case you were wondering... here it is. Heero has been back from Iraq for FIVE years, not two. He was only there for two-three years, and he got an honorable discharge. We'll find out more about his past there in the sequel. And yes.... there's going to be a sequel. He was about twenty when he left, and yes, he did leave Kaori to pretty much fend for herself. It was Jay and Elizabeth who kinda looked after her during this time, though we'll learn more about that later. And I copied the lyrics to Say When by the Fray down wrong, so I changed them back to right way. Don't worry, it was just a few words, it didn't change the story.

Anyways, I just wanted to let you know.

PS: I love reveiws. Even if you're just yelling at me for the cliffhanger.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Unlucky number thirteen. Last chapter left you hanging, so I won't hold you up anymore. Go- read- and promise not to kill me when you finish. ^_^

Chapter Thirteen

_"As he begins to raise his voice,_

_You lower yours and give him one last choice."_

_**Friday night, 7pm**_

Damien blinked his eyes open at the sound of Beethoven's 5th. In the dark, he made out the twinkling light of Kaori's cellphone on the coffee table. He shifted easily, so as not to wake her and managed to grab the small Nokia. Kaori mumbled against his side.

They'd spent the last half hour just talking. The music had been the dam breaking in her, and they talked about anything and everything. She's tried her best to explain her feelings, and had eventually cried herself asleep next to him on the couch.

Trowa Barton, the name on the caller ID stated. Wasn't that her Quatre's doctor? Or boyfriend? Or something like that?

"Kaori," he nudged her awake.

"Hmm?" She blinked up at him, until he showed her the still singing phone. "Oh.."

She took the phone, sliding it open.

"Kinomoto," she answered. Damien turned on the couch side lamp just as her eyes narrowed. "Yes, yes. Wait, Trowa, slow down. What happened? When? Oh God! Don't move, I'll be there in ten minutes!"

She slammed the phone closed, lurching to her feet. Her eyes were wide and pained.

"Kaori, what happened?"

"Quatre.... he fainted. He's not waking up," She started to tremble, frozen in spot. "I....I don't know what to do," she whispered. "It's started."

"You're in no position to drive. Come on, I'll take you. You can call your brother on the way, and he can pick up your car when he comes."

She nodded numbly as Damien pulled her to the door. She had a.... numb look on her face. It was almost frightening, the look of someone who knows what awaits them. It remained on her face as he nearly pushed her in his Mazda, shoving the phone in her hands. It remained on her face as she calmly called her brother. From what Damien could hear, it was her brother's boyfriend who answered. After explaining it to him, she hung up. That look remained on her face until he pulled up to the front door of the medical center. Then she transformed.

Now that look he remembered. Determination and love. Her movements weren't as fluid as normal as she stormed through the doors without him. Damien shook his head and sighed as he went to park the car.

~~~~{*}~~~~

It took Heeroand Duo slightly longer to reach the hospital, with Duo dropping Heero off to pick up Kaori's car. Heero was upset, and in a hurry, but he remained much calmer than Kaori had. He fixed the seat, adjusted the mirrors, and quickly slid in one of his CD's that he kept in her case. And less than five minutes after arriving her apartment, he pulled out behind Duo onto the roadway. From there, they were at the hospital in a few minutes.

Duo's eyes lighted on Trowa, worn and pale, slumped in the waiting area of the hall. Heero didn't pause, but breezed straight past him, into the room. Duo slid into the chair beside his friend. Duo had been practically Trowa's first friend here when he'd started.

"How're you holding up?" He questioned softly, placing a hand on the taller man's shoulder.

Trowa's Emerald eyes were locked ahead, onto the door Heero'd disappeared into.

"They're like a whole family," he said, a bit absently. "Kaori, Quatre, Heero. Wufei is bringing Releena. They should be here soon."

"Trow... Don't evade the question."

"No, I'm not. It's just... I like that family. The image they present. No matter what secrets there are, no matter what... they're always there for each other."

"We're a part of that family, too, buddy," Duo put in. "Quatre's made you a part of it, just as much as Heero has me."

"We're different than them," Trowa said, still a sounding a little out of sorts.

"Of course. They're different from each other as well. Look at where they came from. Quatre and his neglectful, rich family. Heero and his single mom. Kaori and... her parents," his voice trembled. It was kind of hard to think about what had happened to that poor girl. "Releena's the mayor's adopted daughter, did you know that? Me, I'm an orphan, too. You and your mom, Catherine. Even Wufei's gotta past. And look at us all now. A violinist, a computer geek, a bartender slash nurse, a lawyer, a psychologist, a neurologist, and a oncologist. But we're still a family, Trowa."

A small smile flitted across Trowa's lips. "Yeah, I guess we are," he said as Releenashowed up, barging into the room just a shade more gracefully than the brother and sister had. With a sigh, Wufei dropped to the seat on the other side of Trowa.

"Are you alright, Barton?" He asked, his voice a bit concerned.

Trowa smiled. "I'll never be okay again," Trowa said sadly, despite the smile. "After Quatre... I'll never be the same again."

"We'll all be here for you," Wufei said, patting Trowa's shoulder. Suddenly, Trowa laughed. It was a wet sound, but it was happy.

"Huh? What's so funny?" Duo demanded, startled.

"You're right, Duo. I might have to loose, Quatre... but I'm gaining a whole family. Quatre's given me that. I'll never be 'okay' after him.... but that's alright, isn't it? Once you love someone, you're not supposed to forget, are you?"

Duo couldn't suppress the sob that came from him at his friend's grief, and his friend's acceptance that death was a part of life. He wrapped his arms around Trowa's shoulder.

"We'll get through this," Duo muttered into his friend's shoulder. "We'll all get through this together."

~~~~{*}~~~~

*Flashback*

ring, ring

Kaori picked up the phone. It wasn't her house. It was Quatre and Iria's. But she'd been answering the phone there for years now. She was as much a part of their family as they were.

"Winner Residence," she answered.

_"Quatre Winner please."_

"He's occupied at the moment." In the next room. "Can I take a message?"

_"This is Doctor Johnstone at Vanderbilt. I need to speak with him as soon as possible."_

"Doctor... This is Kaori." She knew the doctor well. She'd been there for every visit, every chemo. Every time.

_"Oh, Miss Lowe, it's a pleasure. And since it is you, I can leave this message, as you and his sister have his permission to discuss this case. I'm very happy to tell you that the latest tests came back negative."_

Kaori blinked, and Quatre appeared at the doorway. Her legs went wobbly, a hand shot out to steady herself against the kitchen counter.

_"It's still too early to tell, but from what I can tell, the treatment was effective. The cancer is gone."_

Kaori's legs finally gave way, and she sank to the floor, the phone dangling from limp fingers. Quatre rushed forward, worried. She turned shimmering eyes up to him.

"It's the doctor, Quat. He says it's gone. You're going... you're going to be fine."

*End Flashback*

Kaori blinked back tears as she looked up when she felt hands come to rest on her shoulders. Prussian eyes met with Emerald.

"This really is it, isn't it?" she whispered.

For the second time that week, Trowa's arms wound around her. She turned, and again buried her face in that strong chest, the tears coming. Heerohad left to go be with Duo, and Releena's work had interrupted, leaving Kaori alone there for a while. Now, she wasn't alone.

She'd remained silent the entire time, gazing at the peaceful face, the pale blond hair. He looked for all the world like he was sleeping. That's what a coma was, she thought. Sleeping. A sleep from which Quatre would more than likely never wake. The cancer had taken such a toll on his body that it could no longer support function. Instead, he was laying there, weak and asleep.

Dr. Cage slipped into the room when she knew that only Kaori and Dr. Barton were left. She wanted to speak with them.

"Ms. Kinomoto?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"We've already told Dr. Barton this... but the chances of Quatre waking up are... very slim."

Kaori nodded slowly. "What are the options?" She asked, more to Trowa than Dr. Cage.

"Wait and do nothing but make him as comfortable as possible," Trowa said softly.

"Terminating life support."

Kaori shook her head at Dr. Cages suggestion. "Not doing. Not while there is any other option."

Dr. Cage nodded, her gray eyes soft. "There's really nothing we can do now."

"What about that surgery," Kaori asked, looking up at Trowa. "The one that..."

Trowa shook his head. "Too late. The cancer's taken over too much of his heart to simply remove the affected area."

"Then get him a new one," she argued. "Find him another heart all together."

"Kaori," Trowa said, his hands on her shoulders. "It's not that easy. The list of people needing hearts is very, very long. There have been people on it for years. Quatre refused to place his name on that list."

"Trowa," she pleaded, tears in her eyes. "We can't give up. We have to save him. It can't end like this!"

"Meggie's right. There's nothing we can do for him now. Even if a heart did become available right here, right now, there's no chance it would work. There's a one in a million chance that it'd be a close enough match. And then, he might still reject it."

Karoi pulled back. "But what if it was a match?"

"It's a slim chance that it'd be close enough for him not to reject it."

"No... what if you knew beyond a doubt that it was a match and that there'd be no chance to reject it?"

"Kaori... that's wishful thinking... that's being way too optomisti.... No." His eyes narrowed as she tore away from him. He immidiately recalled who had been the blood donor for him. Who had been a two time marrow donor. "Kaori... no. Don't! Kaori!"

But she was gone. Dr. Cage blinked after her. "What was that?" She questioned.

"Kaori is a perfect match to him," Trowa shouted as he ran after her. "She's going to kill herself to save him!"

~~~~{*}~~~~

Trowa was too far back to catch her.

She fought back the tears as she leaned her head down on the wheel, turning the key in a reflexive motion. The stereo was still up loud from where Heerohad drove her car here, and the car vibrated with the noise from his favorite Linkin Park CD, but she made no move to turn it down. The drum beat echoed up through her as the lyrics beat out...

"_I close both locks below the window,_

_I close both blinds and turn away._

_Sometimes solutions aren't so simple,_

_Sometimes 'goodbye' is the only way..."_

_" And the sun, will set for you...._

_And the sun will set for you...._

_And the shadow of the day,_

_Will embrace the world in grey,_

_And the sun will set for you..."_

The tears found their way out, and Kaori jerked back, slamming her fist down on the dashboard. She threw the car in reverse and skidded shakily out of the parking spot. She would go home... she would go home, call Duo... Wufei... Trowa... someone... to come over. But... she wouldn't be alive when they got there. That was her plan. No one deserved to live more than Quatre. And she knew her blood type matched him. Asides from his father... she was the closest match he had. She knew from the countless times she'd helped him through the years, the numerous transfusions and donations she'd willingly made. Her heart was broken... but in Quatre, it could be whole again. Her heart already belonged to him.

She calmed herself down, dashed away her tears as the car found it's way out onto the darkened street, turning out of the parking garage. She had to get home... she had to write a letter. She had to find a way to explain it to Heero... to Quatre. Because Quatre would live. She would make sure of it. Her life was in shambles, no hope. Depressed, like always. Keeping Heero and Quatre alive were her only reasons for living anymore... but now... she could pass on that burden. Trowa would keep Quatre safe, and if she didn't know any better, she'd be willing to bet that Duo would never let Heero hurt himself again. Even her strong, independent lawyer friend had someone to look after her... someone for her to look after.

But... Damien... More tears fell at the thought of him. She might not be in love with him, but she still loved him. Who would take care of him? Who would heal his heart if she broke it? Damn this. She took a few shaky breaths, trying to calm herself as she slowed for the stop light that was just at the corner of the parking garage. It would take her fifteen or so minutes to get home. Fifteen minutes for her to think of an alternative to killing herself, fifteen minutes to find another way to save Quatre.

She stopped at the red light, waited for it to turn green before gassing the little Ford Escort.

Sometimes solutions _weren't_ that simple. But sometimes goodbye _was_ the only way.

And she had fifteen minutes to find another way.

If she had anything to say about it... the sun wouldn't be setting on Quatre any time soon.

~~~~{*}~~~~

Her mind was so caught up in her musings,thinking of an alternative to suicide- a way to save Quatre, that she never saw the eighteen wheeler plow through the red light. She heard the screech of brakes, the smell of burning rubber. But she didn't see it coming. She heard it, she smelt it, and she felt the crunching metal slam into her, slicing her skin open, tossing her around- her seat belt forgotten. She felt the glass slicing into her scalp as she tumbled headfirst through the broken windshield. She felt the asphalt come up to greet her. She felt the sickening cracking that was her ribs, her legs, her arms, her spine breaking, shattering into pieces as she skidded across the ground, bits and pieces of metal flying at her.

But she never saw it coming.

tbc....

~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~

AN: Song is Shadow of the Day, by Linkin Park. And oh... another cliffy! God, you're pro'lly hating me so much right now! Reveiws will be cherished forever and ever! And since I did leave you hanging (again), I guess I'll even accept the flames.


	14. Chapter 14

**Warnings: Angst, Saddness, DEATH!!!! You've been warned.**

**ANs: **_**//This//**_** means song lyrics. **_**This**_** means someone on the phone. **

**~~~~~{*}~~~~~**

**How To Save A Life**

**Chapter Fourteen**

_"Drive until you loose the road,_

_Or break with ones you've followed."_

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

_//Take a breath//_

_//I pull myself together...//_

_//Just another step 'til I reach the door...//_

_//You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you...//_

_//I wish I could tell you something...//_

_//To take it all away...//_

Standing outside of the parking garage, on the sidewalk, Trowa could only stare after her as the little car left. When it was caught by the red light, Trowa started an all-out run towards it, but he was still far away when the light changed, and the car sped forward... about ten feet.

What he saw next stopped him cold, green eyes wide in horror. A horn blared, brakes screeched, and tires squealed, but the eighteen wheeler couldn't stop. It was late night, and later, Trowa would figure that the driver must have fallen asleep at the wheel. But at that exact moment, the only thought running through the oncologist's mind was 'Kaori... Oh God, Kaori'.

When the screeching stopped, and an eerie, horrible silence fell across the world, Trowa was one of the first few on the scene, screaming as he danced through the debris, trying to find the girl who was like a sister to his lover. He searched the wrecked car, to little avail. Then, he saw her. A prone mass in the center of the intersection, silhouetted with the street lights.

A heart-wrentching scream tore it's way from his throat as he scrambled through twisted metal and broken glass to reach her side.

And he stopped abruptly when he arrived. For one detail stuck in his mind, burned there by the horror of the darkness.

She wasn't moving.

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

_//Sometimes I wish I could save you...//_

_//And there's so many things I that I want you to know...//_

_//I won't give up until it's over...//_

_//If it takes you forever, I want you to know...//_

Releena smiled softly as Wufei held the door open. It hadn't been that hard to find the file her assistant had needed.

"Back to the hospital?" Wufei questioned.

She shook her head. "No. I don't think I could handle it. I... Could you take me home, please?"

"Of course."

She slipped her hand into his when they got into the smart little car, then leaned across, resting her head against his shoulder for a moment.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

He nodded, but didn't say anything until the reached Releena's home. Releena opened the door, looking from Wufei back to her large, empty home.

"Stay?" She asked, her eyes bright and pleading. Wufei only took a moment to decide; Releena had stayed with him when he was hurting. He smiled lightly, kissing her sweetly.

"Of course."

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

_//When I hear your voice,//_

_//It's drowning in the whispers...//_

_//You're just skin and bones...//_

_//There's nothing left to take...//_

_//No matter what I do, I can't make you feel better//_

_//If only I could find the answer...//_

_//To help me understand...//_

Trowa remained by her side as the paramedics arrived on the scene, as they took her in the ambulance right around the block to the ER. She was still breathing, but barely. Dr. Cage met them at the entrance to the ER, as worried as he and demanded to know what had happened. Trowa mostly ignored her as he stood as close to the gurney as he could, leaning over, gently brushing the hair away from her face despite the chaos around them, the people rushing here and there.

And in all of this melee', he looked down when he felt fingers wrap around his arm, just above his wrist. Prussian blue eyes met his straight on, as clear as daybreak.

The strength of the arm that gripped his wrist surprised him. In theory, with all the broken bones, cut muscles, and nerve damage in her arm, she shouldn't have even been able to move her fingers.

"Trowa..." she croaked.

"Shh... just let them help you..."

"No," she pulled his hand closer, pulling his head down. Her movement was slow, weak, but clear.

"No," she repeated, her voice a hoarse whisper. Dr. Cage looked at the exchange with worried eyes.

"Kaori..."

"Quatre," she said, and paired with the look in her eyes... that was all Trowa needed to realize what she was thinking. That was all he needed to remember why he had been chasing after her in the first place. Her heart... she was Quatre's blood type... she could save him.

"Kaori... no... I can't..." He choked on the words. He couldn't. No, he could not be placed in this position.

"Quatre. I... refuse... treatment. My heart... belongs... to Qua..."

Her voice failed her even as her eyes slipped closed.

Trowa felt tears slipping down his face. He could save her. He knew it'd be hard, and she'd never be the same again... but she could live. But saving her would mean loosing Quatre. Saving Quatre would mean loosing her.

It was an unfair decision for him to make.

"Doctor...." Meggie Cage looked up, face emotionless, eyes masked. "It's your call," she said softly. "With the absence of her next of kin, her brother. And Quatre... that leaves you as the closest person to her. It's your decision."

"She refused treatment..." he made his voice cold, even as he pressed a soft kiss to the unconsious girl's bloody forehead. He had made his decision. Really, she'd made it and he just followed through with it. Now, all he had to do was tell her brother.

Dr. Cage nodded, knowing what would follow those three words, and immediately turned to a nurse.

"Prepare her for an immidiate heart transplant with the patient in room 501, Level 5."

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

_//...If you fall, stumble down,//_

_//I'll pick you up off the ground.//_

_//If you lose faith in you,//_

_//I'll give you strength to pull through//_

_//Tell me you won't give up 'cause I'll be waiting if you fall...//_

_//Oh, you know I'll be there for you...//_

Heero had fallen into a fitful sleep before they'd even reached Duo's home. It was pretty much where he lived now. He was rarely at his own apartment. And Duo doubted his lover would want to remain alone in the posh apartment he shared with his comatose friend.

The psychologist reached over, gently shook the ex-soldier awake.

"Hey, 'Ro... we're home. Come on, the bed's a lot more comfortable than the truck. Trust me on that one."

"Hmm, 'kay," was the sleepy murmur. Duo had to repress a small chuckle. He unbuckled himself, then Heero, who still hadn't moved. Once out and at the passenger side door, Duo opened it, and tried to pull his lover out. But to little avail. Heero might not have been the largest, or heaviest, person out there, but Duo was still slight and slender. There was no way he'd be able to pick his lover up, or drag him.

"'Heero, love, wake up. Bed. Come on," Duo sighed, then smirked. He leaned in, pressed a passionate kiss to slightly parted lips. "Wake up."

"Hmmm," Heero murmured, but this time he followed when Duo pulled away. Bingo, the psychologist thought.

But Heero paused, one foot out of the door, one hand reaching for Duo. He blinked, Prussian blue eyes shadowed, but awake.

"'Ro, what's wrong?"

Heero thought for a moment, now fully awake, then shrugged. "Guess it's just the night air. Got a shiver is all. Come on. There's a bed up there with my name on it."

Duo laughed. Heero'd come such a long way in such a few short weeks.

"Actually, 'Ro... the receipt for that bed has MY name on it!"

Not a half hour after they laid down, Duo's house phone started ringing. Heero starteled back awake, eyes wide. Duo grumbled and reached for the cordless setting on his bedside stand.

"Maxwell," he said, worried. This late at night, he knew there could only be one call he could receive.

_"Duo?"_

It was Trowa's voice. Thick and obviously choking back tears. Duo sighed, feeling his own tears start to form. Duo didn't really know Quatre that well, but Trowa was one of Duo's closet friends- and that made Quatre family in his book. Plus, Quatre was like Heero's brother. So... did that make Quatre even more like family. Duo cast a glance at his lover and Heero looked at him, knowing what was happening.

_"Duo... I need to talk to Heero."_

"Oh... um, alright."

Duo held the phone to his lover. "It's Trowa," he said, rather stating the obvious. "He want's to talk to you."

Heero nodded silently, then took the phone, steeling himself for the news of his roommate and best friend's death.

"Yes?"

_"Heero... I'm still at the hospital. Heero, I have to tell you... It's..."_

"Quatre. He... didn't make it, did he? He's dead?"

_"No, Heero. Oh, God. It's not Quatre. It's Kaori. She's... gone, Heero. I'm so sorry."_

"No." Duo winced away from the harsh, cold voice of his lover. The hate and anger in the tone. "Trowa, that is a very sick joke. It's not funny, and it's not the time for it."

_"It's not a joke Heero. I was there. I saw the truck hit her car. I held her hand in the ER. I was in the room with her when... oh, God,"_ the voice on the other end broke down, the emotion pouring out. _"I was there, Heero. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, she said... it's all my fault. But she said..."_

Finally, the truth hit him and the phone slipped away from Heero's limp fingers.

"'Ro?" Duo asked, scooting closer. "'Ro what is it? What did he say?" When his lover didn't answer, he retrieved the phone, but there was nothing but distant sobbing, as if Trowa had dropped the phone as well.

"Heero... tell me what's wrong? Is... is Quatre...?"

"No," Heero choked out, eyes staring blankly ahead. Duo had to reach out to steady him when he swayed. If he'd have been standing, he'd have fallen. As it was, Duo supported him as the strength left his body. And when Heero spoke, his voice was incredulous, soft and unbelieving.

"Quatre's not dead. Kaori is."

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

_//If only I could find the answer...//_

_//To take it all way...//_

_//Sometimes I wish I could save you..//_

_//And there's so many things I want you to know...//_

_//I won't give up until it's over...//_

_//If it takes you forever, I want you to know...//_

_//I wish I could save you.//_

Her heart was removed while she was still breathing. She still lived when she finally gave Quatre the only thing she could, the things that she could never seem to have for herself.

Time.

Love.

Hope.

...Life.

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

tbc...

**AN: Don't worry. It's not over yet. Not by a long shot. This was only fourteen out of at least twenty. And like I said before, please don't kill me. It was either Quatre or Kaori. Let me know if you agree or not.**

**Oh, and the song was Save You by Simple Plan. Listen to it while you read this chapter and it might just make you cry. At least, that's what Jeff says. And since I wrote it while listening to this song (and Meet You There, by Simple Plan also) I agree. I did cry.**


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Angst alert! Sadness ahead! And sorry for the lateness of the chapter. I've just been busy and I kept changing stuff around. I'm not really happy with this chapter. And we had a scare with Katie about that swine flu thing, but it was just a regular flu, and she's getting better now. Anyway, on with the story!

Chapter Fifteen

_"He will do one of two things:_

_He will admit to everything..."_

_//My insides all turn to ash, so slow//_

_//Under the waves, I collapsed, so cold//_

_//A black wind took them away from sight//_

_//And held the darkness over day, that night//_

The sun hadn't yet reached the horizon, hadn't yet brought daylight to the world when Damien's phone rang. He rolled over, blinking, trying to wake himself as he reached around on the bedside table for the phone. He snatched it up.

"H'lo?" he asked groggily. He glanced at his alarm. Way too early for calls.

"Damien O'Connel?"

"Yeah. Who wants to know?" He sort of recognized the voice on the other end. It was male, and sounded a bit thick, as if with emotion. It was slightly familiar, as if he'd heard it maybe only once.

"Damien, this Duo Maxwell. You might not remember me from yesterday, but I'm a friend of Kaori's."

Damien blinked, anger and annoyance flooding out of him. Of course. The braided man out in the hall. He'd been hugging Kaori's brother. If he was calling him... then, that only meant that Kaori's friend Quatre didn't make it.

"Oh, God. How's she handling it? Do I need to come get her? Damn, I should have never left. Does she need me..."

"Damien, quiet. Listen. I hate to bear bad news. God, this is so hard. But Kaori was leaving the hospital really, really late last night. The driver of an eighteen wheeler fell asleep at the wheel, and the truck ran a red light. It hit Kaori's car on the driver's side."

"Sweet Mother Mary," Damien gasped. He nearly dropped the phone, but held on. His body simply seemed to melt into the bed. "How... how is she?"

"Damien, she wasn't wearing her seat belt. The car flipped three times, and she was thrown through the windshield."

"But... What does that mean? How is she?"

"She's dead, Damien," the voice sobbed out, almost breaking. "She's dead."

"But... what... No. She can't be. I... She-"

"She's gone, Damien. But they were able to save her heart. They put it in Quatre."

"I... No. I'm sorry. Bye..." Damien hung up the phone, staring blankly at the wall. A mass of pain and confusion swirled all around him. But for some reason, a sick, twisted part of him reminded him that not really all that long ago- just a few hours in reality- she'd told him that her heart belonged to Quatre.

How sickly ironic that now it did. Literally.

_//And the clouds above moved closer//_

_//Looking so dissatisfied//_

_//But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing//_

"Cause of death was that her heart was removed, dumb-ass," Releena snapped. Wufei placed a hand on her arm.

"Can this wait until tomorrow, officers?" He asked, turning Releena away. "The entire family is in a state of shock right now, so maybe it's best to wait until they at least have some sleep."

The policeman's eyes narrowed. "We need statements from the family members and friends of the deceased for the manslaughter case, doctor," he said dumbly.

"Her name is KAORI!" Releena screamed. "And it's not manslaughter. She didn't die of car wreck. They took her fucking heart out is how she died! The most you can charge him with is assault."

"Officers, goodnight," Wufei said icily, turning Releena back into the house and closing the door in the face of the two very shocked policemen. They'd shown up almost as soon as he'd gotten Releena back to her house, leaving Kaori's grandfather to handle memorial arrangements and the arrangements for the cremation. And they had not relented in pursuing a statement for the prosecution of the man who'd been driving the truck that had struck Kaori's car.

"'Leena," he said quietly, his lips moving against her hair, "It'll be alright."

"It'll never be alright again," she sobbed, her tears finally breaking free. "I've known her since I met her and Heero at the DHR building. She was just a little kid. God, Wufei. Years. And now, it's all gone."

"DHR?" Wufei blinked. He'd known the relationships had gone back years, but what did Human Resourses have to do with it?"

Releena looked up at him with liquid blue eyes.

"You... you don't know, do you? Well of course you wouldn't," she was talking to herself. "No one ever told you, so how could you?"

"Releena," he said patiently, smoothing his hands down her back. "Calmly. Just breathe."

She did. In, then out. "I was adopted. I was there because a social worker was handling the first meeting between me and my biological brother. Kaori and Heero were there for Kaori to get medical treatment at the Health Department in the same building. Turns out they were there quite often."

"Why?"

"Her father raped her," Releena said quietly. "No one ever said anything, though. Odin Lowe was a policeman. He had a spot on the city council, he was an upstanding citizen. People overlooked his drinking addiction because he was such a good citizen, such an overly good person. No one would have believed a couple of kids screaming 'rape!' and 'abuse!'. Oh, God, Wufei. She had such a horrible childhood! And then Heero up and left her, and then Quatre..."

Her voice broke and she deteriorated into broken gasps and sobs as tears fell. Wufei stood, holding her close.

"But Quatre's alive," he told her. "And Heero came back and has Duo, now. She left this world in alot better condition that she found it. Hold onto that thought," he said. "Remember that much, Releena."

_//I used to be my own protection, but not now//_

_//Cause my path has lost direction, somehow//_

_//A black wind took you away, from sight//_

_//And held the darkness over day, that night//_

Duo returned from the kitchen with chamomile tea in each hand. It was almost twenty-four hours since the accident, and Heero hadn't said much of anything since. Duo'd asked politely if Releena and Jay would finish all the necessary things while he took Heero back home to sleep. It was going on forty eight hours Heero'd been awake, with barely thirty minutes sleep.

Releena hadn't been in much better shape than Heero, and Duo fully expected Wufei to cart her home again soon. But Jay was strong. Sure, everyone could tell he grieved for the girl, but no tears had been shed on his part, though.

Duo paused in the doorway, looking at his lover. Heero- hair mussed, eyes ringed with dark circles, and gold skin quite pale in shock and grief- sat on the couch, legs folded under him. On his lap was a photo album. Duo remembered Heero quietly asking him to stop at his and Quatre's apartment for a moment, and returning with the three thick black leather-bound books.

Duo softly settled in next to the ex-soldier, placing his own tea on the end table, and holding the other out to Heero as he pulled his lover close, maneuvering into a comfortable position so that he could see the pictures, too.

The album was open, and about five pictures were evident on the page. Duo'd already surmised that the albums were not in order in any way, but rather simply collaged together with bits and snippets from many years on single pages. The first picture Duo saw was sweet. The stark cleanliness of a hospital was evident, but it was the subjects that caught his attention. A small boy with dark brown hair. His hands cradling a tiny infant. The boy looked down, an expression of fear and wonder and joy and love and everything else written all over his face.

From memory, Duo guessed that this was the first time Heero's held Kaori, right after the girl had been born. Just like he could guess that the next picture must have been Kaori's prom or some such. She looked about sixteen or seventeen, and Quatre gazed at her with a look of love. The third was a bright desert. Heero and others dressed in military fatigues all posed around a loaded down Humvee. Set small against the rest was a picture of Kaori on stage, violin in hand, at what looked like a recital. And off in the bottom corner, Duo made out a picture of Heero side by side with Releena in the park.

All happy moments in time. Duo commented on it.

Silently, Heero closed the book, and gathered up another. Duo tried to hide his gasp at what this album contained.

A newspaper clipping about the death of the Lowe's. Hospital photos of Kaori, bruising along her cheek and jaw. Bruising down her arms, around her wrists. An article about the death of an unknown girl in a militant attack in Iraq. Pictures of a twisted car crash. Funeral pictures of Odin Lowe. Funeral pictures of a dark haired woman Duo assumed was Heero's mother. A picture of Heero in the hospital, broken and bloodied beside a simple picture of a parking garage. Another hospital picture of Heero, and a photo of various overturned prescription medicine bottles.

Duo swallowed, his hand in Heero's automatically brushing against the scar on his lover's wrist- the cuts leading almost from palm straight to elbow, almost right along the vein. Duo had to blink back tears, thinking how close Heero'd come to death with that last attempt. And a morbib part of him had to notice how smart Heero'd been, cutting along the vein instead of across it, like so many people are apt to do. He knew he had to thank Quatre for arriving only second after the fact. Heero should have bleed to death; Heero would have bleed to death if gone untreated for another single minute.

Duo pulled Heero up against him and rested his head upon the other's shoulder.

"Life's full of both, Heero," he said quietly. "Joy and pain. Ups and downs. Ces't la vie, as Mom says. That's life. That's the way things just have to be."

"Is that the psychologist talking?" Heero asked, a little harshly. Duo turned his head and brushed his lips across Heero's.

"No," he whispered, his cobalt eyes shimmering. "It's the person who loves you. It's the person who's already lost more than enough."

Heero looked at his lover. Sometimes he forgot what Duo'd told him about his past. It was easy when Duo always seemed cheerful. How could he stay so happy after all that life had given him?

"How can you always be so... normal?" Heero asked. "How can you go on? It's like there's a part of me missing and I'll never get it back. She's always been there. But now... what will I do?"

"Oh, Heero," Duo tried to hold back the tears as he clung to the grieving ex-soldier. "You'll never get it back. She's taken it with her, and you can't replace it. All you can do is remember that she's in a better place. She's sacrificed her life for someone she loved. From what I know of her, that's how she'd want to go. Her life had meaning. Remember the good times," he touched the first photo album. "And learn from the bad," he brushed a finger across the photo of Heero in the hospital. "You need to live for her. You need to remember her and keep her memory alive."

_//And the clouds moved closer//_

_//Looking so dissatisfied//_

_//And the ground below grew colder//_

_//As the put you down in side//_

_//But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing//_

Two days later, Trowa tossed and turned in his sleep. Cool air chilled the sheen of sweat on his skin, and his voice murmured pleas in his nightmare.

~*~

He'd made the choice to save one over the other, and now, looking down at the cold, hard earth, he had to face that he'd ended up letting them both die. Kaori. The one who'd loved the same man he did. The one who'd been to hell and back and had refused to give up. Quatre. The one he loved; the first one in so long that he'd allowed into his heart. The one who'd been able to accept his fate, accept the destiny forced upon him.

Cold, hard earth.

Cold wind.

Two cold stones, set side by side. He fell to his knees as the ran pelted down on his back, mixing with the tears upon his face. He cried his grief out to the howling wind as he stared at the granite stones, at the beloved names inscribed upon both of them. He sobbed as he faced the fact that he'd killed them both. Their blood was on his hands; it had been his decision.

A hand reached out to grasp at cold wet stone.

"Quatre," he sobbed. "Quatre, I'm so sorry!"

~*~

Trowa jerked awake at the beeping of a monitor. His breath came in sobs as he tried to shake the dream off. No. It hadn't happened that way. No... He looked at the pale figure before him on the hospital bed, still hooked into monitors and IV's and various instruments. Two days, and still no change. No change at all. As far as anyone could tell, the transplant had been a success. Quatre's body hadn't rejected the heart, and tests showed that his body was completely free of the cancer. But he still hadn't woken up.

That's why Trowa had that nigtmare. Maybe Quatre wouldn't ever wake up. Maybe he had killed them both. Maybe...

The monitor beeped again. Trowa spared it a glance. Heart rate climbing back up to a normal level. Breathing rate increasing. He sighed. He'd already had about three of these false alarms. Another few minutes, they'd fall again. Somewhere, a part of him thought, Quatre was fighting. His lover was fighting to wake up, but failing.

And then, a small moan caught his ears. A simple, slight sound. A bare whisper. Emerald eyes jerked upt to see Aquamarine blinking softly, then falling closed again.

"K...Ka...ori."

_//So now you're gone, and I was wrong..//_

_//I never knew what it was like to be alone...//_

The first word out of Quatre's mouth was 'Kaori'. The second was 'Trowa'. Trowa wasn't jealous. He couldn't be... even before. Kaori was Quatre's lifeline, and had been for years. Trowa just came along a little late. And that made this that much harder.

"Quat... Quat... I'm right here. Open your eyes for me."

Quatre obediently blinked his eyes open, squinting at the sudden influx of light. But they remained open this time.

"Ka..Kaori... were?"

Trowa frowned. He knew he'd have to deal with that, but he didn't know it'd be the first thing out of Quatre's mouth.

"She's not here, Quatre. You need to rest. I'll be here for you."

"No... Kaori... I wanna see 'er. She... I think I heard her... crying. I gotta see her. She needs to know-"

"Quat," Trowa frowned. "Kaori's not here. Just rest..."

"No!"

"Quatre... now don't be upset. Kaori's gone."

"Gone? Where to? When's she coming back?" Why would Kaori leave? his mind asked, a little selfishly. Kaori knew he'd need her here. She should have been here for him when he woke up. Wait... woke up? He remembered the end quite clearly. He should be dead. So why was he...

"No, Quatre. Kaori's gone. She's not gonna come back. There was an eighteen wheeler... it ran the red light. She was in very bad shape when she came here."

"Bad? Gone? But... you could've fixed her..." Quatre's eyes were blank, just like his voice. His mind still wasn't working right. He was still sleepy, a little muddled.

"I could have... " Trowa admitted truthfully, shamefully. "...but she refused treatment."

"But... why?"

"Quatre... don't you remember? You were in a coma. There was nothing we could do... And legally, she was still your proxy... Quatre.... she..."

Quatre's hand went to his heart, the wires and tubes moving with the shaky arm. Suddenly, he wasn't so sleepy. Suddenly, everything felt so... new. So... different.

"No..." Quatre breathed as he felt the beating of his own heart. It was the same, but different. It felt stronger, it didn't feel as weak. It didn't feel corrupted by the cancer. It didn't feel weak, it felt... healthy, new, vibrant- alive. It was different. It wasn't... it wasn't his... he shouldn't be alive... he... Kaori...

"No," he repeated. That couldn't be... this wasn't right... this was wrong... No!

His breath gasped in, he couldn't breath. All he could think was 'No, it can't be. Kaori can't be dead. I can't be alive.' Trowa made a calming noise, reached out. Quatre jerked his arm away, almost upsetting the IV stand.

He ignored the hurt written across Trowa's face. He could almost feel a wave of guilt roll off of his lover.

"Trowa... tell me. What happened? Why... why did...?" His breath was shallow, his voice weak.

"She was going to kill herself," Trowa said softly. "To save you. I ran after her, but I was too late. I saw it all happen. A semi truck ran the red light and hit her car on the drivers side. She was thrown from the car."

Quatre's breath came in in a quiet sob, but Trowa continued.

"I was the first doctor on the scene. I was there the entire time. She refused treatment, and said that her heart belonged to you. I had a choice to make, Quatre."

"Me or her?" The blond whispered it. His voice was shallow and cold.

"Yes. I made the choice Quatre. I was the one. Please, you've got to understand. It was her choice, too. Quatre, I..." He reached out for Quatre once more, and again his lover jerked away.

"How could you?" Quatre screamed. Trowa's sad green eyes met with cold, hard blue ones. Aquamarines shimmering with tears of sadness, anger, hatred. "How could you? You let her die? You could have saved her. I shouldn't be alive! Who do you think you are to decide who should live and die? How can you possibly sit there and... and..." His voice broke, his breath still coming in gasps.

"Quatre... I..."

"Get out," the violinist snarled. "Get out now! I don't want to see you. Murderer. You killed her! Get out, get away from me."

Trowa winced as each verbal blow landed, but he obeyed. Quatre was only giving voice to his own thoughts. But... given the chance... he knew he'd make the same choice all over again.

"I love you, Quatre. Remember that."

And then, he was gone.

tbc....

~~~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~~

AN: Eh. Sorry. I've already told alot of you that Quatre was going to be PO'd. I might haven't have told you how PO'd, though. And all I can say for the next chapter is... angst, angst, and more angst. Sadness galore. And the song for this chapter was Valentine's Day by Linkin Park. I'm still debating on the song for the next chapter. I want to use 'Wherever You Will Go' by the Calling, but I'm also leaning a little towards 'One Headlight' by the Wallflowers. Or maybe even 'Meet You There' by Simple Plan. What do you guys think?


	16. Chapter 16

AN: More Trowa and Duo talking. A nice look at Heero's emotions, as well. And I know that walking around so soon after open heart surgery is pretty much next to impossible, or at least improbable, but remember that this is slightly futuristic. Anyways, on with the show.

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

_**Chapter Sixteen**_

**"Or he'll say he's just not the same,**

**And you'll begin to wonder why you came."**

_"I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else  
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same  
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams  
I think her death it must be killin' me"_

Duo cut the truck off, mercifully ending the song. Heero'd taken to listening to sad and depressing songs lately and it was beginning to get to Duo. The past two days had been hell on everyone. And now, poor Heero had to sit through the wake that Jay insisted on holding.

"Why?" Heero'd protested. "I don't need some get-together for people to stand around talking about her."

"You don't," Jay'd said. "They do. This is for them, not you, son. So just sit tight and it'll be over before you know it."

So that's why they were here now. It was exactly four days since the accident, and here they were at Jay's quaint little house right outside of the town. Releena and Wufei had already arrived, as well as Quatre (with Dr. Cage's permission, and accompanied by a nurse- just in case). Trowa pulled in right behind them. Duo sent a wan smile to his friend, but the green eyed oncologist merely waved it away. It seemed that Trowa was depressed. He'd not only lost Kaori, but in a sense... he'd lost Quatre as well.

Damien was there, and Dorothy, and Lucrezia Noin, and almost too many people to count that had known Kaori. Duo was almost a little shocked to see how many lives the young woman had touched. There were people from where she worked, people from the university she went to, people from the symphony she used to play for, people from the hospital that she knew. She was so loved.

"I don't want to be here," Heero whispered to a stoic faced Jay when they entered the house.

"Me neither, boy," was the reply. "But here I am. For them. They might not have known her like we do, boy, but they loved her just the same. Let them have this. Stay a few minutes, then you can go, alright?"

Heero nodded with a sad resignation that followed him for the rest of the night. Duo stayed by his side as he dealt with the countless people leaving their condolences and sympathies. Finally, almost an hour later, Duo caught sight of Trowa, outside on the back deck, by himself.

"Hey, 'Ro... I need to talk to Trowa. Will you be okay for a few minutes?"

Heero nodded. "Sure. Trowa needs someone. Quatre is... very upset."

"And very obstinate." Duo muttered, kissing his lover for strength before leaving to go to Trowa.

Somewhere in the distance, inside the house, a radio was playing softly. If Duo concentrated hard enough, he could just manage to catch the tune, hear the words.

_//So you sailed away,//_

_//Into a grey sky morning...//_

_//Now I'm here to stay,//_

_//Love can be so boring...//_

_//Nothing's quite the same now,//_

_//I just say your name now...//_

Duo just barely managed to hear the soft sigh from Trowa, the name that fell from his friend's lips.

"You seem a little bit down," Duo said, pulling the glass doors closed behind him. The music still poured out from the house though, not muted.

"It's a memorial service for someone, Duo. Everyone's 'down'. Add to that I'm the one that killed her... yeah. I'd say my life's pretty much in the dumps right now."

"You didn't kill her, Trowa. She made a choice. And it seems to me, she made it a long time ago."

"Tell that to Quatre," Trowa replied, voice rough.

"I did," was Duo's soft response. "You love him, don't you?"

"I never thought I would," Trowa said truthfully. "Sure, I knew he would be special... different than the rest. I knew what I was getting into, but I never really thought I'd fall in love this hard."

"It kinda has a way of sneaking up on you, eh?" Duo asked, remembering how he'd been forced to admit his feelings for Heero.

"How can I... how can I go on?" Trowa asked the psychologist. "You're the therapist, Duo. Tell me. How am I supposed to go on like this? I still love him. I want him to be happy- I want him to live. But knowing he hates me... Duo, it's horrible."

_//But it's not so bad...//_

_//You're only the best I ever had...//_

_//You don't want me back...//_

_//You're only the best I ever had...//_

"Would you have changed anything?" Duo asked. "If you could go back, save Kaori, would you?"

Trowa blinked, thinking. "No," he said at last, voice quiet. "Kaori was vibrant and full of energy. If she'd survived... that would be gone. She'd have been only an echo of what she was. I don't think she'd have wanted that. And maybe it's selfish... but I wouldn't have wanted that. I wouldn't have been able to stand seeing her that way. And plus... Quatre..."

"Trowa... sometimes life seems to be a Catch 22. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Either choice you made... someone would have died. Either choice you made... someone would end up broken hearted. I can't agree or disagree with the choice. I wasn't faced with it. No one but you knows how that feels, Trowa."

"Fancy words," Trowa snipped. "But I didn't hear you tell me what to do. I didn't hear any suggestions in there."

"Then here's one," Duo said. "Talk to him. Give him time to accept it, then talk to him. Don't go in with self-righteous anger or any of that shit. Tell him why you did it. Like you just did with me. Talk to him, Trowa. Don't be afraid to let him in a little."

"That's hard to do," was the whispered response.

_//So you stole my world,//_

_//Now I'm just a phony...//_

_//Remembering the girl...//_

_//Leaves me down and lonely...//_

_//Send it in a letter...//_

_//Make yourself feel better...//_

Duo blinked this time. He and Trowa were not best friends, but they were very close. And as a therapist, Duo was able to pick up on things others would miss. He knew that Trowa'd had a rough childhood. His father had been a corupt policeman in the big city, and after his father's death, his mother hadn't been very talkative or open. From what Duo knew, Leia Barton'd almost neglected her son in pursuit of loosing her troubles in alcohol, drugs, and sex. She'd somehow managed to maintain a part-time job as a nurse, but most of the time her son had been left to his own devices, looked after by his older sister. And then Catherine had died, and Trowa had been left completely alone.

Then some accident had landed Leia pregnant, doped up and without a clue as to what was going on in the world. It had been her son, working his way through med school with full scholarships, that had picked her up and set her back on her feet. It had been Trowa's doing that had granted Marimaia a decent mother.

Yeah. Trowa'd had it bad. Reluctance to talk, to open up, was expected.

"Trowa, I'm gonna tell you what my Ma told me not too long ago, when I was still coming to terms with what was happening to me and Heero. Falling in love is easy. Any fool, hypocrite, vagabond, whore, druggie, mugger, thief, politician, heretic, atheist... anyone can fall in love. But staying in love? Sticking through it, making it work, fighting for it, finding ways through the bad patches and to the sunnier days... Staying in love takes courage and strength. Staying in love is the true test of our character, of our very beings. Love is worth fighting for, but weather you realize that or not is the test. As is what you're going to do about it. Well, Trowa. What will you do about it? Are you going to fight to stay in love... or are you going to take the easy path?"

_//But it's not so bad...//_

_//You're only the best I ever had...//_

_//You don't want me back...//_

_//You're only the best I ever had.//_

Duo looked around the room when he left Trowa standing there on the deck, leaning against the rails. Heero was... not there.

Duo searched through the crowd, then peered out the door. His truck was missing. In a slight panic, Duo looked until he found Quatre, with Becky the nurse not far away.

"Did you see Heero leave?"

"No." Aqua eyes looked a little worried.

"My truck's gone, and Heero's gone. I don't like this."

Quatre looked around the room, all the people there. Trowa walked back in.

"What's wrong, Duo? You look a little scared."

"Heero's missing," Duo said.

"I think I might know where he's at," Quatre said quietly.

"Where?"

"You know Fifth Street?"

Duo nodded.

"Try the cemetery there. I think... I think I understand him."

"He has my truck. I can call my mom, but it'd take her a while to get here. And I..."

"Here," Trowa held out his keys. "Take the Rover," he said. "I trust you, Duo. And I can get Jay to give me ride to the cemetery later. Just leave it there."

Indigo eyes sparkled. "Thank you," he said softly. He gave Trowa a quick hug before taking the keys and rushing out the door.

"That was nice," Quatre commented, not looking at Trowa.

"He's my friend," Trowa pointed out. "He'd do the same for me."

Quatre nodded. "It seems so. Heero could have done worse than him."

"But it's hard to get any better than him," Trowa agreed.

"I like him."

"Quatre... do you think there's any chance left? For us?"

Tear filled aquamarine lifted to emerald. "I don't know, Trowa. I just need time."

"When you do know, let me know, alright? I'd like a chance to explain. I miss you, Quatre."

"I..." Quatre swallowed. "I miss you, too."

_//And it may take some time...//_

_//To patch me up inside...//_

_//But I can't take it...//_

_//So I run away and hide...//_

_//And I may find in time...//_

_//That you were always right...//_

_//You're always right...//_

Twilight must be their time, Duo mused as he parked the Land Rover. The sun was nearing the horizon when he pulled up at Fifth Street Cemetary. He pulled in beside his own black truck and turned off the vehicle. He tucked the keys behind the driver side front tire, hidden from view, just like Trowa'd shown him years ago, before he made his way into the cemetery. It took a moment or two of aimless roaming before he spotted the lone figure in the fading sunlight.

With a sigh, Duo started up the hill towards the two secluded graves. Heero was staring at the granite headstone with a hard, unreadable gaze.

Duo started to speak, but paused for a moment, taking in the scene. And more importantly, reading the headstone.

**Odin T. Lowe**

**Loving Father and Beloved Husband**

**1960-2002**

"The first thing I really remember him telling me," Heero said quietly, sensing Duo behind him, "Was to live by your emotions. I looked up to him. I mean, my mother saw something in him. Something good. She wasn't in love, but she did care about him. I thought that was good enough for me. He was my father, he was a policeman. I practically idolized him when I was a child."

Duo took a step forward, placed a hand on Heero's shoulder for comfort, for support.

"And then Mother died, and I went to live with him and... that all changed. I seen him drunk for the first time. I seen him mean and angry and cruel. And I heard him... I heard him hurting her. I ran to Setsu, I told her what I heard. She just got a haunted look on her face and told me not to worry, that it was nothing for me to bother with. God, Duo. I hate her almost as much as I hate him. How could she just stand by like that? I couldn't.

"And what's worst about it all is that no one believed us. When we told anyone, they thought we were being cruel and childish. 'How could we say that about our own father?' People are so, so stupid. No one believed us. It finally got to the point where, after they died, we just tried to pretend it didn't all happen. It didn't really work. Live by your emotions. It's the best, worst, and only advice he ever gave me. How are you supposed to live by your emotions when your emotions tell you different things?" Heero closed his eyes in frustration. Why the hell had he even come here? It wasn't like Odin would care that his daughter was dead. It wasn't like staring at a lie carved in stone was going to make his world right again. It would not brink Kaori back. Because in the end, there was still just him, and a lie carved in stone up here on this hill.

_//So you sailed away,//_

_//Into a grey sky morning...//_

_//Now I'm here to stay,//_

_//Love can be so boring...//_

"What things?" Duo asked softly. Heero's eyes blinked open, staring at the stone again. He wasn't alone. He was here to stay... but he wasn't alone. He had Duo.

"Part of me wants to die," he admitted truthfully. "Part of me knows that life can never be the same without her in it, never be as good again. And a part of me knows that Kaori wanted me to live. She'd always wanted me to live and be happy. And a part of me knows that with you, I'm happy. Is that completely horrible, Duo? That she's dead, but there's a small part of me that's not broken? A part of me that still feels 'okay?"

"Oh, Heero," Duo sobs, wrapping his arms around Heero from behind. Heero's world had shattered around him, and Duo didn't know how long it would take to fix. If it was even repairable. "I can't answer that question. It's up to you. All I know is that there's a part of me that's not broken either. It's the part with you in it. You're holding it together. This isn't the kind of thing you can reason out overnight. It takes time. And we'll face that time together, right?"

Heero turned, burying his face in Duo's shoulder, hugging him tight.

"Together."

Time didn't seem quite so bad when he had Duo holding him. Everything didn't seem quite so bad with him. Heero wasn't sure yet if that was good or not, but for the moment, he needed to drown in Duo. To help begin to rebuild the shattered remnants of his world.

_//What was it you wanted?//_

_//Could it be I'm haunted?//_

Later that night, Releena sat alone in her home office, turning the beige envelope over and over in her hands. Truth be told, she'd forgotten about it not long after Kaori had done it, about two years ago.

But now, it was back to haunt her. And she didn't know if she had the courage to face what was in it. She didn't know if she had it in her to do what Kaori had trusted her to do. She swallowed back the tears that wanted to come up, and set the envelope down.

Few things she could think of could be worse than having to enforce your best friends last will.

TBC....

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

AN: Song snippet at the very beginning was One Headlight by the Wallflowers. The song at the memorial was Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning) by Vertical Horizon.

Not my most favorite chapter, but it's how the story asked to be written. Please review and let me know how you liked it.


	17. Chapter 17

AN: For the best cases, it is usually seven to ten days in a hospital after open-heart surgery- as is my experience with no less than two double bypasses done in my family. And it's weeks and weeks afterwards that movement and lifestyle are severely limited. But again, this is slightly futuristic. We're assuming that they've cut the hospital stay down to two-three days with slightly more restrictions once a person is released. It's pretty if-y and very optimistic, but it's my story, and that's what worked.

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

**Chapter Seventeen**

_**"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend**_

_**Somewhere along in the bitterness"**_

_//Where has that old friend gone,//_

_//Lost in a February Song...//_

_//Tell him it won't be long....//_

_//'Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes.//_

Quatre considered it an injustice that the sun was shining brightly without a cloud in the sky. His mood was somber and depressed, and yet the world still went around. It simply wasn't fair. His heart was whole for the first time, and yet it still felt broken.

Sandrock Park was quite literally packed. Never had Quatre seen so many people in the small community park. It was surprising exactly how many people knew Kaori; and it was surprising just exactly how many people could crowd in around the fountain. That fountain held memories for him. That fountain was where he met Kaori for the very first time. That fountain was where he'd kissed her for the very first time. That fountain was one of his and Kaori's special places. It did seem fitting that that's where her memorial was held. Quatre fought back the tears. He would not cry.

_//Where is that simple day?//_

_//Before colors broke into shades?//_

_//And how did I ever fade...//_

_//Into this life, into this life?//_

Iria pressed up against his side, staying close enough to help him if he needed it. Dr. Cage had strongly objected to him being out and about so soon, but Quatre would not have missed this for anything. Zechs stood behind Iria, watching them both. Iria had been staying with Quatre at the now pretty empty apartment that Heero hadn't slept in in some time now. Kaori's boyfriend was somewhere, lost in the crowd, along with Releena and Wufei and Lucrezia Noin, Dorothy Catalonia and other people he slightly knew. And Trowa as well. Dressing in black pants and a dark green shirt, he stayed well out of the way, but close enough to see everything in detail. Quatre focused on the old man in front of him in an effort to forget about his lover- former lover.

_//And I never want to let you down,//_

_//Forgive me if I slip away...//_

_//When all that I've known is lost and found...//_

_//I promise you, I'll come back to you one day.//_

Jay was designated to deliver the eulogy, as Quatre nor Heero could bring themselves to speak. It was spoken with quiet grace and simplicity and Quatre thought that it was befitting of Kaori. It wasn't hard for him to make it through the actual eulogy. It wasn't until the end that it all actually hit him. Jay handed the small silver urn to Heero.

That silver urn was Kaori, Quatre knew. It seemed that Duo had to literally, physically support Heero as he sagged under the slight weight of the urn. It was horrible to see the strong man so emotionally weak. But at least he had Duo there to lean on. Duo was helping him through this time. Heero would make it. He would survive. But Quatre had to question weather he himself would or not. Who did he have to lean on?

_//Morning is waking up...//_

_//And sometimes it's more than just enough...//_

_//When all you need to love,//_

_//Is in front of your eyes...//_

_//It's in front of your eyes.//_

Trowa would be glad to help, a part of him whispered. And he knew that part was right. He missed his once lover, his friend. It would be easier to face the time ahead of him with Trowa at his side, but it wasn't going to happen. Quatre knew that there were things inside of himself he needed to understand first. He knew he wasn't quite ready to give himself over completely to the brunette. He couldn't. Not until he could accept what had happened and accept himself.

The anger and momentary hate had long since bleed away, leaving simply an aching wound. Quatre wanted to blame Trowa, blame himself, blame somebody. But it all came back to choices.

It all came back down to Kaori's choice.

Heero stared at the silver urn for a moment. For two. Sapphire eyes shimmered with unshed tears, but Heero pushed them back. And he turned around, placing the urn in Quatre's confused arms. Duo had to blink. That was... surprising. Quatre's hands shook as he gripped the cool silver and looked up into Heero's eyes.

_//And I never want to let you down...//_

_//Forgive me if I slip away...//_

_//Sometimes it's hard to find the ground,//_

_//Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away...//_

_//From this crazy world.//_

Some kind of silent communication took place between the two before Heero, to the shock of Quatre and just about everyone else, wrapped his arms around Quatre in a hug.

"She's not dead," Heero whispered into Quatre's ear. "I know that now. She lives on in you. Her heart always belonged to you."

Quatre couldn't fight back the tears as Heero let him go. They fell down as Heero and Duo helped him to step onto the fountain wall.

They fell down as he let the wind carry away the ashes of his best friend, mixing in with the rainbow spray that filled the air around the fountain.

They fell down, like diamonds trailing his face, falling to the ground.

_//And I never want to let you down,//_

_//Forgive me if I slip away...//_

_//When all that I've known is lost and found...//_

_//I promise you, I'll come back to you one day.//_

Releena stopped them on their way back to the cars. She held an envelope in her hands, looking torn between tears trying to be strong.

"I... Kaori filed this with me a few years back," she managed to get out. Wufei, ever present by her side, rubbed her shoulders in a comforting gesture. "I... I think you should come to my office and read it."

No one said anything, but they each nodded. It didn't take twenty minutes for Quatre and Duo and Heero to arrive at the ADA's office in town. No words were spoken, Releena merely handed a copy of the will to both Quatre and Heero and waited as the two read it.

_"For Heero and Quatre:_

_"Grandma Eliza's stroke has made me realize a few things lately. I guess it's time to take into consideration the future. So, I'm going to do the 'grown-up' thing and write out this will. God, I hope it doesn't have to be used any time soon, but I want it to be here just in case. Quatre, you've taught me not to take anything for granted. And so, I'd just like to say a few things here._

_"Firstly, Quatre, I want you to know that there is a box under my bed. It and the contents belong to you. Don't hate me because of what you read in there, but please, just understand. And I also want all of my music stuff to go to you, too, Quat. I know you'll cherish it and use it the way it was meant to be used._

_"Next, I want to make sure than everything else goes to Heero. There's not much, granted, but it all belongs to you, brother. Including the jewelry inside the safety deposit box at the bank. It's Mother and Father's wedding rings. I know, I know. You wanted me to get rid of them, but I couldn't. Do what you will with them. _

_"Just know that whatever happens, I love you both. I always have. Heero, you're my protector- and no, don't start thinking you've failed at that. No matter how I go, it will not be your fault. Never. You've always been there for me, and I'd probably not have lived long enough to write this if not for you. Just... don't do anything rash, okay? Missing me is fine. You're strong and you'll carry on. I want you to._

_"And Quatre. Beloved. I love you more than you can ever know. I know that the love you have for me isn't the same, and I've tried convincing myself that I love you like a brother. But I don't. I can't. I love you with all my soul, and I can only hope that you find someone for you to love as much as I loved you. I hope they're worthy of you. And don't blame yourself. Or anyone else. I know you're penchant for guilt and blame, Quat. Whatever happens, however I die... don't be angry. I don't mind dying. It's the living that's so hard._

_"All of my love to you both,_

_"Kaori"_

The letter was signed and dated, and Releena had been witness. The ADA had taken care of everything.

"That letter is her legal will," Releena said. "I..." she swallowed. "I had an assistant draw up paperwork and work out the total amounts. After the funeral costs, hospital bills, and outstanding debt, and with the small insurance policy she'd gotten through the school, the liquid assets," Releena had to take a breath. It was killing her inside to keep such calm composure, to keep her voice from breaking. "... the liquid assets total just over twenty thousand seven hundred."

Heero's eyes jerked up. That was higher than he'd expected. With Kaori simply working at the bar, and her school costs... he'd expected next to nothing.

"Apparently she'd been squirreling away money in a savings account, accounting for a little less than eight thousand. And she had a little stock in several big name companies, accounting for the rest. Her retirement account had hardly anything in it, and this isn't counting the value of possesions. Her keyboard, recording equipment, violin and all that... I can't even estimate the value of it all. Not to mention Eliza's piano. Kaori had more than she was willing to let everyone know."

"Her car's not worth much, only around four or five grand," Releena continued. "But her laptop was state of the art and brand new..."

"I don't care," Heero said. "I can't put numbers on my sister's life. I... I can get everything later. I can't do this right now." He stood up, Duo by his side. "Take whatever you want, Quatre," he said. "Not just the books."

"Books?"

"In the box. I know what she's talking about. Those are her diaries she's given to you."

Quatre nodded mutely and he, too, stood. Iria, waiting back by the door, lept forward in her 'over-protective-sister' mode.

"Ready to go home?" She asked.

He shook his head.

"I want to go to Kaori's."

"Are you sure that's wise?" she asked. Really, she was over-protective.

Quatre shook his head.

"It's probably not, but I'm going to do it anyway."

_//Where has that old friend gone,//_

_//Lost in a February Song...//_

_//Tell him it won't be long....//_

_//'Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes.//_

**Meanwhile...**

"You're not looking well," Leia Barton commented as she looked at her son. His skin was paler than usual; his eyes had lost some of their luster; she couldn't be sure, but it looked as if he'd even lost a little weight.

"I'm not feeling well," he admitted.

"You can't keep tearing yourself up over this, Trowa. This isn't healthy. You know better."

He sighed. "I can. It isn't. And I do. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters without him, Mother. It's like he became the center of my universe, and now he's gone and I'm orbiting a black hole."

"I know how that feels. I've been there. But you told me yourself that he said he just needed time. Patience is a virtue."

"One I lack, as you've pointed out to me before."

"You've never had the motivation to be patient before. Maybe this is a test. Maybe this is to help you build patience. Isn't he worth waiting for?"

"Of course he is. I love him."

Leia smiled. "You don't know how glad I am that you can say that, Trowa. Love is fair wondrous. I've been proud of you for a long, long time. So strong, and smart. And so giving, too. You have a good job, and good friends. But you never had love. I'm happy for you. Wait for him. Love's worth changing yourself, at least a little."

"He's never asked me to change," Trowa said, eyes downcast.

"If he had, it wouldn't have been love," Leia replied. "Love means accepting someone as they are. Love means wanting to change to be better for the one you love."

"Does it have to be so complicated? Can't it be simple?"

"Darling, Love is the simplest thing on earth. We only make it complicated."

"When did you get so... wise?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow. For as long as he could remember, he'd been the voice of reason in the family.

The smile she sent him was soft and sad and happy and all mixture of things. "I don't know much, Trowa. I barely passed high school, it took me twice to pass my RN exam, I never really had any other job. I'm not the best person in the world. But the time I spent with your father... I'd like to think I learned a thing or two about love from him."

Trowa looked up into emerald eyes that matched his own

"You know... Duo said almost the same things. That falling in love is easy, but sticking with it was the hard part."

"Your friend is wise," Leia nodded. "So... are you going to do the hard thing?"

Trowa sighed, torn. But all he had to do was close his eyes to remember Quatre's smiling face. And that promise he'd made to himself to do everything he could to keep that smile there.

"I am," he whispered. "I am."

**Two hours later....**

"Damien!"

The red-head looked up as his name was called. Lu was running towards him. The sun was slowly starting to sink, but the solemn air of the funeral still hung around him. He didn't think it'd ever go away.

"Damien... what? Where are you going?" Lu's dark eyes were worried.

"Nowhere," he shrugged. "Somewhere. I don't know. I might swing up to Missouri to see my parents. I just... have to get away from here for a while."

"Damien..." Lu reached out, grabbed his arm as he went to swing into his Explorer. "What about the band... school... you can't just leave."

"I'm sorry about the band. Ask Christina, from Professor Sumeragi's class. She's small, but she's good and she deserves the chance."

"Fine, but... Damien. What about all of your friends?"

"Lu," he placed a hand over hers, where it still rested on his arm. "Lu, I'll miss you. And maybe one day I'll be back. But right now... I just can't stay."

Her eyes glittered, but she nodded.

"I understand. Should... Should I tell Heero and the others?"

He shrugged at her. "I don't care. He can't stop me. He wouldn't try. He understands. Lu... I've been her friend for years. I've been in love with her for years. And I finally, finally get the chance to try to make a relationship work between us. But then it all falls apart. She was in love with someone else. And then..." he let the sentence hang, but Lu nodded again, tucking a short strand of dark hair behind her ear.

"Be sure to call, okay?" she asked.

Damien didn't answer, simply dipped his head and got in the Ford, pulling the door closed.

"I'll miss you," she said, reaching through the open window to touch his shoulder. "Take care, Damien."

He smiled weakly, sadly, as he cranked the Explorer and shifted gears. "See you later, Lu," was all he said as he pulled away.

From Main Street, to the Highway, and on to the interstate, Damien kept driving, with the windows down and the radio up. He was trying to forget, or at least learn to accept. And he had no idea where to start. But like he'd told Lu... Missouri sounded like a good place to start.

He changed lanes and turned the radio up just a little louder. He would keep it up until he reached wherever it was he was heading.

_"In a world consumed by madness...._

_"A world where I can barely breathe...."_

_"Forsaken beauty lies again..._

_"These empty arms embrace what's come undone..._

_"A life together torn apart by halos of the sun..."_

_"The loss becomes the lover..._

_"The emptiness becomes my everything..._

_"I taste her in the air._

_"I feel her everywhere._

_"I don't know how I'll ever feel sane again..."_

_"A world consumed by madness..._

_"A world where no one hears your screams..."_

_"Forsaken beauty lies again..._

_"These empty arms embrace what's come undone..._

_"A life together torn apart by halos of the sun..."_

_"Forsaken beauty lies again..."_

TBC....

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

AN: Finally. Whew, that took a while. Sorry for the wait. Song at the beginning was February Song by Josh Groban. And the song from the end was started right after the first verse of 'Halos of the Sun' by Fuel. Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long, but with the children getting out of school this past week, it's been a zoo around here.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

And I would have stayed up with you all night,

Had I known how to save a life."

~~~{*}~~~

Quatre made Iria and Zechs wait outside. This was something he had to do by himself. Something he _wanted _to do.

The apartment was empty, but almost like nothing had ever happened. There were still dishes in the sink, still a half-eaten cake on the counter. Her clothes were still in the hamper, her bed un-made, sheet music scattered across the piano, even the TV was still on though the screen was unmoving. Heaven above, this was painful. He could almost believe she was just gone for the day. Work, or school.

Almost. Because he could still feel his heartbeat. Her heartbeat.

Under the bed, she had said. Books, Heero had said. Bracing himself against the bed, he leaned down. It was right there, right under the edge of the bed. He pulled, sliding it across the hardwood floor. A rather large box, square and more wide than tall.

He pulled the top flaps back and looked in. Sure enough, the box was full of books. At least fifteen thick volumes. It was too heavy for him to try to lift in his state, so he sat on the bed, and leaned down to sort through the books. He picked up the first, a journal with a blue binding. The first page was almost blank, with only one line of Kaori's scrawling elegant script.

_"Kaori Elizabeth Lowe, Age 13"_

Quatre felt tears building, but pushed them back as he flipped to a random page and began to read.

_"September 7th,_

_It's started to rain, tonight. But I'm so happy right now. I made first violin for the youth orchestra, remember, and today I met the 'mentor' they set me up with. A glorified tutor. A glossed-over music teacher, I thought. Oh, but glory was I wrong._

_His name's Quatre Winner. He's a couple of years older than me, but almost as short! And he's so cute, too. Kind of that sweet, poetic angelic cherub look. So cute! Kawaii! And he's so good, too! Lord, when he plays it's like magic. He gets so lost in the music. It's so easy to see that he loves music with a passion. It's so.... wait.... someones coming..."_

There were a few wild inky smudges across the page, as it it had been slammed closed upon an ink pen, but then the writing continued, if in a bit more unsteady hand.

_"It was Father. He tried... he tried to...." something had been wrote down, but then scratched out so vehemently the paper was torn. "Heero was here. God, I love him so much. If not for him, I don't know what I'd do. I don't know what I'd be. A shriveled mass of a human shell with nothing inside. God, this life is so horrible. One little bright spot, but then the clouds come back over...."_

Quatre slammed the book closed, dropped it like there was a snake between the pages. After a few shaky breaths, he moved, picked up a purple journal. The first page proclaimed it as her eighteenth year. He flipped to some random entry.

_"December 23rd,_

_It's been so long. He's not back. There's a little empty part of me, lost and alone when he's not here. Quatre tries his best. And for him, I put on a smile, a brave face. Because as bad as my life seems, he needs to see a brave face. He needs me to be strong for him, to help him through the trials. So I put on a smile. But it's only on the surface. On the inside, I'm a quivering, empty thing. Every night, I retrace the cuts. One for each time he.... Father.... touched me. Each night, I open them back up, slice the barely healed scratches until the blood flows freely again...."_

Quatre tossed this one away too, dashing tears from his eyes. He sank down on the bed, and unable to stop, he opened another. Age 16.

_"February 22nd, _

_.........._

_February 23rd,_

_.........._

_February 24th,"_

Quatre flipped. Page after page was blank. Finally, he came across the first new entry.

_"March 5th,_

_Quatre is sick. They... they say he's got cancer. February 21st it happened. I was just playing with him in the park... it was so warm and nice... especially for so early in the year.... I'd been playing fiddle, showing Quatre the notes to 'Foggy Mountain Breakdown'. He was complimenting me on how I could play so fast, so I started over again. And.... he just fell down. Feinted right away. He was right beside me. He went down so fast, I don't know how I did, but I managed to drop the fiddle and grab him. I couldn't hold him up, but I dropped with him, kept him from hitting the ground. I panicked, screaming for someone to help._

_The doctors kept him for all night that night. And the next day. Iria, his sister, was there, and her boyfriend, Zechs- 'Leena's brother. We waited and waited. I didn't even go to school that last week. Tests were already done... I didn't miss anything. Heero wanted to scold me for skipping.... but he knows how much I love Quatre. I didn't leave the hospital at all. I ate, slept, ate, slept. All in the hospital. I think I went three days without showering or changing clothes. But finally, the doctors came. They said he had leukemia. A rare kind. Cancer in the heart. He's going to have to go to chemo and radiation. And his father didn't even come to the hospital._

_At least Father came when I was sick. I hated that man... and he was apoor excuse for a father.... but at least he came whenever I was sick. He might not have cared for all the right reasons, or as much as he should have.... but at least he cared...."_

Quatre set the book down as the tears came in a flood. Only Kaori could worry about someone else not having a father when her own was a sadistic, sick and twisted rapist. Much later, he brushed the tears away and looked around the small little apartment, the small bedroom area of the studio. A small glint on the bedside table caught his attention- a DVD case. He blinked to the TV. It was on, he remembered, and it was turned to the Extras menu of the DVD in the player. It had probably been on for over a week now. Since....

He pushed play absently on the remote. The screen changed, but there was a ghost image over the screen. It had remained too still for too long. The TV was more than likely ruined, but the sound still came through. It was a music video, Quatre discovered.

_"I dreamed I was missing,_

_And you were so scared,_

_But no one would listen,_

_'Cause no one else cared,_

_After my dreaming,_

_I woke with this fear,_

_what am I leaving_

_when I'm done here?_

_So if you're asking me, I want you to know..."_

Quatre picked up the DVD case, perused it. It was Twilight, one of Kaori's favorite movies. And it had to be Linkin Park's Leave Out All The Rest, according to the case.

_"When my time comes,_

_Forget the wrong that I've done,_

_Help me leave behind some_

_reasons to be missed..._

_Don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty,_

_keep me in your memory,_

_Leave out all the rest..._

_Leave out all the rest..."_

Quatre wiped even more tears away. He'd have to remember this song. The message that she was leaving for him. He'd have to remember her....

_"Don't be afraid,_

_I've taken my beating,_

_I've shared what I've made_

_I'm strong on the surface,_

_Not all the way through,_

_I've never been perfect,_

_But neither have you..._

_So if you're asking me I want you to know...."_

_"When my time comes,_

_Forget the wrong that I've done,_

_Help me leave behind some_

_reasons to be missed..._

_Don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty,_

_keep me in your memory,_

_Leave out all the rest..._

_Leave out all the rest..."_

_"Forgetting, all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well..._

_Pretending, someone else can come and save me from my self..._

_I can't be who you are...."_

Quatre turned the TV off, mercifully cutting the haunting melody off. He repacked the books, closing the lid of the boxes.

Maybe... maybe somethings were best not dealt with too soon. Maybe some doors needed to remain closed....

For a while at least.

He slowly repacked the diaries into their box, tucking the flaps closed again. Standing, he took a look all the way around the loft. It had Kaori written all over it, but suddenly, that didn't seem so bad. Suddenly, he could see the truth behind it all.

Oh, that wasn't to say he was completely better, completely forgiving and understanding. No, far from it. But as his mind assimilated the data from the books, an the message in the song, he finally felt that maybe he could begin the healing process.

And his next step would be a phone call.

He had to talk to Trowa.

~{*}~

The next day, Trowa fidgeted in his seat on the bleachers. Quatre had wanted to meet, but in a neutral place. The most neutral place they could think of was the football field at the local high school.

Trowa waited, refraining from jumping up as Quatre slowly climbed the concrete steps.

"Hi," Quatre said a bit shyly as he came near.

"Hello, Quatre," Trowa replied, drinking in the sight of his lover... former lover.

"Trowa... I don't agree with the choice you made," Quatre said firmly as he sat down beside the doctor. Trowa winced. "You must realize that I can't ever agree with it. But I can understand why you made it. I do understand. And I think... I think I might be able to forgive you. Because that's what Kaori would have wanted. Because that's what I really want. No matter what I might have said, I love you, Trowa. And I never stopped loving you. I'd really like another chance."

Trowa nodded, a little dumbstruck by this confession. "Maybe... maybe we can take it slow this time. We really rushed into things at the beginning."

Quatre smiled. "We did, didn't we?"

"Yeah. Do... do you think that you'd like to go on a date with me sometime? Maybe dinner and a movie?

Quatre's smile was brilliant, lighting up his whole face. The kind of smile Trowa loved, the one he always wanted to be on that face.

"I think I'd like that," the blond nodded. "I think I'd like that alot."

They sat for almost an hour, simply talking. They avoided the touchy subjects, but there was still quite a bit for them to talk about. It was right at the one hour mark when Quatre's cell' 'phone began to ring. With a resigned sigh, he smiled at Trowa and answered it.

"Winner?"

Trowa listened on as Quatre's face fell a little bit.

"Yes... Sure, of course... No. It's alright. There's nothing wrong. I know," his voice fell to a softer tone. "I understand, Leena. I'll be there."

He ended the call and turned his eyes up to Trowa.

"That was Releena. Apparantly," his voice was a little hoarse, but he was trying not to let it show. "Lucrezia Noin- Kaori's friend in the band- found a few old rehersal tapes of Kaori from when she was with the band and the theater group. She's giving them to Heero, and she thought we might all want to... watch them together. For support. Releena, Heero, Duo and Wufei are all meeting her at the theater's auditorium. I... I'm going to meet them there."

Trowa looked at Quatre, and their eyes met. Emerald to Aquamarine and back again.

"Do... Do you..." Trowa couldn't ask the question. He was afraid that it might push the tentative forgiveness and understanding they'd just now reached.

Quatre smiled softly, sadly, and a tear rolled down his cheek.

"I do," he said. "I do want you to come with me. I think I might need the support."

Trowa took Quatre's hand as they both stood up, and he brought it to his lips. Just a quick kiss across the knuckles.

"I'm _always_ there for you. Always."

TBC....

~~~{*}~~~

AN: Sorry it's so short, but this story is winding down. I'm estimating one more chapter, plus the epilogue. Then, maybe the sequel. Maybe.

But my next main work will be 'Apathy'. I'm going to go ahead and start posting it, so go look for it. It will be archived under 2x5. Yes. That's pretty far from the norm for me. I have never done 2x5, even as a background couple, so let me know how I do. And it has a relatively cannon timeline, taking place five years post EW.

So let me know how this story has been going, and thn please go read my other stories. I'm begging you here.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

somewhere along in the bitterness"

~~~{*}~~~

Lu didn't say anything to anyone. She simply showed them through to a private office in the back of the theater, and showed them a stack of three or four DVDs beside the rolling stand with a TV and a combination VCR/DVD player. She picked up one of the DVDs and handed it to Heero, closing his fingers around the case. She knew words wouldn't register at this point, and she knew that this was for family. She took one look around. Wufei and Releena. The neurologist and the lawyer. They made a rather cute couple, though Lu expected they'd have their own share of trouble. Heero and Duo. The suicidal ex-soldier and the psychologist. They made a great match. They were somehow opposites, yet they somehow complimented each other as well. They would be just fine.

And Quatre and Trowa. The musician and the doctor. The first time she'd seen them together, at that hospital charity, she'd thought they'd be just fine together. But then, she'd seen them at the funeral and she didn't know if they'd ever be able to heal. And now... now, she had hope. She knew Kaori was a matchmaker at heart, and she hoped that maybe, even after death, she could pull off one last match.

Then, Lu turned and closed the door behind her, leaving the family to their own.

Heero stared blankly at the case in his hand. Finally, Duo gave in and prized it from his frozen fingers. Looking around at the small group, Duo opened the case, then placed the disc in the player and hit the power button on the TV. The screen stayed staticy for a moment, before it leveled out and faded to an even shot of the stage at the theater. The curtains were bulled back, and it was obvious from the disarray behind the stage that the preparations were being made for some production or other.

"Now, Kaori," said a voice. In the corner of the screen, Duo could pick out the form of an older lady. "Dress rehearsal is important. Now I want you to stat the song you chose, the artist, and why you chose this song for your personal expression peice."

Kaori strode across the stage, looking a few years younger... testament to the age of the video. Her hair was down, and she wore a back off the shoulder dress with silvery sparkles on the hem that floated around her thighs. She reached center stage, and took position, tossing a small tape towards someone behind the camera.

_"Hey, Lu."_she called, confirming the thought that maybe Noin was there since it was her theater group, _"Change the tape, would you? I want my own instrumental on this."_

There was some sort of commotion behind the scenes, and a minute later Kaori nodded, as if receiving some cue. "The song I chose," she began softly, "Is 'How to Save a Life' by the Fray. And I chose it because... because it reminds me of my brother- and I love him."

The lights began to fade, a single spotlight on her as strains of a violin and a piano melody began to play.

Quatre gasped softly as he recognized the tune that she'd made him play years ago, before any of this had happened, before he'd ever set foot in Victoria Point Medical Center, before he even knew the cancer was back. A simple piano melody.

Heero never took his eyes from the screen.

In the video, Kaori closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she opened her mouth to sing.

_"Step one, you say 'We need to talk.'_

_He walks, you say 'Sit down, it's just a talk.'_

_He smiles politely back at you,_

_You stare politely right on through._

_Some sort of window to your right,_

_As he goes left and you stay right,_

_Between the lines of fear and blame,_

_You begin to wonder why you came..."_

Quatre held his breath as he watched her transform as a heavy, melodic drumbeat came in. She wasn't the bubbly Kaori he was used to, chipper and exuberant. She was solemnly depressed, almost. She held herself with pride and poise, but something about her spoke of pain and fear, even as the music picked up. Quatre didn't even notice when Releena started sobbing quietly, burying her face in Wufei's collar while still keeping one eye on the screen, not willing to miss anything.

_"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night,_

_Had I known, how to save a life..."_

Wufei clutched Releena as Kaori's voice soared and a violin joined in the melody, smoothing his hand down her hair as he stared at the TV, at the picture of the young girl on it, singing her soul out. For Heero. Who was wrapped tightly in Duo's arms, tears falling silently but unchecked down his cheeks. He grieved not for his happy sister, but for this young woman full of pain, now singing her heart to him, for him, about him. God, how horrible was he?

_"Let him know that you know best,_

_'Cause after all, you do know best._

_Try to slip past his defense,_

_Without granting innocence._

_Lay down a list of what is wrong,_

_The things you told him all along..._

_And pray to God he hears you..._

_And pray to God he hears you..."_

Her pure voice rang out the notes, and Quatre found himself holding back the sobs. This was... this was the show she'd be going to go to. She was practicing this song, but never got to sing it for real. Because of him. She'd came for him when to hear the doctors tell him the bad news. She'd given up so much for him, for Heero. And how did he repay her? By letting her die. Oh, Allah, just how horrible a person was he?

_"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness,_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night,_

_Had I know how to save a life..."_

Trowa blinked away the tears. Even though it was a heart-wrenching performance by itself, the feeling that maybe he had somehow slighted this girl broke his heart. The feeling that maybe he'd had some hand in her demise other than the one that was incontestable. Some part of him had known she liked him; but he hadn't really cared. He knew that she loved Quatre, and he'd still waltzed right in and took the blond as his. Hadn't really thought about her. This whole time, he'd just thought she was a supporting character, so to speak. She wasn't center stage. He hadn't paid much attention to her. His chest hurt. God, how could anyone do such things to such an innocent creature? Take away such life?

How could he have done that?

He didn't know it until it happened, but suddenly, Quatre was clutching him, hanging on for dear life as the girl haunted them, spinning her words and singing her song.

_"As he begins to raise his voice,_

_You lower your and grant him one last choice._

_Drive until you loose the road,_

_Or break with the one's you've followed._

_He will do one of two things,_

_He will admit to everything,_

_Or he'll say he's just not the same,_

_And you'll begin to wonder why you came..."_

Duo kept his arms tight around Heero, trying to hold his lover up under the mountain of guilt he must be feeling. Everyone in this room must be feeling it. Feeling that they could have done something, that maybe they could have not taken her for granted.

But Duo knew better. He knew nothing would have changed fate. And he knew that Kaori wold have liked the way things would have come out. She was selfless like that. She gave up her life so that the six of them could find true love, a true place to belong.

Now if only everyone else would see the picture.

_"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness,_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night,_

_Had I know how to save a life..."_

_"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness,_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night,_

_Had I know how to save a life..._

_How to save a life..._

_How to save a life..."_

Releena couldn't stand it aymore. Wufei led her away from the room while the song still played on. Quatre wouldn't leave. He couldn't. But he burried his face in Trowa's chest, refusing to look at the video anymore. He'd read Kaori's diaries- or started to, and he knew that she was in a much better place now, but he couldn't help but feel this overpowering shame, this tremendous guilt. The heart in his chest ached at the sweet sound of her voice, as if it knew beyond doubt and with all certainty that _she _was it's original home.

_"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness,_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night,_

_Had I know how to save a life..."_

_"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness,_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night,_

_Had I know how to save a life..._

_How to save a life..."_

The song dwindled to a close, and eventually the tape stopped playing, but neither of the two remaining couples made any move. No one felt like moving, all too lost in grieving and their own thoughts to care much. Quatre was the first to stir. He looked as if something had dawned on him just then. Suddenly all of the little things- the will, the journals, the songs... they all made sense. He finally understood, really understood. Finally, he knew what Kaori was trying to tell him all along. He looked up to Trowa.

"Trowa, I'm so sorry for blaming you. I love you, but I couldn't see past my rage. I couldn't see past her. She sacrificed everything for me, for us. And never asked for anything in return. I wanted to be mad at you, at myself. At someone. But... I shouldn't should I?"

His teal eyes sparkled with tears as he touched Trowa's cheek gently, and lowered his voice to a soft whisper.

"She sacrificed _everything_... but she wanted to. We didn't ask, we didn't make her; she made her choice; she'd made that choice long ago. She _wanted_ too. Because she loved us- loved all of us. She wanted us to be happy. And... And I think her sacrifice was in living so long, to bring us all together. Her life was so unhappy, so troubled. But she lived, so she could see us through, see that we were happy before she left. And she'll never really be gone. She'll still live on. In me... in us. That's what she was trying to say in all these signs. That we're the reason she lived, not the reason she died."

He giggled. "I know I sound foolish and stupid. And well, I guess I am. But that's how I feel." He raised his face to Trowa. "I know I've been stupid lately, and I apologize for it. I want to be with you so much, it hurts to stay away, even if for a while it hurt to be so close. I'm so sorry. There's no maybe or 'someday' to it. I forgive you now. But Trowa, will you do me a favor?"

"What is it, my love?" Trowa asked, brushing his lips over Quatre's forehead. Quatre's rationalizing had made perfect sense- even to him. Kaori had once all but admitted that to him. And now, he had Quatre. He owed her alot. More than alot, the thought, meeting Quatre's steady, clear gaze. He owed her everything.

"Take me home."

~~~{*}~~~

AN: Finally, I got around to actually using 'How To Save A Life' in the story. Well... one more chapter to go. It's the epilogue, the END of How To Save A Life. Boohoo. I'm sad, yet exited as well. It's my longest chapter story so far. I'm begging you all for reviews. And I'm begging you to check out my newest story, 'Apathy' if you haven't already.

PLEASE????

And sorry if everything seems to end kind of suddenly. It's like I got an 'angst' block all of a sudden. Sad just is so hard for me right now. The sequel (if I actually get around to writing it) is alot happier, and the epilogue is so HAPPY. Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed this story. Your support means alot.


	20. Chapter 20

AN: OMG!!!!!!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS!!! I was just looking at this, and I'm like 19 chapters? But.... there's twenty.... *sweatdrops* I've had this finished since the last chapter, but I guess it just slipped through when I was posting. ^^ SORRY!!!! But here it is, Chapter Twenty aka The Epilogue!!!!!

_**Chapter Twenty/Epilogue**_

_"And I would have stayed up with you all night,_

_Had I known how to save a life."_

**Three months later....**

"Oi! Duo! Don't drop that!"

"Oh, shuttup, Heero. I got this." Duo hefted the box up, spinning on his heel and walking- more actually staggering and swaying- away from the Land Rover.

But Heero snatched the box away before Duo could completely tip over.

"No you don't, Duo. You're much too little to carry this thing. What's in it, anyway? Bricks?"

"Close," Duo grumbled. "Books." He was staring right at the permanent marker scrawling on the side. "Or so the signs say. And I could have carried it. Because I am not little!" Still grumbling, but smiling the whole time, he grabbed the next biggest box.

"Oh? Is that the reason you couldn't find the tea bags when I put them on the top shelf?" Heero teased, dumping the box into the living room before returning, with Duo following him.

Duo stuck his tounge out. "You don't have much room to talk anyways- you're only an inch taller than me. Being short and being little are two different things. And it's not like I hear you complaining about my height or my size!"

"This is true," Heero nodded, caught in his words.

Quatre laughed overtop of the box he was carrying- the small box; Trowa still wouldn't let him lift anything heavy. They'd both *tried* to take their relationship slow... but here they were, three months later. Moving into a house together. "Too much info, Duo!"

The braided boy shrugged. "Oh, well. You're the one who invited us to help you two move. Not my fault. You should've known what you were getting into."

Trowa nodded. "Yeah. Weren't you the one who did his high school term paper on the Kama Sutra?"

Heero's head whipped around, eyes bugging out.

"Nani? Did you say...."

Quatre blushed and shook his head, waltzing away quickly. Duo just shrugged again.

"So? I had to write about something. Why not that?"

Trowa laughed, and Heero shook his head with at small smile.

"Maybe when we get home, I could look at that term paper- if you've still got it?"

Duo grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Oh, how 'bout I just give an oral presentation about it?"

"Hmm. Possibly. Maybe a visual demonstration to go along with it?"

"Hey! Either leave, or shut up!" Wufei called out, coming back out of the house. "Some of us don't...."

"Don't what?" Duo interupted smoothly. "Don't actually have sex?"

"Hey!" Relena said, stopping behind Wufei on the porch, in the open doorway, hand on her hip. "Some of us actually rather _have_ sex than stand around our friends' house just _talking_ about it."

Trowa had to set his box down before he dropped it, doubling over with laughter at the shocked expressions on Heero and Duo's faces. Wufei was caught somewhere between flushing bright red, snickering, and oogling his girlfriend.

"That," Wufei said, in control of himself once more, "would be a 'burn', right?"

Duo recovered enough to stick his tongue out at Wufei.

"Oh, well, Wuffers. Looks like we know who wears the pants in your house."

"Damn straight." Relena nodded. She shooed Duo up the steps. "Now get moving! We've got two trucks to unload, and only about three hours of daylight left! Hup, Two, Three! Move it, scrawny ass!"

"Ouch," Duo winced. "You sure know how to hit the old ego, Counselor."

"And don't forget it either, Maxwell," she said smugly. A horn beeped and a silver Mercedes pulled up alongside Trowa's Land Rover.

"Look what the cat coughed up," Releena laughed as the passenger side door swung open and her sister-in-law appeared.

"But I'm so much more pretty than vomit, though? Right?" Iria asked with a smile as Zechs stepped out of the driver's side.

Iria reached back into the car, and pulled a glass dish wrapped in aluminum foil out.

"Figured you'd all forget to eat- or else call for some kind of God-forsaken take out," she chirped, almost tossing the dish to Relena, who proceeded to peel back the foil to peek at the contents.

"What is it?" She asked dubiously.

"Broccoli, rice, and cheese casserole. Bet you didn't know your brother was a hell of a chef," she smirked.

"Right," Duo drawled, coming out the door. "Like it takes a damned Le Cordon Bleu degree to boil rice, and toss in broccoli and Velveeta."

"True," Zechs agreed. "True."

Iria and Relena laughed. Laughter continued to be a constant on through the afternoon, evening, and well into the night. The moving van, Duo's pickup, and Trowa's Rover were all emptied, and the once vacant house was filled with boxes and bags, and things strewn everywhere in a mess. Paper plates loaded a trash bag, along with bare remnants of the casserole- which had turned out to be very, very delicious. Relena was dozing on the haphazardly placed couch, using Wufei as both blanket and pillow. Iria was giggling at the sight, whispering something to her husband to make him blush a pretty pink. Quatre and Heero were sprawled on the floor, engaged in a game of chess on the board they'd unpacked, and Duo was telling Trowa about the latest marriage counseling session he'd mediated.

"Well," Iria said, breaking the quiet companionship. "I think it's time we left."

"So soon?" Relena mumbled, her eyes blinking open.

"Soon? It's almost ten!" Zechs exclaimed to his sister.

"Oh, damn," Relena gasped. "We need to get going, too! I have a court session in the morning! Wufei," she shook his shoulder. "Wufei, wake up. We need to go."

"Mmmhh. Don' wanna," was the muffled reply and Wufei nuzzled Releena's neck and tried to burrow deeper.

"Awww! Isn't our little Wuffers so cute!" Duo laughed. Wufei shot awake in an instant.

"My name is Wufei, not 'Wuffers'!"

Duo laughed, and elbowed Trowa. "Got him up, though, didn't I?"

"Duo," Heero said, rising from the floor. "It's time."

Duo's eyes lit up. "The present?" he asked gleefully.

Heero nodded once. Trowa and Quatre exchanged worried, confused glances as Duo hop-skipped outside.

"If the four of you would wait a moment," Heero asked the others. "I think you'd like to see mine and Duo's housewarming gift."

Duo returned a moment later, laded with a large, square, flat package. Confused stares came at him from all angles as he set the covered item against a stack of boxes.

"It's my first full sized work," Heero admitted shyly. "Everything else has just been doodles and sketches. But, I just finished this a few nights ago, and I want the two of you to have it." He smiled softly. "I think she would have wanted you to have it."

Quatre blinked in confusion before Duo smiled and removed the white cloth cover.

Gasps filled the room, and tears filled Quatre's eyes. There, on the canvas in front of him, stood Kaori. It was a full profile of her, violin tucked under her chin, bow drawn across the strings. It was obviously not a professional work of art, but Quatre had never seen anything so beautiful or perfect. A full profile of her facing the viewer at a slight tilt to her stance. Above the violin, her eyes stared straight ahead, as if her gaze was held by someone.

An invisible breeze blew through the picture, her hair, pulled into her favorite twin ponytails, lifted up. Her bangs curled down her face, a few strands across her cheek, across her nose, but never obscuring those beautifully haunting eyes. She was dressed simply, as she normally was, in jeans. But instead of the long sleeved sweaters she often favored since her teen years, she wore her once beloved tanktop. It rode up over one hip, where her lifted arms pulled it up. And you could see the smooth, gold-dusted porcelain skin of her upper arm, unmarked and unblemished. Unlike other of Heero's works, there was color here. Not much, and softly shaded, but it was there. Highlighting her midnight black hair, sparkling in her sapphire eyes, shimmering across her gold-dust skin. The soft green of the shirt and the faded blue of the jeans.

One could almost hear the music surrounding her. In fact, if one looked closely enough, they could see the faint, faded musical notes on the canvas. Quatre saw them, and looked closer. Then he smiled. He could see the lines there, see the notes on those lines.

"Heero... I love it," he said softly. And reading those notes, remembrance and comprehension overcame him. He knew that music; he'd played that music once before. "Have you titled the work?"

Heero grinned at that. He looked at the couples in the messy living room. Iria leaning back against her husband, a far-off smile on her face. Relena and Wufei in an embrace, their eyes still locked with those painted ones. Trowa's arms wrapped tight around Quatre as the blond stared at the picture.

And Duo, right by his side, their hands clasped, fingers intertwined. He lifted their paired hands kissed his lover's knuckles. Prussian eyes met with Cobalt as they both smiled softly. Heero glanced back at he picture he'd painted, back at his sister- the woman who's saved them all in some way or another.

"I call it.... 'How To Save A Life'."

~~OWARI~~

AN: Oh, I'm so sad. That's the end of 'How To Save A Life'... for real this time ^^. But don't worry, I have a sequel that I'm contemplating. It's titled 'Fall Away' (eh, another Fray song). It's set about ten months after Kaori's death... in other words, around seven months after this chapter. There are still a few more side fics I'm working on, as well. But I'm focusing on Apathy's sequels right now, so... maybe....someday.....

This was just to lend a more happy ending feeling to the story.

Please Review!!!!!


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